Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

Is the awkward date quite far in advance? As otherwise a lot of this could be irrelevant. I know some people are suggesting over Christmas/New year in which case anywhere decent will be booked out already.

@birthdayquandary I see your 40 friends don’t actually know each other? I have disparate groups of friends too (not unusual) and when I had a big birthday last year and didn’t want to organise a party I did multiple things inc dinner with my family, cocktails with one group of pals (old work, drinkers); pub with another (local mums); and nice actually cosy lunch with my two best mates (that’s what we do). Would something like this work for you? I didn’t pay for any of those actually (obvs paid my own drinks) but I could have bought (say) a round of cocktails or lunch for all of us if I wanted to splash.

I see you are not prepared to say what the shitty date is where lots of places are closed, but bc it is a Saturday you can go out, and it’s not in the Christmas run-up or V Day? I presume 27 Dec or 3 Jan as noted, neither of which is such a terrible date. Anyway. I have a Jan birthday so I do sympathise but I suspect the date is not as terrible as you claim. As I say, I persuaded several groups of people to come out in early Jan and celebrate.

Christmas Day. Now that’s a tricky day for a birthday if you want to mark it with mates on the day.

All this and you still won't say the date so people can actually see why it's awkward? It's hardly outing. There are only 365/366 days in a year. Chances are several people on this thread will share the same birthday.

I like this one! 🤣
My birthday is at a time of year when no one wants to spend extra money so it’s usually ignored by everyone except close family!
My DH has organised 2 surprise parties for me - both the appropriate number of days after my birthday (eg 50 days after my 50th) and it was cheaper (he inadvertently let this slip) because the venue was quiet.

I would happily pay £25 for birthday lunch.

Another thought - if you’ve got disparate groups of friends, is it going to work doing something with them all joined up?

You know your friends. It might. But worth sense checking. Otherwise, a smaller guest list party might work better.

I would also consider whether it’s mor important to have the gathering on the actual day, or to have more of your loved ones able to attend. It sounds like regardless of what day it falls on, the date is always going to limit people.
I must confess I am perplexed as to why it’s so important to do something on the actual date - for me the day is spent with immediate family/husband etc, and gatherings with friends just on a suitable date nearby

If your budget is £1.5k and you think 25 people will come, I don’t see why you can’t pay for 25 people’s meals (that would come to £1250 and leave you with £250 left over to spend on your hotel room), and then I’m sure people wouldn’t mind paying for their own drinks and cut of the service charge. No one would expect you to pay for their hotel room but surely no one would be that fussed about staying over after a lunch.

Is there a reason you aren’t telling us what the day is? Why so cagey about it?

Well 20-25 people at £50 per head is £1,250 max. You sort the service charge (15% would be just under £200), everyone pay for their own drinks. Sorted.

so many cross posts.

@birthdayquandary one thing though - 40 people is not a 'cozy' lunch. The thing that comes across in your post is that you seem to be mixing two (or more) types of events. 20-25 you MIGHT get the sort of atmosphere you're talking about - does this make a difference with costs, rethinking the arrangements?

I agree. Book a nice hot buffet. People don’t expect mass catering for large parties to be A-MAZING, they just want it to be nice. That’s not the point of the occasion - it’s to get together, relax and mingle in a good atmosphere.

There is also the issue of driving after the night before for a lunch

Op are you talking about Boxing Day?
At which point people might not want another big sit down meal just after Christmas day.

You need to give details here as its making little sense.

But OP, I think you’re still in dreamland here. If you want 40 people, you’re not going to be sitting any near cosy log fires. Pubs etc will put you in a special‘function room’ and IME they’re soulless places and certainly not furnished with a roaring fire.

To get the vibe you clearly want, scale things down to 10/12 and pay for everyone yourself. They may still put you all on a long table in a dreary part of the pub though. For what you want you need to be in a small one-table group really.

No way.

See, I disagree with most of the posters here, and I would have no problem with that at all. In fact, I have been to something similar, a private dining experience for a friend's birthday and paid considerably more. I've also never been to a party with my friends where I haven't brought my own drinks or provided something towards the food. I think you know your friends and know what would be acceptable to them. And if they love you, I don't imagine they would have any problem with you explaining that you would love to get them all together for lunch on your birthday, and that you can cover the cost of the drinks if they don't mind paying for their own food.

For me this depends totally on what is normal in your friend group.

It's not something I would do, but I wouldn't automatically be outraged if I was asked to do it.

(Same with evening only invites to weddings - I wouldn't do it, but I now understand what people mean when they say: either go or not go but stop moaning.)

Just do what you can afford. Hire a room and do a buffet, or have it catered, it'd be a lot cheaper than what you describe here.

People won't come to a party they have to pay for. It's not fair to ask. £50 per person is a significant amount. Me and DP never pay that amount each when we go out for a meal, and would hate to have to do so for a party.

Maybe it's just me and my very large circle of friends, but I've never been to a birthday lunch or dinner that wasn't held in someone's home and not paid for it. IMO, this is completely different to a birthday party, where, as the host, you should definitely foot the bill for everyone.

Weird - do you you all just not celebrate if others aren't paying for it?

I'm am very much up for getting smashed in the day time and going to bed at a normal time.

Why not though? It doesn't have to be on your birthday. I'm celebrating my 50th for 12 months.