Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

With your updates i dont think doing anything else will make you happy.

You cant afford to host 40 people so best just to leave it

Inviting people and then expecting them to pay is the height of rudeness.

Pay or don't invite.

Its not a 'cosy' lunch for 40 people

£50 for a lunch is madness !

You've done the sums and you can't afford it, so you need to scale back on numbers. £50 is a lot for many people and it puts people who can't afford it in an awkward position.

are you sure the 40 ppl you're thinking of inviting will even show up. Are they all really close friends? Can't you pick your top 10 +1 which is half the numbers and more affordable.

dont be one of those people who has grandiose ideas of their event but make their guests have to fund it!

No. Arrange only what you can afford.

If you are feeling this way because others did it, just brush off this need to keep up with the Joneses.

I don’t know anyone who would willingly pay to attend someone’s birthday party so no, k don’t think you can ask.

I don’t understand why any time of year is bad for a small gathering at home, or why you need 40 people to attend. Maybe scale back and invite a handful you can afford to feed.

If it’s 27th December, one of my old school friends had this birthday and never used to have a problem celebrating it. People often love a catch up with friends between Christmas and New Year. In fact some of the best parties I’ve been to have been that time of year.

I would do something less formal though, room in a pub, hot buffet, you could do it about 4pm so those that have to travel can do so with plenty of time to get home.

Many years ago (1960s) I organised a meal out with work colleagues to celebrate my 17th birthday and success in first professional exam. There were 8 of us and I explained that I could not afford to pay for everything but would cover the wine/drinks bill. I had got a menu so the range of prices was available. Everyone was ok with that as they knew I was a young girl in my first job.

I would not feel comfortable doing that nowadays because people would take the view that if you host then you pay. So I would confine the birthday to very close friends and family and cover the bill myself. Alternately you can explain to friends/family about your budget and see how they feel about making a contriution.

Personally I would not pay £50 to attend someones party.

its ur birthday and if u want a party you should pay for it.

Birthday partys are for kids anyway

I'd say it's right in CF territory.

No - not cool.

I feel differently to most - I went to various celebrations like this when we turned 30. The host would cover drinks and there would be a set menu with a fixed cost so there was predictably and we all knew up front what it was going to cost.

if people don’t want to go they don’t and that’s totally fine!

As your friends have had parties at their homes, would one of them be willing to lend their home for your local party then your would cover a nice lunch. The perhaps have a restaurant lunch in the city with others.

People are unlikely to come along. It's the principle of the idea too. Yes, I like a lovely big lunch with friends. But I wouldn't present it as my birthday lunch!

If you've all gone out before, just say you plan to book a table at x. How many people really? More than 10 isn't an intimate lunch and do they all know each other? Obviously you'll pay for yourself.

If you never do this, then it's not always a fun chatty lunch. People have chores, kids to arrange and run about, I wouldn't pay £50 either. For that, I want to have a say in the venue, who is going and menu.

Just shove all your furniture against the walls, and hold an evening drinks from 6-8 , with canapés. You'd be amazed how many people you can squash in:)

I don't see why you can't hire a room for the afternoon and pay for a buffet rather than an expensive lunch.

Its beyond rude to ask others to have to pay £50 for attending your birthday brunch. And 40 people?

why don't you cut numbers down to just your closest friends and invite them (about 10 people). There won't be a room charge if you just book the table and there is no way a brunch is £50. You will be able to do it for about half of that and the show shebang would be a lot more affordable.

What about a breakfast? You could have a big breakfast in a hotel at about 11am on the morning of your birthday for that many people, that would be absolute lovely.

you could finish up by 1pm and then go for your walk or whatever you want to do. Stay in the hotel the night before and night after.

I would definitely go to a birthday breakfast. It’s something different and you still get to see everyone. It would also be way cheaper!

I'm struggling with a meal with 40 people being cosy. 40 people would be the polar opposite of cosy to me.

Sorry no I wouldn’t go this. The only thing I’ve done that is similar is pay towards a massive air B&B (20 people) and everyone bought a buffet dish for a relatives big birthday.
My friends have had big parties at hired venues. I can’t afford that so I haven’t.

Going against the grain here but so long as you make it clear on the invitatioms what the costs are I don’t see an issue. Assuming your friend group in the main can afford that sort of cost (plus a possible overnight stay) then I would just see what the uptake is. I’m getting a twixtmas/ New Year’s Day vibe from your cryptic clues and many people would be glad of an opportunity to get together with friends at this time of yea if finances allow . As the mumsnet saying goes, it’s an invitation not a summons so those who would see it as CFness won’t attend and you may have a wonderful celebration with those who are up for it. I’m finding as I get older that I cherish the increasingly rare big celebrations that used to be more commonplace and therefore I took for granted in my 20s abd 30s. Just go for it!

I wouldn't mind paying it if a friend was doing that, OP. But I'd probably just do what I can afford myself, a smaller event I can pay for, a dinner or gathering at home with catering, hire the village hall and have catering but a paying bar, several smaller drinks or dinner with friends where everyone pays for themselves.

You can always ask your friends to see how they'll feel about paying. Are they well off? There's nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate your birthday. Could you choose a cheaper hotel? £50 is a lot for dinner. You may just need to save up and pay for them if you really want a party. But it may be well worth it if that's what you really want.

Where I’m from it’s normal to go out for a meal for your birthday and everyone pays for themselves. Sometimes the group even pay for the birthday person!

My family regularly do birthday or anniversary meals where you buy your own. I loathe it. We have to go as we're local & it would be frowned upon to not go, but we have 2 DC & it's an expensive exercise.

I think if you have a party, just have what you can afford, even cocktails & nibbles. I said no to the huge reception style 40th DH wanted as it would cost almost as much as a holiday. I wanted the holiday....

They'd probably want to go out for lunch even less if they're recovering from the previous night.

Great for people who love drinking . Hardly fair on those who don't. Wouldn't it have been better for you to pay for the food (which they didn't have a choice over) and let guests buy their own drinks?