Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

I was going to say the same as one or two posters have mentioned, why not have two separate night or day meals out to both accommodate people who live locally, and then you and your DH could also travel to the Town or City where others live to celebrate your birthday?
A pp also said that you won't get the chance to talk to everyone if you've got too many people attending one night, so to divide your celebrations in two is way more logical.

There's no need to spend 1.5k on everyone for your birthday, just say to people that you and DH are going to be having a meal in a pub for your birthday locally, and if anyone wants to join you they're welcome, and you'll put maybe some wine on the table.
You and DH could then book a night in the hotel near your other friends and family,, with the same words, saying people are welcome to join you for a meal, but that it's not a party as such. This way you're not putting pressure on people to go out, and your not having to splash out a ridiculous amount of money just because you've got another year older,

I don't mean to sound blunt, but realistically, no one will care except you that it's your big birthday, and surely you'd prefer people to celebrate with you because they're happy to stump up for their own meal, rather than only going because you're paying them to.

I think it's cheeky (and unfair) asking people to pay but I'd be happy to contribute in other ways. How about a dinner where everybody pitches in and brings a dish, or a winter picnic or barbecue?

I would choose a cheaper lunch option, what about a nice pub, just tell people you are meeting at the pub, it will be nice to see everyone, get a few sharing platters for the food, but everyone buys their own drinks? 50 per head is expensive before xmas for people. At least with a pub they can come for one drink or ten depending on their budget. And can order extra food if they want to themselves. And you won't have the worry of a possible £1000 bar bill!

People would have to pay travel and if stop over too the hotel so will add on. Could you ask a pub if could have a section of it and people got option to eat or just drink. You could give vouchers out for one free drink or ask the pub to provide nibbles or chips etc.

If you want a specific thing and cant afford it without people sending you money then you cant afford it, end of. So you cant do it and you need to accept that.

However if it would be "Hi all, I will be at X place on Y date for my birthday, so if any of you would like to join me then that would be wonderful! Unfortunately I can't cover everyones meals (cost of living haha!) but if you would like me to reserve a table for you then let me know by Z date xx" then thats fine.

I'd have to decline the invitation if this was from a friend of mine im afraid, I've not ever attended a party that wasn't paid for by the host.

At my 60th, I asked my 20 guests to contribute £20 for the birthday lunch on a Saturday, including soft drinks. I hadn't had a social birthday for 20years.

My friends were wonderful, I even got two birthday cakes, lots of flowers and amazingly quite a few gifts.

To be fair, we had Vietnamese, so lots of sharing dishes. But, the food was absolutely excellent. The owner also gave me flowers.

I’m thinking NY Eve or NY day. But no, you can’t invite people to a party and ask them to pay 50 (or indeed anything) for their food, or any part of the party. Just do what you can afford, which might have to be a nice dinner snd hotel night with your DH?

Well yes, and if you don’t like the restaurant that is proposed, you don’t have to go. Depends whether you value spending an evening with friends or what you eat.

Could you have two smaller events? One where you live and one in the place an hour away. That way you spread the celebration out and people will expect to pay for their own lunches if you phrase it right. You can have two weekends away.

Do you live near a river or a canal? Hiring a boat for this type of thing, with catering and a dj, is good value and would be cosy.

This is bizarre - why is the date a big mysterious secret when it's information that would give helpful context??

Unless you have a very specific group of friends charging them 50 quid to come to your birthday is ludicrous. And if you do have the specific group of friends who can drop half a hundo on a random birthday, you would generally be the sort of person who can also afford to do it and pay for the whole thing outright as one should when hosting a lavish party. People do these kinds of things because they have the money to do them not because they "deserve" to have an event in their honour

Even more strangely - why do you think (because of the cursed date) people won't possibly want to do an evening thing but they'll instead be happy writing off the whole day and staying in a hotel? That's the sort of thing people do for long distance weddings for their nearest and dearest not a birthday they're having to pay to attend?

I find this whole thing very strange and suspect you will find yourself sorely disappointed as you seem to be holding extremely naive expectations

I just can't afford to eat out like this for fun for ME, never mind for a friend's birthday, so it would have to be a no from me.

I can't think of the date you're birthday is on, but if it is truly a date when people are prioritising their family (en.g Xmas and possibly New Year). I personally would organise myself a spring or summer bash to celebrate my 40th year here. Much more of this is on your control, options for home / garden party, other locations which might need a bit of party decorating etc.

40 people at a sit down lunch would surely be a bit rubbish anyway as for most of the time you’ll only get to talk to the people immediately around you. It would be closer to a wedding breakfast experience. I might be alone in this but I often think these can be quite dull as you’re forced to sit in one chair for all that time when you just want to be on your feet catching up with people.

For my husband’s last big birthday I threw a daytime party for him and we had people travelling from all over the UK. I hired the a function room in a nice country pub (‘function room’ may sound a bit naff but it really wasn’t, it was a lovely space) and did a buffet there. Started maybe 2pm. It was the absolute best day - everyone was milling around chatting with each other and there was a great atmosphere. It was a fraction of the cost of a sit down meal and so much more enjoyable.

I think you just need to tweak your vision, not throw it out entirely.

Been thinking about doing similar due to a birthday in the dead of winter. Does your sister usually do it the summer before or after?

Its is a bit cheeky.As a host you should be offering your guest hospitality
For £50 pp a meal in a hotel isn't going to be anything special and drinks are going to be extortionate.
Have you considered hiring a room at say a sports club? You could get caterers in,Indian food is usually very affordable, and let your guests buy their own drinks. Perhaps organise a few fun activities/ games etc.

So you have a meal with local friends on your birthday and arrange a night out in the city with a meal or other celebration another night where you and your DH get a night in a hotel. It’s really not that hard.

I had shit birthdays as a child, friends never remembered as it was always school holidays, weather crap, I was always sick, parents were shit, even as an adult nothing much has changed except now it’s my kids school holidays and the whole house is sick. I don’t martyr myself though, I make plans to celebrate on different days/evenings, most of the time people are skint, tired or sick but that’s fine, I say I’m doing this if you can make it great, if not I will enjoy myself anyway.

All my children also have birthdays during school holidays, they celebrate and have parties with friends during term time and usually same with family, it’s arranged when the majority are not away. I don’t think any celebration has ever actually fallen on an actual birthday. As long as they are celebrated and happy it dosnt matter what day it’s done on.

It's cheeky and to be honest I wouldn't pay £50 pp for a meal anyway it's much too expensive.

I've been to functions (not at the hosts home) where I've been asked if I'd be happy to make a contribution to top up what they could afford and happily paid an amount of my choice. I was asked well in advance so no surprise on the day. I think they canvassed a few people to gauge feelings and enough people said they'd be happy to pay a contribution. No set amount was specified though. It meant hosts could provide extra food and drink . It was a lovely party. I've no idea who paid or how much.

I wouldn't do it for everyone, depends on the friendship, financials, whether they're being CF or genuine.

If hosts can afford a good party but are too tight to pay, then I would decline the invitation.

Oh I see.

Because she crapped on about wanting it to be on "the day" "for once", like she was a sainted martyr for not having it on the day every year, and that irritated me.

Yes, I agree, that's quite different.

I really think you’re overthinking the “other people distance logistics” thing. I would put your money towards a v good buffet in a pub function room, basically somewhere where people can buy their own drinks. Invite people to the lunch. They can choose to come and stay if they want, or just drive for an hour or so, lunch with you and one of them drive back while the other has had a drink. We all went to a friends 25th wedding anniversary in similar circumstances recently. It was great. Everyone in the room all together chatting and eating for several hours.

In a restaurant, I chose what I eat and how much I spend. That makes it quite different, to me.