Devastated over not being invited on group holiday

Pointless bump of zombie thread. @Nogimachi . Just why?

It's just life. I sympathise but it is what it is. It's a couple's weekend away.

Gosh how horrible. It sounds like if it’s a couples holiday it would just be really awkward having you there as not a couple. You can see they don’t want to take sides. How sad.

@GuyForksAndKnives

But it could be the thin end of the wedge. What about when they both get new partners? What then?

Well that would be up to them and a whole new thread

puppymaddness

And the pp replied that that would be fine as it's a "couple's holiday". So random woman you don't know = great: But your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome.

Hardly random, it's his hypothetical new partner? Not sure why all the focus is on his new partner, maybe she'll go with her new partner? And maybe the group will have got to know their hypothetical new partners before they go on this hypothetical future holiday and will be friends with them also?

OP and her ex haven't been told they aren't invited because it's a 'couple's holiday' but because the group want to try to stay impartial.

your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome

Neither of their actual friends are invited this time

who knows? The couple only split up in July, that's not even 6 months ago. Things will settle and become clearer. These things work out organically.

But it could be the thin end of the wedge. What about when they both get new partners? What then?

But the issue isn’t having a single person on a holiday with a group that has always been made up of several couples, it’s the fact that the group is equally friends with both people in the former couple, one of the divorced couple has said she’s happy to attend if he’s there, but the other has said not, and the group doesn’t want to choose one over the other, for this specific holiday. They’re not ditching the OP as a friend, they just want a peaceful holiday this year.

@Frenchfrychic .

I think that’s why the poster is baffled, she appears to think they are approaching and inviting random people to go on holiday with them, or that anyone even does that, rather than a single friend. If I thought that I’d also be baffled.

Devastated? Stop being so dramatic and grow up.

but it's not random people

it's a group of existing friends with a tradition of couple holidays, organising another couple holiday, and who -rightly - don't want to pick one half of a divorced couple over the other. How is that baffling?

Maybe it's a bit selfish, they - maybe - don't want to ruin their holiday with dealing with a broken heart post-divorce either, who knows. Couldn't blame them either way.

Unfortunately this is par for the course with divorce, people you thought were friends quickly drop you especially couples. I actually moved partly because that meant a fresh start rather than the social media posts of the things you no longer got invited to (obviously still not going but seeing posts is less hurtful)

I don’t find this, we were faithful to both our friends post divorce, as posted earlier. And everyone I know does this. But I do feel it sad this has happened to people. But I do suspect that’s about how good the friendship was in the first place. Many women don’t prioritise friends, but their children, meaning when divorce happens their friendships are not strong enough to carry them through.

Then you are not following the thread of what I was responding to.

Someone said "If not this year, he’ll be there next year with his new girlfriend. That’s how it always goes."

And the pp replied that that would be fine as it's a "couple's holiday". So random woman you don't know = great: But your actual friend who you usually invite= not welcome.

women’s social status has been defined by her husband/mate. It sucks. Men typically have more social value and command more attention. In my observation it is more often the men and their new girlfriend who remain part of couples groups.

it's basically this, and so many women on this thread endorsing this social reality.

I mean this politely but I think you’ve misread. It is not any random person, it is a group of friends, they are not inviting random people.

Of course people are free to holiday with who they want. I'm just baffled that people's preferred criteria for who they chose to holiday with would be any random person as long as they are in "a couple" rather than - my friend who I love as a person (and who remains the same person regardless of their relationship status).

But nothing as queer as folk as they say...

I am a little bemused you’re baffled. So when you organise a girls night out, the females are welcome to bring their boyfriends or husbands, as they want to come. And this is fine with you? Or they bring their kids, their elderly aunt, their loner little brother. Where do you draw the line, if someone wants to holiday with you, you just decide their needs are key and say fine?

Sadly this is what happens after a divorce. Time to start new traditions for this new chapter in life. They might be better! Also, it's good to find single friends as well as your couple friends. I don't know about you but being single means that you need people who can relate to what this is like. My couple friends could never comprehend how my day to day life presents. I am responsible for funding repairs, arranging tradespeople to do those repairs, paying the bills, mortgage, providing childcare alone etc. I'd find it very difficult going on a couple's holiday and seeing what I'm missing out on but that's just me.

when someone organises a "couple holiday", I'd say their choices are pretty important, yes

If you organise a "girls" holiday, you are happy for your friend's husband to suddenly show up, because he's just as important? 😂😂

If someone wants a different holiday, why don't they do the work and organise it themselves? Why should friends pick a side in a divorce, and ruin their own holiday by having to stick with the single person in a couple holiday, instead of just doing things as a .. couple.

I think it’s just that single/divorced/widowed women (partnerless) have low social value, unfortunately.

Solo people are discriminated against in myriad ways and historically women’s social status has been defined by her husband/mate. It sucks. Men typically have more social value and command more attention. In my observation it is more often the men and their new girlfriend who remain part of couples groups.

Here’s an article that touches on some of the points; there are many similar discussions on Reddit and the like.

https://capsulenz.com/think/opinion/cost-of-being-single/

Well, in the group the OP describes, the friends are literally ‘couple friends’, as one is a former colleague of the OP’s and one a colleague of her ex-DH (not clear whether those two are a couple or whether they are married to other people in the group), so it’s not a matter of them really being the friends of the OP or her ex, it’s a group thst seems to have been pulled together in the first place. Which makes it extra-difficult when the founding members divorce, and one wants to go on a group holiday that includes the ex and one doesn’t. I can see entirely why they’ve decided to go ahead this year without either.

Why is someone being in a couple more important than the individual person in terms of wanting to holiday with them 😂. Baffling.

I have 2 close friends, been friends since 14 .
We met in secondary school ..
One is married ,other in very LTR , I’m separated 10 years ..
I never join them in couples anything, well I actually never did prior to being separated, they never liked him , I never listened 😂 ..
Anyway , my point is we meet together lots , I just don’t meet with them & their partners..