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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

558 replies

birthdayquandary · 28/10/2025 22:51

I'm trying to decide if this WBU... I've namechanged as it may be outing.

I have a big birthday coming up. It is at a crap/ difficult time of year which means historically I've very rarely celebrated on the day with friends. This coming birthday it happens to be on a Saturday and I'd like to celebrate it. However, given crap time of year obvious things like hosting a party at home/ in the garden or even an evening party aren't an option.

What I'd like to do is 'host' a big lunch (up to 40ish people) in a private room at a nice hotel that does great food. Then people who want to stay over can and those who don't have time to get home (my friends live in various locations, all within about an hour of where I'm hoping to have party). I love a big, cosy lunch with friends and this is how I'd love to celebrate my birthday. However, I can't afford to pay for the whole thing. It's looking like it'd be at least £50ph for food, plus drinks and possibly a 'room charge'. I can cover some of the cost, but not all of it. Would IBU to ask people to pay £50ph to cover their food, and then I cover the booze, service charge, room charge, etc?

The only friends who've hosted big meals like this for birthdays have been able to afford to pay for the whole thing. Everyone else I know who has held a party has done an evening thing at home or out in a bar (where they either have or haven't covered all or some of the cost). I can't host the lunch at home because I don't have enough space, and also don't want to be cooking or cleaning up on my birthday.

What do you think? Is it gauche (or plain cheeky) to ask people to stump up £50 (or thereabouts)? I think it probably is, but given the particularly crap date of my birthday a lunch thing is really the only option...

OP posts:
Blappengrap · 28/10/2025 22:58

That sounds a lot of money for lunch, I wouldn't want to pay it.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 28/10/2025 22:58

I’m here for all the threads from your friends, asking if you’re a CF for asking for $50 to attend your party.

Sorry, OP, it’s a no from me.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 28/10/2025 22:57

A lot of people haven't got £50 to spare to celebrate your existence.

CarmelaBrunella · 28/10/2025 22:57

You can't charge people to come to your birthday lunch.
Plus, why would people need to stay over after a lunch?

KnightandDay · 28/10/2025 22:57

No, I don't think you can ask people to do that.
Cut your cloth...

Ashersmom · 28/10/2025 22:55

You can't make guests pay for your party. That's close to CF territory.

alcoholicsupport · 28/10/2025 22:55

I wouldn’t. I would just do what you can afford. Could you have a smaller dinner with your best friends or immediate family? Then drinks with a larger crowd?

shellyleppard · 28/10/2025 22:53

I think its a bit cheeky asking people to pay.