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AIBU?

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AIBU - DS left out due to fear of dogs

278 replies

UnicornDust20 · 05/11/2025 06:11

Hi Mums, I’m just after some outside perspective regarding a situation surrounding DS (7).

He’s had a fear of dogs for a long time now and we’ve never got to the bottom of it. We’ve tried CBT and various other methods with no luck, so we are now hoping that he will eventually “grow out of it”. Unfortunately this now seems to mean that he’s not being invited to various get-togethers with a couple of school friends that he’s known for years.

One of these friends (who lives down the road) had a small family gathering at their house (with 3 dogs) for their birthday party. We happened to bump into the other friend on their way round to theirs to celebrate their birthday. Nothing was mentioned to us about it, however both friends were talking about it at school. The reason for the non invite was because of the dogs. I then found out that they were getting together to do fireworks in their garden tonight. Again nothing was mentioned and their reason was the dogs (surely the dogs would be inside anyway?). I know that there have been a few other get togethers where we’ve had no invite.

I don’t expect an invite to everything as we aren’t glued at the hip and the fear of dogs is limiting, but AIBU to perhaps expect to be asked if we would like to arrange something together (separately from the plans surrounding dogs) so that my son can be involved? He considers these 2 his closest friends but they talk about these things in school and he gets upset not feeling involved. Perhaps I’m expecting too much, and expecting too many adjustments for us 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 05/11/2025 06:19

I was also going to say invite the friends to yours. Then your son isn't left out.

(My daughter has someway overcome her fear as she has grown up. We can now go to a family members that has a dog.)

ApolloandDaphne · 05/11/2025 06:15

I can see why your DS wasn't invited to these gatherings. If you want him to maintain friendships you need to invite his friends to yours or hold family gatherings at yours. It's not the fault of the other families that they have dogs and your DS is afraid of them. It's certainly going to curtail his social life to some extent.

Frequency · 05/11/2025 06:15

I can't decide if YABU or not. On the one hand, I feel like they should be extending an invite regardless of the dogs and giving your DS the option, but I think expecting them to make separate plans is a bit much to ask.

We have a large, bouncy dog, and when people are nervous of him, I keep him on a house lead. Are they not willing to do that, or would DS not manage with that either? I think if they're not even trying to include him by managing the dogs, that is a bit unreasonable of them.

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