Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

I think it's ok that they've chosen not to take sides given the way you got to know them - I get that it's upsetting though. At least they're not inviting him and excluding you.

@AliceMaforethought , it's because we have been there.
Also, men have a habit of assuming that you're up for it if you're single. Not all of them, but one or two will start sniffing.

I’ve been there I’m afraid. As much as it hurts, and that’s ok, they are not being unreasonable. It’s hard to see that now, but it is for the best.

at my lowest point following my separation my (extremely unemotional) mum decided to put her arm around me and say ‘just to let you know, you are going to lose friends as well. The women will be worried about you having an affair with their husband, the men will be worried their wives will see how great being single is’

as much as that hurt at the time, I made a great group of new friends who I started new traditions/holidays with.

I also started getting left out of school events (someone’s parents having a bbq and inviting the other couples from school).

the best thing I ever did was go out and make a new life.

if you are going to carry on meeting the women, make sure you don’t end up the dumping ground for their marital problems. You don’t want to be living your best life and then only meeting up with them when they want a moan

@Joliefolie , they consciously think it, but it's sort of there - like you were half of 'Dave & Becky' not 'Dave' and 'Becky'.

Why be such a downer when the OP is already feeling bad? You say 'sorry' but you are actually being a Job's comforter. Just because they don't want either the OP or her ex on this holiday doesn't mean they've dropped her.

How have they been outside of arranging this holiday? I mean, have you still seen them as much as you would have before, or do you feel like they are generally pulling away?

If I still felt like we were friends, then while I’d be disappointed I would understand where they were coming from with the holiday. If I felt like they were distancing themselves in other ways as well, then they aren’t good friends anyway.

Why are so many people insisting that the OP's friendship with these people is over just because they don't want them on the group trip? I would agree with that if they had invited her ex instead of her, but they haven't, so they haven't taken sides. People are always so cynical and negative on this site, and see the worst of every situation.
OP, YANBU to feel bad, but I also don't think your friends have done anything wrong. I second the person who says to try to arrange something with the women.

If people are seriously claiming that the OP is not invited because her friends think she will steal their husbands or encourage their wives to leave then they are obviously NOT her friends at all. 🙄It IS awkward and uncomfortable when a couple in a friendship group split and they are not on the same page and they don't know how it will pan out. It's only been 4 months. The friends want to go on holiday, not have to engage in a mediation process.

Single women get left out a lot, sometimes because they’re seen as a husband-stealing threat to the married women in the group.

funny how this only seems to apply to newly divorced, not to actual single women 😂

Op kindly, this dynamic is no longer going to work in terms of the group trip. They won’t want to be in an awkward holiday with you and your ex and it wouldn’t work if you were on your own if it’s a couples holiday.
I’d start a new tradition and ask the women to book a girls weekend or arrange a trip with another group of friends

People take sides, either by their actions or inaction. It seems your friends have chosen, even though they claim they haven't. Time to find a new group and arrange your own May holiday.

Why can’t you take turns? You go this year & he goes next? That seems fair enough to me. I’d like to think my friends would want to support me though a hard time & include me where they can.

Time to make new traditions and new memories....maybe suggest ladies only trip if they feel awkward without your partner. They've made their mind up and you will have to accept it and think of plan B..

The single woman will either steal the husband or encourage the other women to LTB.

You and your ex are clearly not on the same page just 4 months into the split as you think it would be fine to both go on a couples holiday and he doesn't. It's pretty soon for a friendship group to get their heads around how to be friends with both of you when the group was based on you all being couples. Be gracious, nurture your friendships on a single basis and accept that, for now, the couples holiday seems daunting and awkward for your friends given that you and your ex are not on the same page.

Yep, this is the reality of being divorced I’m afraid OP. Single women get left out a lot, sometimes because they’re seen as a husband-stealing threat to the married women in the group. Weirdly, divorced men don’t seem to face the same issues - probably because it’s the women who usually organise the socials and don’t mind a single guy/their H’s friend joining.

Speaking from experience, your weekends and holidays are about to get a lot emptier I’m afraid - sorry. Best to find a new group of friends/hobby.

If you are ok with your ex then surely you just agree some sort of system with him so you can both keep up with friends separately and when things like this come up just take it in turns to go along. You go this year, him next. Worked well for
me in the past and also allows you to introduce new partners to the group if and when the time comes in a sensitive manner.

I’m really sorry you’re hurting end I totally get it but I do think YABU expecting to still go.

Not unreasonable to be hurt, but you are now a single woman, so you will be left out a lot.
STBXH will be included to many things.
It's shit, but it's what happens IME.
You'll be included if they want a favour but not otherwise.

I am guessing they are organising, so they are free to invite whoever they want.

Nothing is stopping the OP from organising something else.

they don’t want to be seen as taking sides as we are both still there friends

fair enough, what else do you expect them to do?
You are not a couple, why would you think you'd be invited to a couples holidays, that's awkward.

You'll see them on other occasions.

Agree 💯. The H’s friends tend to stick with him, if they were the woman’s friends, it generally works the same.

She can be devastated if she wants... her marriage is over and the trip was clearly one she loved.