Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

Its sad for you. But it would be awkward two couples and a single person. And a divorced couple going on holiday together is a little bizarre IMHO although I know it does happen.

I understand where they are coming from but I’d sure make them feel guilty about it and tell them expressly how hurt I was.

It's a couple's trip. A seven doesn't work

sorry why? What's wrong with Seven?

It also applies to widows, sadly.
I was only 36 when my DH passed away from cancer. Everyone was so kind and lovely at the time, I got invited here, there & everywhere.
He died in the January.
By Easter, I stopped getting invitations.

A “single” woman is seen as a threat (by other women) or fair game (by the men)

If you are divorced and especially if you are widowed, men assume you are desperate for male attention. It is true what others have said, OP, you will need a new group of friends, your situation has changed so much where this group is concerned, that you no longer fit.
I found this aspect of widowhood so difficult to navigate, I hope you will find your new life far easier.
Wishing you well 🌺

I've lost a whole social circle through my divorce, one that my ex husband still manages to stay centered within. Lots of these people were also my colleagues, my friends first. It didn't seem to matter.

My ex husband threw a party to celebrate his moving to a new house (when moving out of our marital home) and invited everyone. I rather feel that set the tone for socialising from that point onwards.

when people have that attitude, no wonder they don't get invited anymore 😂

If you really are "up for it" as you put it so charmingly, being married is not going to stop you. You know people do have affairs don't you 😂

Unfortunately this is the reality for divorced women and widows.

Seen it so often.

This is nothing new. The smug marrieds tend to dump single women. A tale as old as the hills.

i would wonder if he has a new girlfriend and if the two of them end up going on the holiday with the gang...

Given so very many women experience this, I think you can say it is a common if not universal happening.

It’s a couples holiday, the dynamic has now changed with you two being divorced it’s no one’s fault it’s just the way it is.

No one is being unreasonable here.

The unfortunate truth is that your friends were choosing from options that were all rather shite. It's entirely reasonable not to want to do a trip with three couples and one single person (yes, this does affect how the trip plays out unless the couples are all complete knobs who are happy leaving one person on their own repeatedly) and not to choose one of you to leave out. It is also extremely sane and reasonable not to want to go on holiday with a couple that is in the process of divorcing no matter how amicable they think they can be - that's a recipe for damaging the amicable relationship and making everyone uncomfortable.

But that doesn't mean you're wrong to be upset. The reality is that these couples trips are another thing that has ended along with your marriage and that is sad. Someone doesn't have to have wronged us for us to feel sad/disappointed/lonely.

This is what happens when people divorce.

The reason humans form families and social groups is for survival. By announcing your divorce you are finding your social alliance breaking. Sometimes among friend groups divorces cascade. It makes others realise their own unhappy marriages and consider consciously uncoupling.

Married couples see their divorced friends looking better and living their best life which is another reason for the cascade effect.

But most of all your friends don’t want to deal with your emotional neediness. It may sound harsh but that is the primary motivator. They don’t want to spend their bank holiday around awkward silence or you crying into your glass of wine.

Just bide your time OP and wait for them to divorce. Then don't let any of them join your new friendship group!

I'm challenging you because you are trying to say that because it happened to you, it will definitely happen to the OP. I'm sorry but you can't possibly know that. Also, your username suggests a certain attitude of mind on your part which the OP may or may not share.

They might be waiting to see how it all pans out, it's all still quite new. Holidays are expensive and they wouldn't want to play referee between you guys or have any weird atmosphere. Hopefully as previous posters have said you can do smaller activities with the individuals you get on with best.

Nobody wants to spend a weekend away in the middle of someone else's divorce. It's all too fresh. Wait until the divorce is finalised and the dust has settled before you risk a weekend away. It's going well so far but it could turn nasty yet.

It’s a couples holiday and you and your ex are no longer a couple so neither of you are invited, that seems perfectly reasonable to me.

It will change the whole dynamic of the holiday if there are three couples plus a single person, one of the couples will get stuck with you as you can’t leave a single person on their own. There’s a crowd and all that.

It's already causing conflict and that's just discussing either neither of you going or one of you going. It would cause so much tension across the group and totally change the dynamic for the other couples. It's the right call that neither of you go.

@AliceMaforethought , because it is not just me saying it.
If a woman is widowed it happens, if a man is widowed it doesn't.
At least OP is on good terms with her ex.

My friends weren't shit, it's what happens.
I can't see why I'm being challenged about it.

This sounds like the plot of Four Seasons

If you think you were excluded because your friends thought you would steal their partners then obviously they weren't friends at all. You will have been in situations when you were in a relationship and a female friend split from a partner. Did you seriously worry that your friend was going to steal your partner now she was single? Really?

There is no way that I can imagine any friends of a couple would want both of a divorcing couple present on a holiday, whatever past arrangements were. So your idea was probably never realistic. And if it is a couples' holiday they won't want just one of you there either. It is one of the penalties of splitting up. Sorry.

Have you told them exactly how you feel OP? I’d be letting them know so they don’t leave you out of anything else. I think it seems harsh - what would they do if the OP had been widowed?!

You've been there with your particular group of friends. Why assume that your personal experience is universal?

That’s a shame but I’m afraid it’s just a casualty of the divorce. Totally understandable to be upset. Totally understandable for them not to invite you.