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AIBU?

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Original poster

'In the trenches'

130 replies

saraclara · 10/11/2025 16:20

AIBU to think that referring to early motherhood as being 'in the trenches' is pretty crass? I've always hated it, but this week it's particularly jarring.

Being in the trenches meant sheer terror, millions of deaths (around 3m died in the trenches) and many more injured and traumatised for the rest of their lives.

Comparing wrangling toddlers, to that, just seems deeply inappropriate, imo.

OP posts:
ThatChristmasMug · 10/11/2025 18:23

LadyFreja · 10/11/2025 17:58

I don't find it offensive in relation to veterans but it does bloody annoy me. It's over dramatic and makes motherhood sounds shit and something to be endured. I love being a mum, I'm certainly not 'surviving' it.

The mental load and life admin are annoying as fuck too. It's just a daily task it doesn't need a name!

some mums kill themselves after suffering from PND

some mums end up in hospital with exhaustions

some women don't even know that the injuries and pain they have post birth are not normal and should be looked at by a doctor

I had it easy, but I can still not be so blind to think motherhood is easy for everyone. Or smug to think being lucky is anything more than luck.

WimpoleHat · 10/11/2025 18:12

stackhead · 10/11/2025 16:32

Are you always so literal? Trench warfare as related to in WW1 was over 100 years ago, is it not possible for language to evolve in 100 years or take on alternative meaning?

Google search:
Being in the trenches" literally refers to the grueling and dangerous conditions of military trench warfare, and figuratively means working in the most difficult and active parts of a job or situation. In both meanings, it implies being at the forefront of action, dealing with challenges, and facing hardship.

And yes, dealing with small children is gruelling, and when sleep deprived, probably dangerous!

Said as a poppy wearing, daughter of an Army vet, supporter of the British Legion.

Go find something else to be offended by.

I can’t put it better than this!

There are loads of English sayings that derive from pretty horrible things in history. Many are in everyday use and their origin has largely been forgotten - think “beyond the pale”, “bite the bullet” etc. For me, context is king. When it’s obviously a metaphor and the meaning is obvious, I can’t see the problem.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/11/2025 18:11

saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:09

You misunderstand. I accept the vote. I also find the responses interesting. But I'd also be interested in what those who voted in agreement with me, think about it.

It's a very well known pattern, often commented on, that the early posts in AIBU threads tend to set the tone.

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That’s because quite often because the poster is either being unreasonable or not being unreasonable, and that’s why the vote and comments follow it, it’s a common opinion. Not because people just copy each other, it’s bizarre that you think that.

Swiftie1878 · 10/11/2025 18:11

It’s just hyperbole.
If they meant it it would be offensive. Intent is everything.

Original poster
saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:11

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 18:08

PP was on about rape.

And given trenches warfare was WW1, who is getting offended by it? They are all dead of old age now.
It is virtue signalling rubbish to be offended by something that does not apply to you at all.

Edited
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D'oh.

I'm a life long teacher of severely learning disabled children. The offensive r word that comes straight to my mind is clearly different from most people's!

Just ignore that post!

OP posts:
Original poster
saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:09

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/11/2025 18:05

Well that’s a new one, you don’t really accept the vote because everyone was copied the first few posts 😂 even though the comments and the vote majority are YABU. Ok then.

Show quote history

You misunderstand. I accept the vote. I also find the responses interesting. But I'd also be interested in what those who voted in agreement with me, think about it.

It's a very well known pattern, often commented on, that the early posts in AIBU threads tend to set the tone.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 18:08

saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:07

I think your example of the r word, is other people's problem too. Its use makes life harder for people with learning difficulties and their families. Unlike 'in the trenches' it denigrates, even mocks them. So I think it's important to pull people up on it.

Show quote history

PP was on about rape.

And given trenches warfare was WW1, who is getting offended by it? They are all dead of old age now.
It is virtue signalling rubbish to be offended by something that does not apply to you at all.

takealettermsjones · 10/11/2025 18:08

saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:07

I think your example of the r word, is other people's problem too. Its use makes life harder for people with learning difficulties and their families. Unlike 'in the trenches' it denigrates, even mocks them. So I think it's important to pull people up on it.

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I think you're mixing up your R words.

Original poster
saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:07

MissFancyDay · 10/11/2025 17:55

Yes, I don't like the r word used inappropriately but that's my problem no one else's.

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I think your example of the r word, is other people's problem too. Its use makes life harder for people with learning difficulties and their families. Unlike 'in the trenches' it denigrates, even mocks them. So I think it's important to pull people up on it.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/11/2025 18:05

saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:02

It's interesting that though 34% think I'm not unreasonable, it's the ones that think that I am, that are posting.

I get why though. When the early posts take a robust stand one way or another, that's the way that threads tend to flow. It's pretty intimidating to post against the tide.

Edited

Well that’s a new one, you don’t really accept the vote because everyone was copied the first few posts 😂 even though the comments and the vote majority are YABU. Ok then.

Original poster
saraclara · 10/11/2025 18:02

It's interesting that though 34% think I'm not unreasonable, it's the ones that think that I am, that are posting.

I get why though. When the early posts take a robust stand one way or another, that's the way that threads tend to flow. It's pretty intimidating to post against the tide.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/11/2025 17:59

LadyFreja · 10/11/2025 17:58

I don't find it offensive in relation to veterans but it does bloody annoy me. It's over dramatic and makes motherhood sounds shit and something to be endured. I love being a mum, I'm certainly not 'surviving' it.

The mental load and life admin are annoying as fuck too. It's just a daily task it doesn't need a name!

Plenty of people don’t love it in the early days and are just surviving it though, those mothers aren’t speaking for you.

LadyFreja · 10/11/2025 17:58

I don't find it offensive in relation to veterans but it does bloody annoy me. It's over dramatic and makes motherhood sounds shit and something to be endured. I love being a mum, I'm certainly not 'surviving' it.

The mental load and life admin are annoying as fuck too. It's just a daily task it doesn't need a name!

ThatChristmasMug · 10/11/2025 17:55

saraclara · 10/11/2025 16:20

AIBU to think that referring to early motherhood as being 'in the trenches' is pretty crass? I've always hated it, but this week it's particularly jarring.

Being in the trenches meant sheer terror, millions of deaths (around 3m died in the trenches) and many more injured and traumatised for the rest of their lives.

Comparing wrangling toddlers, to that, just seems deeply inappropriate, imo.

I am sure the broken survivors of WW1 are very grateful for you to be offended on their behalf.

If that makes you feel better, I doubt anyone is confusing motherhood with the gory scenes recreating in the best war movies.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/11/2025 17:55

You can’t find it that crass if you are happy to make an AIBU about it because of the war. Nobody at all is implying it’s the same as being in that terror at war, it’s a metaphor and a perfectly fine one. You aren’t obligated to use it.

MissFancyDay · 10/11/2025 17:55

Blizzardofleaves · 10/11/2025 17:52

The r word can be extremely triggering for survivors so that doesn’t surprise me, but not many of us have been in the trenches during a world war.

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Yes, I don't like the r word used inappropriately but that's my problem no one else's.

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 17:53

Blizzardofleaves · 10/11/2025 17:52

The r word can be extremely triggering for survivors so that doesn’t surprise me, but not many of us have been in the trenches during a world war.

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It was someone's surname though. Triggers aside, what is to be gained by telling someone that their name is offensive?

MissFancyDay · 10/11/2025 17:52

This thread is hilarious, we are in danger of losing all sense of perspective. All these sayings are in common usage, we don't have to be literal all the time, it's the beauty of our descriptive language. it's not disrespectfull and people can differentiate between hyperbolic language and actual reality.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/11/2025 17:52

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 17:49

Or 'the traffic was murder', or 'her nappy was absolute carnage' 😅

Some people are just super sensitive though. I was following an article on FB, and someone commented. Their surname was 'Rape', and someone actually told them that their surname was offensive.

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The r word can be extremely triggering for survivors so that doesn’t surprise me, but not many of us have been in the trenches during a world war.

Screwyousimon · 10/11/2025 17:51

Crikey I would never think to be offended at this. It seems folk can barely say anything these days without somebody being offended.

RhaenysRocks · 10/11/2025 17:51

Snowflakecentral · 10/11/2025 17:14

Early motherhood is tough but 'in the trenches' can fuck right off on many levels, but then so can a lot of the expressions here, on MN. 'Reach out' being one of many

Wow, bit extreme. Two young kids, juggling a full-time job and childcare and an absent "co-parent", yeah, I've used the expression. If you can't understand the concept of a metaphor that's unfortunate. It must be incredibly difficult to constantly police your own vocabulary (if "police" is allowed) to the extent you seem to think we should.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/11/2025 17:50

The house is like a war zone, zoo, battle ground
Its carnage in here

Or my personal favourite - there is a special spot for you under the patio.

I like the quirky use of the English language personally

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 17:49

latetothefisting · 10/11/2025 17:44

do you get as annoyed about people saying 'I'm starving' when they're a bit hungry, given that billions of people have starved to death in famines over the centuries?
or when someone says 'I'm going to kill him/them,' when their partner/children do something annoying, given how many people have been murdered in history?
or 'I'm dying' when they're hungover or have bad period cramps, when so many people have died.
or 'It's like torture' when neighbour's dc is practicing their violin?
etc

unless you can honestly say you have never used a slightly hyperbolic metaphor yourself, YABU.

Or 'the traffic was murder', or 'her nappy was absolute carnage' 😅

Some people are just super sensitive though. I was following an article on FB, and someone commented. Their surname was 'Rape', and someone actually told them that their surname was offensive.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/11/2025 17:46

It’s a battle
I am drowning in work
I am having a breakdown
I am dying to be with …
Pushes my buttons

Unpaidviewer · 10/11/2025 17:45

Yeah I also hate it. I only really see it on here thankfully. I also despise the term "mental load".