AIBU to be considering moving home from the USA to the UK

If I lived in the US, rural Maine would be my ideal. You’ve built a fabulous life where you are. Maybe try to visit a bit more and have your mum over more to share in your daughters’ daily lives. Our antipodean relatives come and stay for months at a time.

Do not move back just because your family keeps pressuring you to. You'll end up resenting your mother. It is your life to live as you please, not your mother's. Personally, I'm very glad that I stopped giving into family pressure, and moved far away... and made it VERY clear that I wasn't moving back.

You got out of the UK for a reason, you've built a life and a family of your own in the US. If you're all happy there, then why give that up just to give into your mother's pressure?

Ooops, hate when I miss that! But now we are here, we want to know what @MaineRedneck ended up doing!

Normally I would never prefer the US to the UK but in your case - no! Dont move. You wont get even a fraction of the lifestyle you currently have on 50k salary, or even on 100k combined salaries. Your life sounds amazing, dont deprive your kids of it.

Your parent can either move to you or you can visit more often.

The fact she wont move when, presumably, has fewer ties - says it all. You would be upending everything for her.

See if she will come out for long holidays? Or can you come over for a month every few years? Find a middle ground.

I cant say I have any wish to live - or even visit - the USA currently. However, your life sounds fun, relaxing and settled.

Your dcs sound like they have good quality of life. This is a no brainer.

You posted this back in November 2025, the world and Uk has moved on and we are in a worse position than ever. If you haven’t moved then stay where you are, your life sounds amazing, she can visit. And I know it’s morbid but she may pass away and then it will all be vain and expensive. You will not find a house in Surrey for £500k with anything more than a small garden . I genuinely can’t believe you would uproot your family.

Zombie thread folks!

Are you sure your DH could "only" get £50k pa if he works in the nuclear industry - is he pretty junior? I would assume that sort of salary is for pretty low to mid level engineers here.

I'd stay. You've built a nice life there and would miss it

@Elsvietais right about the tax. Nothing gets Americans abroad riled up more than talking about that. I'm in between a rock and a hard place with HMRC and IRS. One country offers something beneficial and the other wants to tax it. I can't do an IRA Roth or an ISA.

I am the opposite and stay put in the UK until I need to return home and care for my parents as an only child. But the repercussions are huge for tax, healthcare and my child's schooling if I do that.

Good luck with your choice. It's very hard being across the Atlantic from family.

I wouldnt. Migration of any kind is frowned upon by many here - including the current government.

There is Hinkley being built in Somerset, we live in Somerset with family in Surrey, it’s an easy drive. 800k would get you a really nice house but not 130 acres!

You might not have the ability to move the family back based on your income. This has been a known issue for both expats who moved to lower paid countries eg Thailand or SAHP like yourself. You might find that A it's a moot point and B you might want to get back in work when the children are bigger.

You don't want to, so no.

For the bulk of your children's lives, their grandmother will not be alive. You can't plan anyone's life around a grandparent.

And if you move back now, the US will continue to tax you.

£500K won't get you much in Surrey, sadly. Whilst I wouldn't want to live in the USA personally, you will probably overall have a better standard of living than you would in the UK. I'd love to move out of the UK if I could! In your position I'd stay put.

We moved back to the U.K. because my mother was so sad that we lived far away. They did not step up with promised babysitting etc.. and in fact were almost sulking for the first year or so. Lots of cancellations, complaints that we didn’t move to their village/give up every Dubday afternoon etc..
It is lovely that the kids have them and my in laws nearby but they don’t see them anything like as often as we had imagined.
And we are less well off than we would have been if we had stayed abroad (not USA). So I guess I am saying make sure you move back for yourself rather than to stop the complaining.

He’s correct. Smaller houses, smaller cars, poorer healthcare unless you can afford private, less consumer choice, less ‘freedom’ ie severally restricted gun ownership and you can’t just go off hunting in the wilderness on a Sunday morning. Smaller RV (caravan) parks - totally different experience in the UK. The list goes on…

Cost of living is absolutely not lower in the UK but I guess it depends where in the US you moved from? We moved from Texas and cost of living was significantly lower over there. Tax also but then there are no state taxes in Tx.

I would suggest looking online at Suffolk close to Sizewell and Somerset on Exmoor as both are places where there’s work in his field. Cumbria is another possibility both at sellafield and also work on the new subs at Barrow, dounrey in Scotland, Dungeness…

I wouldn’t. Your standard of life would drop dramatically. I speak as someone who has moved from the US back to the UK,
and would go back in a heart beat if the opportunity arose.

Cost of living is lower in the U.K. though tax for a family of 4 with only one working person is far higher (I’ve made the move). Housing varies a lot in the U.K., your money could buy a nice house outright in cheaper parts of the country if you can find work there. even where I live, near Bristol so not cheap, half a million will buy you a family home, just not much land, plenty of work here

Your activities lend themselves to the uplands areas especially parts of Scotland but also along the Pennines, NE England. Shooting is highly regulated and only certain weapons are legal of course.

the Anglesey wild animals would be affected if people who love shooting wild animals as a hobby moved to Anglesey. I dont like the idea of people shooting wildlife for fun. It applies anywhere but because I’m originally from Anglesey, I wrote that response.

Your mum is being really selfish putting pressure and guilt on you like this. You sound like you have a good life with lots of opportunities for your children. Moving to the UK is likely to mean a much smaller property, with far fewer opportunities. Stay where you are.

I would also have a proper conversation with your mum. She can't guilt you like this. Put the guilt back on her and get her to properly consider the change in lifestyle she's asking of you. Then speak to her about how you can make her feel more part of your lives. Can she visit for example?