To be upset that my partner 'almost pulled'

This a not a man of quality. He sounds like a total dick.

He's speaking to you like you're one of his mates instead of his partner who he's meant to be respectful of. I think he's been deliberate in his messages and has either told you in order to provoke a bit of jealousy and play with your feelings a bit, or he crossed a line and is worried it will get back to you and is giving you a watered down version of events to get in front of it. My guess is its the former given that you asked him if he pulled which is a weird thing to do in a relationship and you've opened yourself up to an uncomfortable response by making an uncomfortable joke in the first place

Personally I wouldn't waste time on someone who thinks this is a respectful way to act and I'd end it block and delete.

OK, left field interpretation (but it's something that happened to me with an ex). Is there any possibility he is interested in swinging, something like that? And when you asked if he had pulled, he kind of thought, ooh, green light, she likes the idea of imagining me with another woman, I will play into this fantasy a bit here.....

I think it's something people can find hard to bring up in relationships, for fear of their partner reacting in horror, so tho it would be better to just be up front, they often look for little clues instead.

I'd have it out with him. Ask him if he fantasies, maybe about being with other people and telling you/you watching/,being involved even. And was that what was going on?

If so, you can just tell him either to drop it (or join in with the fantasy, whatever your preference is).

If it's not that then he's an utterly disrespectful dick and I would kick him to the curb!

Yes. That’s what I wondered. Strange question if not previous problems.

was he joking? maybe he’s insulted that you asked the question and is taking the piss?

It's a strange thing to ask, did you already not trust him? Asking that as a 'joke' has something underlying.

Regardless... that response is not okay. That behaviour would be a serious red flag to me.

News flash - I really don’t think he thinks he’s in a relationship with you.

It does seem like he has different ideas to you about you being in a relationship! You deserve better, block and move on.

Asking your partner if they pulled, if you’re presumably in a monogamous relationship, just seems a weird thing to do in the first place. Unless you thought the answer might be yes, why would you think about it? I don’t think he sees the relationship the same way as you do, hence being so candid in his reply: he thinks you’re just casually seeing each other and you’re asking him if he pulled because it’s assumed you’re both fine with that.

Don't bother discussing this with him. If he had any respect for you he wouldn't have said this. Dump him and move on.

Gah, throw this idiot back

Either

a) he wants to end the relationship but hasn’t got the guts to dump you, so he’s treating you like shit in the hope you’ll end it and he can then act like you’re the bad guy

or

b) he gets a thrill out of seeing much he can humiliate you and is enjoying ruining your self-esteem while you keep coming back for more.

Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s as plain as the nose on your face that he’s doing this on purpose to hurt you. He doesn’t love you, or even like you very much. He probably laughs with his mates about you.

How often do you actually see each other in person? Does he consider himself to be in a relationship?

You're both still married, why not enjoy being free of men and build your new life of peace and bliss, then only choose to date if a man can demonstrate he will hugely enhance your life?
Does this long distance boyfriend make your life better and fun? If not, just delete his number.

You asked him a question and he answered. Obviously not the answer you wanted to hear but why on earth would you ask a partner if they pulled on a night out? You said you ‘jokingly’ asked….. did he respond by joking back with you? If he wasn’t joking then he’s shown what he thinks of your relationship

Look if his friends weren’t there he would have kissed her. That’s the bottom line.

Just tell him you have different ideas on what a relationship looks like and dump him.

"I think she would have kissed me had I let her but I thought better of it as my mates were there. Didn't even get her number''

He should have thought better of it because he was in a relationship, not just because his friends were there.

I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous.
"I think she would have kissed me had I let her but I thought better of it as my mates were there. Didn't even get her number''
Is that the sort of thing he thinks is ok to do in a relationship?? It definitely shows that he was thinking about it and had the intention.

I don't think he was joking if he seemed pissed off at you for being upset. If he had been he could immediately have said something like "don't be silly, I was just joking!"

This. He is boasting to you about how he nearly pulled, as if he wants to win brownie points both for being so attractive to a hot stranger and for being so loyal and strong minded that nothing happened. He's treating you like a mate who he is dying to share this ego boost with.

I'd move on quickly from someone like this.

Well he told you exactly how he feels about you and your relationship.

It's not the dancing as such, I go out a lot and end up dancing with loads of random people, including men; it's the mentioning kissing, and getting a number. That is awful.

Are you sure he's aware you're in an exclusive relationship? You're not in one of these "situationships" or "friends with benefits" things?

Because his messages to you sound like how you'd message a mate after a night out, not a girlfriend.

Life's too short for this. Find another.

I'd ask your self, why you asked the question?

Talk to him. You can ruminate over the wording but you won't know.

I read it as :You jokingly asked if he pulled. He jokingly told you he could have but didn't.

You are not in any sort of respectful relationship if that is how he feels and behaves.
I certainly wouldn't consider myself in a relationship after such a conversation.
Let him off, you are wasting your time.