Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

This was one of the worst things about divorce. I gave up after a few months, and joined other social groups, one of which was a fell walking club. Ex decided to join the same group, I protested, so he said he would only go on the walks I didn't attend, but he joined with some of his lady friends (teachers at the same school as him) who did go on the same walks as me, and tried to harass me for some reason, insisting on walking with me and complaining that I wasn't being friendly! It was bizarre, at one point, on an occasion where we had a dinner at a hotel after the walk which included the use of a spa and showers, I was in a changing room trying to remain pleasant and sociable with a woman who had been one of his sexual partners while we were married. I felt as though I had been dropped into the plot of a novel, and did wonder about writing one myself, but found I was too busy with having a lovely life after divorce 🤣

And here's why "friendship groups" are horrible. Stop seeing them as a group and see them as a collection of people who are your friends. If you still want to be friends with any of them after this. (I wouldn't, they're pathetic)

Some people really are ridiculous. It's hive mind and I would start focusing on people as individuals.

As for a "couples' trip", is anyone allowed to do something individually on these trips or do they have to do everything as a couple? It sounds smothery and twee.

So sorry OP they're awful.

Yeah fair enough I suppose. I don’t know why a single person couldn’t go on a couples trip personally. But then again I’m not going!

On a separate note, I do think it’s good to have single friends when you’re single yourself. They seem to have a bit more availability to go and do fun things.

It doesn't sound like that would work, because everyone except OP thinks it would be undesirable for a single person to go on a couples trip.

I think the group are trying to be “fair”.

Could you agree with ex that one of you will go one year the other the following year?

I agree with him you both being there together is weird for everyone.

Friendships change in divorce OP. It’s not nice or necessarily fair, but it’s life.

To be fair affairs happen for lots of different reasons. I've know all my friends husbands, I have also heard my friends moan about their husbands and wouldn't touch them with a barge pole other than a friendly hug or kiss on the cheek. If other women feel threatened by me then they really don't know me given my marriage ended because my husband was in love with someone else and I absolutely could not do that to another woman.

I voted YABU I m afraid .This is a specific trip with couples .If they invited you alone it would be awkward I think .ditto if ex came along when you had been a happy couple previously .Its hard but this is the reality of Divorce .If you get another partner then u will have their friends .I would look for new chums I think

Right, both the new version and the old movie version it was based off. Now that would really be awkward.

Just go somewhere on your own.

4 couples on holiday sounds hellish to me, but you surely can see that you going on a couples holiday on your own or as part of a split couple when you ex isn’t on board does change the dynamic of the holiday and make the others uncomfortable with upsetting your ex?

Yes, now that would be really awkward, and I think OP would know what it meant to be "devastated" if they invited his new girlfriend along on the holiday. So much better that neither of them attends this yeaer.

Maybe the group have watched that and want to stave off the horror of either of them bringing an annoying 28 year old on future group holidays!

It literally is the plot of Four Seasons then!

Nope, never found this at all after I split from my ex and was single/casually dating for more than 3 years. My female friends, married or single, were all great. I've heard this trope being bandied about by some women, but have never come across it myself.

But I was never over "friendly" with any of their husbands/partners/boyfriends either before or after I split from my ex. and always respectful of boundaries. And I didn't expect anyone to bend over backwards for me or treat me with kid gloves.

It's just awkward af because they used to be a couple in the couples holiday group and now they're not. The dynamic is now different, there may well upsets, naturally difficult feelings and no divorce is EVER just smooth sailing. The couples group who are spending their hard earned money on a lovely relaxing and fun couples holiday aren't a therapy group for newly single soon to be divorcees and don't want to be.

Plenty of time to do stuff with their newly single friend that doesn't make their well earned holiday a bit more shit, difficult, or awkward in any way. Couples holidays are for couples.

No need to look deeper than that.

Also occurs to me that the friends may worry that whichever one came could well have a new relationship by then and want to bring them.

Nonsense

you had shit flakey friends. The end

And it doesn't seem to have occurred to OP that her ex may well be dating, the last thing he'll want is to hang around on a holiday with his ex when he's seeing someone else.

All this scoffing about singles upsetting the balance I do get but a friend holidayed in a couples group and she invited her single friend. Who shagged one of the married men. Marriage over/ devastated teens/ divorce. Now friend has to spend half the holiday with him and kids then second half with the wife and the kids. The single friend is no longer invited.

I eventually got dropped when I got divorced even by friends who didn't like my exH. Married women don't like single women around their husbands simple as that.
As a single woman my life changed considerably.
I've been divorced twice and same thing happened twice.

Why is the ex so hard to resist women cant control themselves and throw themselves at men every time they walk past they cant revisit him

Is this a serious idea that you do to women or men when you habe a chance? Can you not resist single men? Which is why you came up with the idea?

Or possibly ex is preparing the rest of the group for the introduction of a girlfriend.

I suspect they probably thought it would sound better if they frame it around loyalties. Not so personal as saying we specifically do not want your presence at this event because we think you will make it less enjoyable. It's not about you it's the principle.

One of the women in the groups is worried their partner has eyes for you, and that if you go on the holiday without a partner then they are paranoid about what would happen.

i would put money that this is the ‘problem’ and that eventually they will shun you regardless of context.

sorry! It’s shitty behaviour but they are protecting their interests.

Ex isn't stopping OP going, he (understandably IMO) doesn't want to go on holiday with her. Neither are invited on their own. Maybe ex would be happy to go alone like OP if it was feasible? It would be unfair if either went IMO.

I would imagine that this group were put on the spot when OP turned around and said she'd be happy to still go with ex. I wouldn't relish the thought of going on holiday with a couple that were going through a divorce

I don’t get all these ‘couple’s ‘ trips, etc but some people do it, like your group. If you’re now single, I don’t see why you would want to go on a couple’s trip. They’ll be doing things together and you’ll just feel left out. I don’t think the trip will bring you the same comfort it used to have.
I can see why the couples won’t want to have either you or your ex either ‘ together’ or separately on this trip.
If the ladies in the group planned a trip and left you out then that’ll be bad.

It is uncomfortable when people divorce and you were friends with both of them. The friendship group take the path of least resistance in many ways. Who makes it easier for them. Not saying its right, just that its what ive seen happen.

If you've always been a couple friend of this group I would say its likely this isn't the last thing you won't be invited to.

And I genuinely dont think its about the risk of a single woman. I just think the dynamics shift and its not as "easy" as it was having couples. We have friends who have either always been single or always been in a couple. When one of the couples divorced it wasn't very amicable at the start so different to what your saying, but we tried to invite everyone to everything and because of the lack of amicability between the divorced couple we just started inviting the one who moaned and complained less...because its easier.