Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

I have always been fascinated by this need to go on holidays with hordes of other people, the whole circus troupe. Anyone else?

its a group trip made up of couples. Id pass.

It's perfectly understandable that you're upset to be excluded.

It's also perfectly understandable that, after years of a three-couple holiday, the other couples are stepping back. They want to be friends to both of you but your ex objects to spending time together. Giving it a break this year while things settle down is an appropriate response.

It's early days. It may fall apart but I hope once everyone gets their head around the new situation you'll be able to have fun with your friends.

It would completely ruin everyone’s break to go away with a newly divorced ex couple, cop on. They probably value their time and money and opportunity to relax and being in the middle (no matter if you think you get on, you clearly don’t enough) would be a rubbish break for them. Start a new tradition, and or do new things with them, but you can’t seriously expect to be invited. It’s part of the grief of divorce losing stuff like this, but it is something you need to deal with:

I lost a lot of friends when I divorced exH. It's horrible and devastating.

Totally on your side OP - I don’t agree with ‘it’s a couples holiday’ - you’re all friends so it really shouldn’t matter as long as you’re happy to go and can be civil with each other. It’s a bit of a cop out from the other friends too, you’re being penalised cause of his opinions. It would be unfair if any other single friend wasn’t allowed cause they’re not part of a couple too.

PS watch The Four Seasons on Netflix (Tina Fey) - very apt for your circumstances.

I would bet he goes and you are excluded.

This!

Yes I wondered this too. I don't think I'd want to go on holiday with a couple in the process of divorcing, no matter how amicable they professed to be. But equally I would never dream of excluding my friend if they wanted to come, particularly at such a tumultuous time in their life.

Basically I have splinters in my arse from all this fence sitting don't know but this doesn't half remind me of the ski trip episode of Friends after Ross & Rachel broke up.

This is a joke, right?

If they are using up holiday time and splashing the cash for a kid free get away I can totally understand why they wouldn’t want to be surrounded by bad vibes. Maybe last years holiday felt like awkward and uncomfortable for them as the couple they were holidaying with was on the verge of divorce

This
I honestly don't think anyone deliberately set out to hurt you OP and I can understand your husband's POV too.
Please take care OP

Nor mine. I have been split up and also been a married woman in a group with divorced women. I don't think the OP needs to hear these horror stories about how badly society treats divorced/widowed women.

Yes i think the dynamic would change but no I dont see not being invited means the women are worried you want to jump their partners

Has anyone genuinely thought this of a single women or is one of those made up things people say to make themselves feel better?

I would give women more credit than thinking they want to sleep with my husband, it all seems incredibly childish

I can see why you are not invited and if tou are that devastated I would work on that, a bit disappointed but move on I get

I’m afraid when the trip happens you’ll see ex-H may well end up on it and that’s why he is wasn’t willing to share.

Well, I can certainly sympathise and understand you being upset, but I think it’s a bit unreasonable to be “hurt” as that would imply some kind of wrongdoing on their part. It was a couples trip and you are no longer a couple.

This is just one of those things that is shit about break ups. I hope you feel better soon, make some new connections, new friendships - start some new traditions with your friends? 💐

It happened to me too. Men who had shown no interest in me before were (not part of the friend group but from a hobby I do) suddenly had a lot more interest in talking to me, offering help etc. I suspect its because a married OW is a bigger risk than a single one. A single one will not carry the risk of the husband finding out.

I think it’s maybe quite rare that there are friends that are so equally yours and his, that they don’t feel loyalty to one party or other, or that one of you doesn’t naturally “get” these friends.

What would have been nice, I guess, was if for this first year at least, they said “well let’s have a girls trip and a boys trip this year, so it’s not awkward for you guys”, or did this separately from the couples’ trip, on different weekends.

A bit mean to exclude you entirely for any weekend away with any of them.

No one gets dropped faster by married friends than a newly single woman, ask me how I know.

Before I was divorced more than one former friend voiced concern over another divorced friend because I think that they saw her as a threat. It was never said explicitly but it was implied.

I still invited her to things but you could tell they didnt like it. Then of course they did the same to me. I wanted to say "I am happy you love your husband but dont assume that just because I am now single I want to snaffle him off you!"

@BillieNoM888

Thank you. 🌼

This is where it changes op. Married friends don’t invite single friends to things I found. Life is different now. Start building new friendships and traditions.

I don't even think it's that they worry a single woman will be angling for the men.

It's just that (unfortunately, I don't condone this) single women, especially if no longer young, just have low social value. They aren't seen as interesting, etc., compared to single men, especially by established couples who like that couples vibe. And there's an undercurrent of "is she now going to expect special treatment, additional help around the house, etc." that turns people off.

Try being a single middle-aged or older woman; you might as well not exist socially, except in women-only groups of a similar age.

I heard someone refer to a newly single female friend thus: "She's now a project, not a peer." Grim.

Well the dynamic is couples so a single messes with that, simple really.
Start a new thing of the women, or whoever you like, going on holiday.

Bizarre that so many mixed sex friendship groups exist without single women in them because they are threats and fair game.That is not my experience at all fortunately, but good luck OP, sounds like you need to just have female only friendships from now on.

@ChristmasCountdown2025, [Hugs]

@AliceMaforethought if you want to think I'm just a really spiteful woman with a nasty username posting complete shite, that's your call. If you ever get divorced or widowed, sadly you'll find out for yourself.

Unwatching this thread.