Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

If my friend said 'Im having a party with 40 people, but it will be £50 but i will buy the wine, then you can stay over in a hotel that you have to pay for then have breakfast you have to pay for too but after we will go for a lovely long walk'

The answer would be 'No thanks'

Sounds like more of a wedding kinda plan not a mates birthday

I definitely think you should have a party, OP. But I think the hotel with its £50-per-head meals plus drinks and a room charge is too expensive. I mean, you'd get away with providing a buffet, water jugs and a couple of glasses of wine each, then having a cash bar, but I'm not convinced that doing it the other way round would work well.

I went to a wedding ceremony which was held in a grand, beautiful house. Then (because the only catering packages allowed at the house cost ££££), we had to go to a conference centre for the reception. I admit that the contrast was stark at first, but the room had at least been decorated, the food was nice and everyone seemed to have a great time chatting and dancing. The people made the party and pillars, cornicing and rose bushes turned out to be irrelevant.

No sorry that’s not a guest invite. If you want everyone to join tell everyone your plans (where you’re eating) and suggest anyone who wants to join checks out the menu and books on…. Be great if you fancy type thing

I’m assuming the hosts knows her guests well enough to know they like to drink.

For my 50th I had 3 non drinkers, one dosnt drink at all and the other 2 were sober drivers. I paid for venue, food and DJ that was by far the cheapest option, only a small contingent of my family could make it, buying them 1 round of drinks was almost the same cost of the venue, food and DJ together. I knew non of them would eat at the party, they never do which is why I made sure I bought them all a drink when they arrived. As the host I knew my guest list.

Nobody's "incensed" pet - although you do sound a bit ragey at times. And that super dramatic self pitying update about a "pile on" does make you sound like you're vying for martyrdom again 😅

You got your answer, glad you've decided to have the party you can afford, always the best solution really.

If you're too triggered by people writing words in response to your question, just ask mumsnet to remove the thread.

They aren't guests if they have to pay. It's cheeky. Just have a party in the house or pay for a few friends to eat in a pub.

I wouldn’t do this, you have to do what you can afford. It’s different to booking a table in a restaurant and people paying for their own meal.

If you can't afford to fund it, then don't have it. I'd never expect friends to pay at a celebration I'd organised for me!

If you’re hosting you pay. J

If you’re hosting you pay. J

Thinking about this more, OP - it did occur to me that I’ve never paid anywhere near £50 for a meal. Some on here may scoff, but it’s true - not everyone is wealthy or able to afford smart restaurants.

So I think you need to take several of the factors out of the equation: you could drastically reduce your numbers and pay for guests, or choose a much cheaper place and invite people to join you for an informal get-together.

And just keep it local - that will help cut down the guest list and remove the need for expensive overnight stays.

@lechatnoir We each had a main meal plate of food that cost about £13-15 each. Plus free deserts because it a deal they do one each per week. £12-15 is about standard for that sort of meal around here to be fair. A roast with all the trimmings would definitely cost more!

Oh OP you know you can’t! Hey f&f , I want a party but I can’t afford it so you can all pay for it. Er nope!

Are you related to Donald Trump by any chance??

It's a no from me. If you can't afford it don't do it.

Hi OP sorry I have to agree I wouldn't be happy to ask people to pay this however I often go to birthday lunch with a group of friends and we all just pay for our own. It's not a set thing agreed with the host. It's more of a going for lunch to celebrate a birthday and welcome to join us type invite.

Another friend did host an afternoon tea for her special birthday at a nice hotel. She paid the afternoon tea for the 6 of us at probably around £30 a head and then we bought any drinks we wanted over and above the included tea/coffee. We all took a gift. Could you do something along those lines as a compromise? Enjoy your birthday 🎈

I had a birthday lunch for 12 for my 50th 3 years ago. I chose a local restaurant and everyone ordered their starter and main in advance and everyone paid for their own food at the end. I knew that not all my friends could afford to join me so I was grateful to those who did as I could not afford to pay for everyone. I did a few lunch/brunch/coffee dates with others. Something for everyone and it made my birthday celebrations last all week

Also, just to add I have two friends with birthdays 21st Dec and 3rd Jan. They host their party in the last weekend of June every year. They have done this for about 10 years at this point, even on zoom through Covid, and most of their friends think this is their actual birthday. Could you consider this? If your birthday is another significant date, it might be most people forget when it is anyway. Choose a date that suits!

No No No

I wouldn’t pay £50 to attend anyone’s birthday in this way. Under a difference scenario, I might host and pay for my meal and a portion of the birthday person’s, but not like this.

I imagine you also run the risk of having to confirm numbers with the venue, then having no-shows (especially in flu season) and having to cover the cost yourself. I wouldn’t do it.

I have to say 25th is a rubbish day for a birthday.
24th is also a rubbish day, everyone is too busy..
26th everyone is knackered but many would will make some effort, for a special birthday.

No absolutely not

No, sorry, that's a complete non-starter.

Would you travel 1.5 hours (some of your friends) there and then back, and pay 50 quid per head (so a 100 if a couple) to attend a lunch? And more, if they want drinks? And then trek home? No evening out, no drinks, no fun, just sit, chat and eat for an hour?

That would be a no for me, absolutely not. Not for my bestie, not for my parents, for my child or for myself. It's either you properly celebrate it in my world, so in the evening, music, drinks, dancing OR not, and just go for a quick, casual lunch with a couple of friends/partner. Which I'd never pay 50 quid for.

It would be a waste of a lot of effort and quite a lot of money for not much reward, what you're proposing. Sorry.

My sibling's birthday is 25/12. He's an adult, so either he doesn't celebrate it at all, of gets congrats from people he's spending Christmas with (family usually).

Just adding for a laugh as I posted up thread I've just been asked to include someone's daughter I haven't seen for four years! I'm paying in December for a 60th lunch party and this popped up today. I'm shocked to be honest. CF.