Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

Woah hold on, you have a £1.5K budget! That's massive. I don't see what the issue is. If 20 people came that's £60 per head. There are tonnes of restaurants that would happily let you book it out for that and you could get a very nice meal and some wine for that.

Even if the full 40 people came that's still nearly £40 per head which is generous.

Do you just have very limited venue options? It doesn't have to be a binary choice between a fancy hotel and a village hall, there are tonnes of options in between.

Also it's odd to come from the angle of people pay for a lunch and you cover drinks. Drinks are the expensive thing. It's more typical for a host to cover food and then people can choose to spend as little or as much as they want on drinks.

A huge amount of restaurants will give you a private function room and a free buffet for X amount of guests, as they know they will get a lot of bar takings. Ignore the naysayers, it's a lovely generous idea, you just need to shop around and you don't need to ask your guests for money, they can show up and choose what they spend.

As they are good friends can you float some ideas passed them? See what they think is a good way to celebrate your birthday and if they’re willing to help meet the costs? I don’t see any reason for keeping your thoughts or ideas secret from them. If they’re all happy to pay then problem solved, if not then tailor it to your budget.

You don’t need to give up, put your £1000 towards a cozy pub lunch somewhere and guests pay the rest. I went to a 50th dinner in a pub, the host paid for two courses that we preordered and we paid for our own drinks. How about something like that?

Yes but that idea came from you - not the birthday girl who sounds commendably self-effacing and considerate!

The CF aspect would be to expect your guests to pay to fulfil your personal insta fantasy.

I think the mystery date is 27th December as it’s the day after Boxing Day so no one is in the mindset to celebrate anyone else’s birthday. I know two people with this birthday. One absolutely hates it and the other is a child so still has lots of fuss made over his birthday.
Back to the point, I don’t think I’d go to something where I had to pay £50. I go to lots of birthday dinners where we all pay for ourselves but I make sure I order what I can afford to pay for and £50 would be too much. I’d go with function room and buffet.

Ok @birthdayquandary I can hear that you want a nice venue, your friends, and nice food.

I have a January birthday which means no one ever wants to go out, but for my big one this year I had a party at a hotel with a band and buffet and about 60 guests, and I spent 2k and half of that was on the band. I live in an expensive town but I was able to tell the hotel my budget for their bit and they worked with it (gave me 50pc off the room hire for a start).

You said you have 1.5k, so approach some nice venues with your budget and tell them you want a nice lunch (buffet is cheaper) and a nice space and see what they come up with. If it's a quiet time of year they will prefer to have a discounted booking than no booking.

My party had a pay bar included, people were happy to pay for drinks, your friends probably will be too but you might be able to afford some wine as well. I think your budget is good, it's the room hire you need to barter on. And they will be able to shift on that, just be open with them about your budget.

I’ll be 50 in a few months. Can’t afford to host even a small party in a restaurant/hotel and pay for guests (or rather, I could but that would mean no holiday next year, and I’d rather have a holiday than a party), wouldn’t ask them to pay for themselves, so am going to have a summertime party at home instead.

I've a friend who never does anything big on her birthday as she's worried about the cost to other people, or they won't want to come etc etc. So one year we all got together and persuaded her too for her big birthday - and we really wanted to do something special. She hired a room, we all paid for our own drinks, she got some nibbles ordered (and some people ordered etc) and it was all lovely.

Invite people - they can say no.

People on here are weird about stuff like this - you can't have a birthday celebration unless you can pay for it all....real life isn't like that.

Why wont you say what date/ event it is?

You keep saying that it is a 'shitty day' but, I don't understand at all.

40 people won't be a cosy lunch, it will be more like a wedding reception.

I would either have a genuinely cosy lunch by having 12 people to a pub lunch or hire a room and lay on a buffet for 40.

But it's not really on to invite people and ask for £50. It happened to me once and all anyone coukd talk about at the party was being charged to go to someone's black tie 30th birthday party!

So then you have to pay to have it elsewhere. That how it works, not charge your mates.

Our local golf club does very cheap meals, super-friendly, and caters for around £15 per head. Maybe scout around and look at other options?

No, you can't afford this one unfortunately. It's a shame but most of us would be in the same position! Bit cheeky of your friend to put this idea in your head because I can see that you really like it.

The main thing that come from your post though is - Jeez you got a lot of friends! I'm very jealous. You must be lovely so people will appreciate whatever you can afford.

If it makes you feel any better @birthdayquandary this is my birthday:

Ides of March, day in the ancient Roman calendar that falls on March 15 and is associated with misfortune and doom. It became renowned as the date on which Roman dictator Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 bce and was further immortalized in the tragedy Julius Caesar by English dramatist William Shakespeare.

People can't be expected to pay to celebrate your birthday.
£50 for lunch? Not including drinks.
£50 Drinks
£50 gift
£30 travel
£100 hotel

That's nearly £300 quid!

What you actually want is people to clump together off their own backs and throw you a massive party at this spec. You mention you love cosy lunches - 40 people is not cosy.
You're being entitled and it's giving CF vibes.

I wouldn’t pay £50 to attend someone’s birthday tbh. I think if you can’t afford it then don’t do it. why can’t you just meet up in a pub somewhere for drinks and then people can order food (and pay for it) if they wish? Or pay for a venue where you can bring your own food, ask everyone to bring a plate of something?

I am going against the grain here but I'd prefer to pay for my own lunch but not buy a present. My SIL did a posh lunch for a landmark birthday but most people felt they should buy a present of equivalent value to the lunch.

The main thing is to be 100% clear if people are going to pay themselves. I agree that an informal pub meal would work better as it will be easier for people to choose how much they want to eat and or drink. I read an article the other week about pubs with lovely bedrooms so you can still go ahead with your plan for a meal plus night away: www.theguardian.com/travel/2025/oct/25/30-best-uk-pubs-for-autumn-escape-great-food-rooms-walks

Well it's actually statistically impossible 😂

That is expensive for a lunch. People would also have to pay travel cost and you are assuming some would stay overnight so more cost. You say others in your group that have chosen to do similar have paid all cost of meal. That is because that is the correct thing to do if you are inviting people to celebrate your birthday with you where you choose restaurant, day and time. I think most would decline your invitation. Just before Xmas is an expensive time of year.

As a PP suggested you could have an afternoon tea and pay for that for your guest.

Is there a nice pub that could give you a private/ roped off area. Nice lunch/ buffet. Can still be a lovely occasion.

Assuming your birthday is the week between Christmas and new year, it’s a hard week to have any sort of big celebration.

Well as the OP has established it's not Valentines Day - and it's at a time of year the weather is shit - then I'm going to guess it's either the 27th December or 3rd January. But neither of these are significant dates so not really sure what the actual issue is?!?!

Seriously, all this "lazy and cosy lunch" shit is just social media fuelled crap. What's a "cosy" lunch? And how can it be cosy if there are 30-40 people there?! And then saying people can stay over?! I thought you couldn't have an evening do because of travel logistics on this "significant date"?! And what is everyone going to do the rest of the day / evening after the long and cosy lunch?!

So random 😂Just have a party in a pub function room / village hall setup with some food and drinks.

Amazingly, not everyone is like your friends! And some people like expensive fancy cocktails, some prefer half a lager. Also, some people just cannot drink.

Presumably if you can afford to pay for rooms and towards food and drink, you could afford to pay for everyone to have a partially set lunch at a jolly Italian that does pizza. A bottle of wine between two on the table, pre-agreed with the restaurant starters/ bread/olives on the table to share; pizzas, a choice of two puddings or if you really want to keep costs down, no pudding but serve a birthday cake which will probably entail a “cutting” charge.

You could get a fixed price from the restaurant and your DH can just announce at the beginning that there’s wine and water on the table but other drinks can be bought at the bar. The staff can be informed in advance that theee are charged for at point of sale, not added to your bill. Everyone will know the deal because you can send an email outlining the plan and asking for allergy and dietary restrictions in advance.

This would go down a lot better than being charged £50 so you can have the lunch at a hotel. The atmosphere will probably be a lot more celebratory too.

I would say 'i'd like to do this for my birthday' no obligation to come. If people cant afford it they dont come. I regularly go our for meals for my friends birthdays and would never expect them to pay for. I go because i want to celebrate with them

My friends love drinking!