Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

I think you would be much better finding somewhere with no room charge, decorate yourself and that does a set meal/ afternoon tea at a reasonable price and pay for that.

Paying for drinks can get easily get out of hand. There is always some cheeky fucker that abuses it.

Going to pub / restaurant i would expect to pay for myself.
Going to a private event I wouldn't expect to pay for myself
Either way £50 is a lot for lunch per person

At home but with a caterer?

You can’t ask it’s just crass and akin to those awful poems when people ask for money at their weddings.

As it’s such a difficult date according to you then I assume of the 40 invited maybe a decent % won’t attend as such a difficult date.

Plus it won’t be a cosy lunch. We attended an awards lunch ceremony recently, we likened it to a wedding reception. We had a laugh with half the table and the others especially one person were people I’m happy to not see again. How’s the table plan going to work. I have some very long-standing friends who have never met as scattered around with some in other countries.

A mooch about buffet is much better so you do not get trapped next to someone it’s tiresome to sit with.

What on earth is this mysterious "shit date" that falls on a saturday not in the run up for christmas or valentines day?

It is as annoying as the secret/outing hobby which is always cycling

what makes this day so shit? seems relevant as you keep mentioning it?

You’ve got quite a healthy budget if you limit numbers and see if the hotel can work with you as one option. You say it’s a difficult date, does that mean they’ll struggle to get anyone else to fill it, so you can see if they can come up with a cheaper option?

Or, with that budget get a caterer and cleaner in at home?

Hope you manage to source something you’ll enjoy.

Blimey @Okiedokie123 I'm moving to your neck of the woods. It's £23 for a sunday roast in my local - no puddings, no drinks just a plate of roast dinner. I agree £50 is on the steeper side but nowadays I usually reckon on main, dessert & a glass of wine plus service coming in at £35-40.

Agree that "we're going to X pub for lunch if you can join us " most people would expect to pay and maybe appreciate some wine on the table. Whereas "I've booked a private room with £50 set menu" I'm looking forward to you paying and might expect to buy my own drinks.

Yes we do that, but usually lunch. But that's different from what the OP says but a good alternative.

No. Terrible idea.

Hire a room in a nice hotel that's near the majority of people you know will attend.
Pay for a buffet and a glass of bubbly.
They buy other drinks.
Ask everyone to bring photos of memorable times.
Have tables of 6 so people can move around and chat to lots of the guests rather than one huge table

It’s cheeky and I’d be really pissed off to be asked to do this, and I simply wouldn’t go.

Yet again - another full-grown adult who is so self-absorbed they want everyone else to make a huge fuss of their birthday, and this time you even want everyone else to fork out for it. Get over yourself.

Do what you can afford to do within your own means, without imposing on others to indulge your ego.

I dont think there would be anything wrong with asking if people wanted to join you for a lunch to celebrate your birthday - everyone paying their own. But everyome is self-funding, its best to offer flexibility so they can choose to skip a starter, etc, rather than a flat “per head” charge

You'd get more help if you just said the date op. You won't be the only person turning 50 that day, it isn't outing. Then people could advise based on the "awful day not running up to Xmas and not V Day where it's too cold to do anything and everything is closed". I'm a NYE baby, I do understand crap birthdays.

You need to reduce your guest list. You have a 1.5k budget so book tables in a nice restaurant you like and work out how many people you can feed. Do you really need to hire the whole room? Can you book just tables? Then a room for you and DH on the night. Book and early lunch and go for the walk afterwards or late and before.

Honestly 30 / 50 (I can't remember what you said, sorry) people sat for lunch is gonna be pretty hard to make sure you talk to everyone.

The other option is to break it down into groups. Invite the far away friends for a lunch when transport is better and the local friends on your actual day.

Goodness, no, no, no absolutely not but I see that you've taken previous advice onboard.

If an evening things doesn't work because of people's logistical barriers, how about a boozy brunch at a nice hotel?

Absolutely CFery!!!

Yeah no. I’m of the opinion that an event which someone has been invited to shouldn’t really cost them anything. (Obviously card/present aside)

Good idea. A set lunch paid by OP and a pay bar- no drinks bill at the end to be shared or argued over.

If you're going to do this, then be upfront with people about the cost. I wouldn't be happy paying the same as someone else when I've ordered a salad and they're eating steak. I'd rather pay exactly for what my meal actually costs. Why don't you book a restaurant and people pay for themselves? What about a room above a pub and you pay for the buffet and they get their own drinks? If you're asking for £50 per person then be prepared half of them won't come. Those that do come won't buy you a present.

Bit its my birthday!! I want it how i want it on the day just for once! stamps feet

Thats how this post came across to me

Awful to ask for £50!
I had a friend who did this once it was so weird to be invited to theirs and then asked for money.

Just invite a couple of guests and treat them.

However, given crap time of year obvious things like hosting a party at home/ in the garden or even an evening party aren't an option.

What? Why not?! We're going to a party in someone's home in a few weeks? I don't understand what you mean by you "obviously can't host a party at home or in the evening at this time of year"?!

Im sorry op but your post makes no sense to me. You can pay for service charge, booze , rooms and nonsense but not the lunch itself. Just arrange a lunch at a restaurant that you can afford and pay for the food because you clearly have a good budget if you can hire the room ata hotel pay for booze and ppls rooms. Very odd.

Or hire a hall / room ( that’s cheap these parts) ,buffet again with contributions and get some music going

40 isn’t going to be cosy any which way - it’s formal

edit 2 / asking people to a restaurant/pub that isn’t a private function , a pub with a menu starting at half the cost ( eg just a main ) then it would be ok to ask friends to pay

I celebrated my milestone birthday in a local restaurant. Everyone seemed genuinely surprised when we paid for everything. You know your family and friends better than people in MN. I think if they know you are making a significant contribution (which you would be) and they can afford it, I don’t think people will mind.

The very idea that it is now acceptable to ask questions like that is shocking. What's next? I can't even imagine. Cut your cloth accordingly.