Page 2 | Husband going through bin for cat food

mrsgumpy · 2025-11-02T20:25:19+00:00

So I need some perspective on this. And yes I know it is ridiculous to be arguing about cat food. My husband hates waste. He thinks I don't get all the cat food out of the sachet when I feed the cat. I try to squeeze all the cat food out but I find it disgusting so I am not going to use a teaspoon and scrap every last bit out of the sachet. I prefer to get as much as I can out by squeezing the sachet and then chucking it in the bin. However, every time I feed the cat, DH goes into the rubbish bin, finds the sachet and then scraps the rest of the cat food out. It drove me a bit crazy for a while and then I just decided to let him go for it. This morning it started to irritated me all over again to see DH rummaging in the bin and then trying to scrap out tiny morsels of cat food from the sachet. I am the first up in the morning, which is why I feed the cat otherwise I would just leave him to it. Whenever he feeds the cat it is such a palaver that the poor cat is almost beside himself with waiting for something to eat. DH also likes to ration the cat's food to avoid waste so he eeks out the cat food in small portions over the course of the day, which means we have a constantly meowing cat around the house. Drives me crazy. Ok, so what do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I just let DH rummage through the bin for cat food and not care about it?

Original poster

mrsgumpy · 10/11/2025 08:12

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/11/2025 07:59

Oh FFS. There’s 85g in a sachet of cat food so he’s basically keeping two teaspoons back? He’s a fuckwit.

Yup, it is a tiny amount. He rations it out in small doses.

OP posts:

crazeekat · 10/11/2025 08:08

he has issues. Poor cat. Feed the cat when husband iS it around so at least he/she gets one pouch with no stress, and gets over the manic hunger waiting for food.
but this is is controlling behaviour too. He clearly issues that are actually not to do with the cat food as he wants control. If you don’t have the cat he will move onto something else to control.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/11/2025 07:59

Oh FFS. There’s 85g in a sachet of cat food so he’s basically keeping two teaspoons back? He’s a fuckwit.

Catwalking · 10/11/2025 07:51

Frankly I would purchase the cat food.
Then, stick a large label on the box that, “this cat food belongs to me”.
Put out food for cat as & when needed in, the manner I preferred.
I might even leave a sign beside the cat food bowl to warn that dh to keep off.

Let that dh muck about with bins, pouch remains, spoons & whatever, to his hearts content.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/11/2025 07:47

In ASDA, a box of 40 sachets of their own Tiger wet food sachets is £7.98. That is 0.1995 pence so we will round it up to 20p.

20p !!! thus half a sachet is 10p, a quarter of a sachet is 5p

You have much bigger problems than squabbling over 5p...

and from what you have said about Costco or wherever value dried cat food I don't imagine the cat is on anything more expensive that ASDA's Tiger.

Poor cat !

ChatBotBelly · 10/11/2025 07:44

I feel like he is doing an experiment trying to find the right balance of the minimum the cat can live on.

NJC7 · 10/11/2025 07:38

mrsgumpy · 10/11/2025 07:32

So I have been making sure that the cat gets a full sachet in the morning, and one in the evening, and biscuits throughout the day. But this morning I slept in and when I woke up the cat was meowing. DH had fed the cat but only half a sachet. I said could we give the cat a full one. So DH went back to give cat more food. The cat was soon out in the kitchen again so I went to check his food and DH had only given the cat another 1/4 and then left the other 1/4 for later. So the cat got 3/4 in total. I said again that the cat needed a full sachet and then husband started getting angry with me about not wanting waste and that food gets left in the bowl. But there was nothing left in the bowl. Instead a silly 1/4 amount still left in the sachet for later. It is insanity. We ended up arguing about it. Again.

It feels so ridiculous to write all this. I am a professional woman arguing repeatedly with her DH about a cat. I don't know why we cannot just give the cat a full sachet of food in the morning.

Morning, sorry to hear you’re upset, rightly so btw. I’m most concerned about your use of “I asked”

You don’t need to ask permission to feed your own cat. Please remember that. You’re living on eggshells. X

Original poster

mrsgumpy · 10/11/2025 07:32

So I have been making sure that the cat gets a full sachet in the morning, and one in the evening, and biscuits throughout the day. But this morning I slept in and when I woke up the cat was meowing. DH had fed the cat but only half a sachet. I said could we give the cat a full one. So DH went back to give cat more food. The cat was soon out in the kitchen again so I went to check his food and DH had only given the cat another 1/4 and then left the other 1/4 for later. So the cat got 3/4 in total. I said again that the cat needed a full sachet and then husband started getting angry with me about not wanting waste and that food gets left in the bowl. But there was nothing left in the bowl. Instead a silly 1/4 amount still left in the sachet for later. It is insanity. We ended up arguing about it. Again.

It feels so ridiculous to write all this. I am a professional woman arguing repeatedly with her DH about a cat. I don't know why we cannot just give the cat a full sachet of food in the morning.

OP posts:

FurForksSake · 09/11/2025 22:10

Honestly, the cat is probably the best treated in this scenario with plentiful biscuits and two sachets a day. He generally attitude is problematic.

Midgetgemsplease · 09/11/2025 22:08

HelloDenise · 05/11/2025 20:23

This man isn't fit to have a cat.

Damn right he's not. He's not fit to have a wife either!

NJC7 · 09/11/2025 00:53

mrsgumpy · 03/11/2025 20:23

As well-meaning as this post is, this whole scenario sketched out has made me realised how insane my situation is. That reads like an abused wife hiding make up or her secret cellphone from her husband.

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Read what you’ve written again OP…. You are an abused wife, you just don’t realise yet.

Ijwwm · 06/11/2025 23:13

Enough with the navel-gazing about the flipping remnants left in pouches.

You need to make it a priority to find a decent, complete dry food that your cat will actually eat. And then supplement it with a, hopefully, decent pouch or tin of wet cat food a day.

Otherwise, neither of you should be responsible for a cat. You are both failing it.

Davros · 06/11/2025 20:52

@Catwalking our cat lived happily for 18 years on only (good quality) dry food

poetryandwine · 06/11/2025 13:03

Catwalking · 06/11/2025 09:44

It is VERY IMPORTANT for cats to have wet food.
Cats have evolved for millions of yrs to barely drink at all, as all fluids necessary can be obtained from the meats eaten. Humans have only been feeding cats for a very short part of of evolutionary time, definitely not long enough for felines to have evolved to fit with eating only dry food. Some cat people would say cats should only ever have raw meat.

Show quote history

Our vet was fine with our feeding practices, having queried her diet and fluid intake periodically. Her health certainly did not suffer.

I would suggest that each cat be similarly monitored by its vet.

waterrat · 06/11/2025 10:27

this just makes me so sad.

Life does not need to be this difficult day to day op you are on edge!

Catwalking · 06/11/2025 09:44

poetryandwine · 04/11/2025 18:54

This sounds incredibly difficult, OP. I think I would have difficulty feeling physical affection at any level towards someone who treated me this way. I would not be wanting to share a bed

But I don’t think cats need wet food if they can have high quality kibble (the small biscuits) on demand. Our beautiful, shiny female thrived on a diet of dry food, a small bowl of morning milk, plenty of water and the odd treat of a small portion of liver, fish, giblets, etc. She finally had to be PTS age 17

It is VERY IMPORTANT for cats to have wet food.
Cats have evolved for millions of yrs to barely drink at all, as all fluids necessary can be obtained from the meats eaten. Humans have only been feeding cats for a very short part of of evolutionary time, definitely not long enough for felines to have evolved to fit with eating only dry food. Some cat people would say cats should only ever have raw meat.

HelloDenise · 05/11/2025 20:23

This man isn't fit to have a cat.

SomethingFun · 05/11/2025 18:30

Poor cat. My tiny girls get at least two packets and biscuits, your strapping male cat needs more than one packet eked out with shit biscuits he doesn’t like.

I couldn’t live like this, no other personal qualities could make up for this slow death by a thousand (budget) cuts. What are you doing with this man op?

OvernightBloats · 05/11/2025 18:20

If he is starving the cat by eking out the food, nothing excuses that behaviour.

He may have had a difficult childhood by going to boarding school; he may have had a mother who overfed her animals but this does not excuse his miserly, obsessive, controlling behaviour towards you and the cat.

Salvadoridory · 05/11/2025 18:14

I don't understand why you choose this life. Why not just leave and find a normal person? Or be alone with your cat?

Original poster

mrsgumpy · 05/11/2025 18:12

665theneighborofthebeast · 05/11/2025 15:08

Has he ever clearly stated what his objective is here. I.e. defined the point at which he will be happy.
Is there an amount of money in the bank account that is enough?
If you don't have to put your bins out because there is nothing in them will he be finally joyful?
Or is "not being wasteful" some nebulous idea that he can use to control his environment and everyone/ thing that shares it with him?
I think you are going to be spending your life trying to prove a negative here. You have a good idea at what point scraping an empty packet of cat feed becomes a waste of time and energy . He doesn't.
You understand the value of having occasional luxuries to make the times between them bearable. The value of having things to look forward to. He doesn't.
You can't change him. Especially if he doesn't know what he wants.
You can only change you.

Theres a thing going round " let them" where you take no responsibility ( or stress from) the behaviour of others. ...I can't do it though.
I would give the cat 1/2 a packet of food infront of him and drop the rest in the bin ...infront of him.
And then do it again as soon as he starts rummaging.
I'd do it over and over and over until I'd been through a whole box of the stuff...then tell him if he thinks thats wasteful he should see what a divorce is going to cost him.

Then I'd put the cat in a basket and leave because thats dangerously confrontational and I'm nasty but not stupid.

"Or is "not being wasteful" some nebulous idea that he can use to control his environment and everyone/ thing that shares it with him?"

THIS. It is definitely a control thing.

"You understand the value of having occasional luxuries to make the times between them bearable. The value of having things to look forward to. He doesn't."

Also this.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsgumpy · 05/11/2025 18:09

BagpussWasRight · 05/11/2025 13:52

I was thinking about your situation this morning when i fed my little tortie.
I have just come home from the vets, where I sat next to a lovely, kind man, probably in his late thirties, who spoke about his old cat, and mine, with such humour and gentleness that it made me tearful, because my husband would never have done or felt this, which is why pets were a no-no for me and our children.
But reading that your husband calls you slovenly and wasteful has made me really angry, I think he resents your cat, I think he secretly hates it, and my gut feeling is that he is seething with contempt.
His obsessive, determined checking of the bins is exactly the same mindset as a man who would go through your phone/purchases/receipts/quiz you about where you have been etc. i.e. a nasty control freak.
If you can do this safely, I would record, or listen outside the door, to see if he has a running commentary when he is picking through the bin, that will tell you who he is when he thinks no one can hear him.😪

Tbc, he doesn't actually called me slovenly and wasteful, it is just that this is what I hear when he does this as I know that he is obsessed with cleanliness and waste. He does say throwing the sachets away without scrapping them out is wasteful.

He doesn't check up about me at all. Actually kind of the opposite. I could disappear all day and he wouldn't ask where I have been. Ditto the evenings.

I posted in another thread about boarding school - he is completely unavailable in pretty much all aspects.

If we are going into subconscious territory, his mum is/was OBSESSED with her cats. She is quite an unemotional and scrimpy person generally but the cats are completely indulged and end up way overweight and unhealthy. I think this is part of it too. His mum had all these cats that she showers/ed with affection and sent him away to boarding school...

OP posts:

Fifthtimelucky · 05/11/2025 17:47

Definitely rinse the pouches, otherwise the bin will smell.

Even better, don’t put the pouches in the bin at all. Take them to the supermarket with your other soft plastics so they can be recycled.

665theneighborofthebeast · 05/11/2025 15:08

Has he ever clearly stated what his objective is here. I.e. defined the point at which he will be happy.
Is there an amount of money in the bank account that is enough?
If you don't have to put your bins out because there is nothing in them will he be finally joyful?
Or is "not being wasteful" some nebulous idea that he can use to control his environment and everyone/ thing that shares it with him?
I think you are going to be spending your life trying to prove a negative here. You have a good idea at what point scraping an empty packet of cat feed becomes a waste of time and energy . He doesn't.
You understand the value of having occasional luxuries to make the times between them bearable. The value of having things to look forward to. He doesn't.
You can't change him. Especially if he doesn't know what he wants.
You can only change you.

Theres a thing going round " let them" where you take no responsibility ( or stress from) the behaviour of others. ...I can't do it though.
I would give the cat 1/2 a packet of food infront of him and drop the rest in the bin ...infront of him.
And then do it again as soon as he starts rummaging.
I'd do it over and over and over until I'd been through a whole box of the stuff...then tell him if he thinks thats wasteful he should see what a divorce is going to cost him.

Then I'd put the cat in a basket and leave because thats dangerously confrontational and I'm nasty but not stupid.

Davros · 05/11/2025 14:47

I think Bagpuss IS right, there’s a lot of sense in what she says