AIBU - DS left out due to fear of dogs

Sadky there is nothing much do be done. DS is terrified of dogs,so other parents dont invite him. Can you blame them?And I dont understand what you expect them to do separately. The dogs are around. Not their problem I am afraid .

We have 2 dogs, both friendly spaniels. When my kids were younger, a couple of their friends were petrified of dogs. It made life really difficult when they came to our house, as they constantly screamed and cried any time a dog came near them. It did make me think twice about having them over, as the dogs are part of my family and can't be avoided when you come to our house.

Have you thought of hypnotherapy for your child to remove his fear. A competent therapist can remove the phobia in a session

No because it's the dog's house! Thats like saying. I don't like children, will you put it in a cage while we socialise for a few hours.
You though I'd make you sit on the grass

It's sad for your son, but kids friends who are scared of dogs are really difficult to manage when you have dogs so easier to not invite sadly.

Why would you need to be aware of plans that you cant attend?

*AIBU to perhaps expect to be asked if we would like to arrange something together (separately from the plans surrounding dogs) so that my son can be involved?

You have to arrange the separate dog free event.

Yanbu to wish that the boys didn’t discuss things at school so your son is left unaware of these invites but having a fireworks get together on the 5th November isn’t surprising if you live in England,

Either he can be around dogs or he can't. If he can't people who own them won't invite him.

I hope he can say he wants to get over the dog thing, and maybe you could arrange to meet the dog friends in the park so he can get used to them gradually.

Once it's made clear that you and he want him to start acclimatising to dogs then things will hopefully change. But then again your child can't always be invited to everything.

Ah, yes. I see. Thank you for clarifying. I didn’t understand that is what she was saying. It'd be a no from me too.

But maybe they like to host and have people around? They know your DS would decline so they don’t waste their time.

i hate dogs myself.

Ooh that’s a difficult one .
I am a dog lover. I have a dog , he’s small and very non threatening but I appreciate that many people don’t like dogs , are scared or have a phobia.
We had neighbours pop round unexpectedly and I know they seem very nervous of my dog so we sat inside and I put my dog out in the garden with his water dish and a few toys and kept checking on him ( the weather was mild and cloudy )
That’s not possible with lots of children I think 🤔 and 3 dogs.
But they could make a habit of letting you know every time just in case your son overcomes the phobia

My son is scared of dogs too and honestly, he wouldn't even be comfortable going to a house where he knows a dog is in the other room because he'd spend the whole time scared that it would be let out by accident. Would your son really be able to relax at a busy party knowing that is a possibility?

We only go to dog free houses or just invite people to ours instead.

Most people aren't going to like it if someone else tries to host every event on their behalf anyway. People like to have things in their own homes. If someone wanted to host my child's party at their place for their child's sake, I'd be, "No thanks."

I'm not understanding this. What do you mean 'my point is that we aren’t even aware that plans are being made, otherwise we would host? ' Why would you be hosting if you were aware plans were being made? Hosting means you're making the plans and no one can stop you doing that off your own bat.

Because a bunch of 6-8year olds can’t necessarily be trusted to not accidental let the dog out, because some dogs would get a lot of (noisy) anxiety by the noise of a party or fireworks on the other side of the door and need to be dealt with, because a 7yo creating around a nervous or excited dog is a recipe for disaster, because a “family party” for a birthday may mean other dogs are invited and the homeowner may not want them locked up together unsupervised, because not everyone has a lockable room to keep a dog (bathrooms are often used during parties), because if someone is hosting a party they should be able to enjoy it, because dogs need to be let out for a piss occasionally. It’s not “breaking up the child’s friendship” - the child can see his friend at school and at his own house and at other activities. It’s not “making him feel rejected” he doesn’t bloody want to go to the dogs house - he’s the one doing the rejecting.

Dd as a child had really severe allergies to cats in particular but also other furry animals. For every invite I would need to ask about pets in the home and decline if there was a cat. Dd was invited anyway even when they knew I'd decline. I wouldn't have expected them to shut the cat out or deep clean to accommodate dd. I think it was kind of them to invite her anyway. I did host far more than my fair share of playdates to ensure dd didn't miss out. I think OP you will need to do the same.

There is no need to break up a friendship. They can do other things together outside the home with the dogs. Not sure what kind of simple adjustment you're talking about.

Some of us don't have an easy place to take a dog for a few hours. No family around, all my friends have dogs and one of mine has problems with other dogs. Not everyone can pay the high kennel fees for a short stay. I don't mind crating them for a short time but not the duration of an entire party.

Because, maybe, it's not 'a simple adjustment' .

No one is stopping them 'being friends' at school etc

But at a child's birthday maybe having grandparents/Aunts & Uncles there - who bring their dogs is more important to the family than one school friend.

Msybe having their own dog not be shut out is more important to them?

Maybe they don't want to spend their child's Birthday party dealing with a child being nervous/hysterical etc

it's their house, their party, their choice.

One of my daughter’s friends from school has a big fear of dogs. When we have birthday parties I take the dogs to my MILs because I don’t want her to be left out and she’d be too frightened to come in the house if the dog was there, even if we locked it a bedroom or something. They may not have that option, and if I didn’t I would invite regardless as I don’t like the thought of children being left out. I have however come to realise that not all parents are so conscious of what might upset other kids….

Why break up your child's friendship and make a child feel rejected, because you are too thoughtless to make a simple adjustment for a few hours? Its not odd to expect people to care about children.

Sorry.... 😇

It is a difficult situation,but i dont think there is anything to be done. They have aright to host events and as your DS is terrified of dogs,why would they ask him. ?
And you say you have playdates etc so you are doing your bit.
But your DS fear of dogs cant stop them hosting events at times. Sorry.

Our dog is part of our family and lives in our house. I will not lock him up somewhere or force him to be quite literally on the outside looking into people. One of DD’s friends is afraid of dogs, I make efforts to keep him away from her if she comes round but that’s it.

This.