Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

Why are you making such a big fuss over your own birthday party as an adult, is it like 100th or something?

I don’t think people mean to pile on. Cost Of living is high and there always seems to be something to spend £50 on. It’s fine to want to celebrate your birthday but you need to pay the bulk of the cost or somewhere with a menu so people can choose themselves.

Going against the grain here- I have a milestone birthday coming up, and about half of my friendship group live the other side of the country. So even though I've paid to hire a venue and am putting some money behind the bar etc, people are having to pay to travel/stay in hotels etc. My friends are very happy to do this for me, as I would be for them!

You can suggest it, if people can't afford it they won't come. Put your £1.5k towards as much as you can and let people know what else they'll have to contribute, then they can decide.

A buffet in a nice function room (of a pub or restaurant) would work and help keep you in budget - then folk can get their own drinks from the bar, as long as you provide the soft drinks and maybe a welcome glass of fizz. £1.5k divided by 40 is £37.50 per head, for which you'll almost certainly be able to find somewhere nice. It won't be posh-country-house-nice, but definitely nicer than a freezing village hall!

I think it would be find if you were asking people to pay to join in with a specific thing - eg an afternoon tea where everyone pays for their own or if the lunch is a set menu - but I don't think you can just ask people to contribute towards general party costs.

I don’t think you can ask your friends to fork out £50 pp in the way you imagine, but on the other hand, could you not say, I am thinking of having a lunch to celebrate my birthday at x place, would anybody like to join us there, the drinks will be on us? Does it have to be a set menu?

I disagree - that's planting your flag deep inside CF territory and asking the citizens to pay all your expenses for the conquest.

Why feel sad and depressed on your birthday?

You’re alive and well on a planet that still has much beauty to offer.

Maybe speak to a counselor about your birthday issues?

No, sorry, that’s not good. If you can’t afford it, do somethine else or have a smaller party.

If the hotel lunch is £50 and you have £1.5k, can't you just pay for 30 people to eat there? And they can buy their own drinks or choose to drink jugs of water, so no obligation to spend money. If the hotel are charging some kind of fee on top of £50 per head then that is obscene and you can get a better deal by asking around. Most places are happy to throw together a package which is not advertised.

Some village halls are really beautiful inside but they are not the only venues for hire. Have a look around, there's a barn for hire not far from me it's stunning inside.

It’s a no from me too. If you’re holding a party/get together to celebrate your Birthday, I think you should only do something that you can afford to pay for. £50 is a lot for many or if they spend that, they’d probably prefer to be doing something of their choice. Could cause embarrassment and ill feeling as they make their excuses.

Well if it is 27th December, as many have suggested, one other problem could be that everyone will be a bit sated with big meals and celebrations. Also, they may already have shelled out loads for various Christmas meals in and out.

DH's birthday is 2nd January and he himself never wants to go out on his birthday or make a particular fuss as we have had so many festive days by then.
I do always make the effort to cook something nice and have sometimes had members of his family round. For special birthdays I have even had ages balloons and a cake (even though there is still Christmas cake left).

OP has said it's not Valentine's Day. Another day I know how hard it is to organise for. We got married on that day many years ago, and I know only to well how difficult and expensive it can be to get a table somewhere nice to celebrate one's anniversary.

To answer the question though, YABU to charge £50 a head, especially if many will also have to pay to travel and possibly stay over after that.

FWIW I'd be OK with this (obviously would want to clear it first). But another idea - my husband just had his 40th at a very nice pub near us, he paid for lots of pub bites (but again, a very nice pub, so these were really nice and delicious), he bought a few bottles of prosecco, and he put c. £200 behind the bar, whole thing was about £500 and people only 'had' to start paying for their own drinks just before 10pm.

food out is expensive now! I would put the feelers out and you can see who’d be willing to, as out of the 40 if there are people that don’t want to that’s fine! I think you’d definitely get a group of people willing to, I know I would for one of my friends! Sorry you’ve had such a flaming!

Hard no. Not a chance I would attend this and I’d be giving you a wide berth in the future

I think set menus aren’t very sociable anyway - you have to sit in the same place all meal and you’ll only really talk to the people just around you. Still think the answer is a nice buffet in pretty surroundings with flexible seating so people can mingle.

How would it work with you paying for up to 40 people’s drinks in a hotel, the bar bill could be crazy?

Right, ok, you can see where I got the £50 from.
Maybe take some of the good suggestions on board.

I couldn’t ask people to do this, however if a friend invited me to a restaurant for their birthday meal I would expect to pay for myself. And if it was a close friend then I would gladly go. But probably only if it was a 10-15 group party.

I think it's fine to ask. I wouldn't expect someone to pay for dozens of people to eat at a fancy restaurant. I'd always go out to eat with the expectation that I'm paying for myself anyway. If they can't afford it then they won't come.

I guess I'd be phrasing it as a dinner, rather than 'my birthday party' as there's more of an expectation that an actual party would be catered or open bar.

@TweedleTarmac she wants it to be £50 per head though.