Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

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So does the host send an invoice or do you settle up on the day? What if one friend's is much more expensive? Say, your event is £25 per head and hers is £40?
I would think that planning and hosting a party that you were going to charge for could get awkward..

The summer after. When it was her 50th she had a party in the grounds of a big house, it was cheaper than hiring the house, but it was fantastic! The weather was beautiful, the gardens were lovely, amd caterers put on a buffet.

Where I'm from it's always the norm to pay for yourselves, this takes the pressure off people feeling obliged to return the favour and shell out a fortune every year to host and pay for a party or get together on their own birthdays.

Op, I’ve just turned 50, and trying to plan something became such a headache I decided instead to do lots of small things with close groups of friends and family.

I too wanted to do a lazy lunch and numbers (with plus ones) were in the forties. I strongly felt that I should have to foot the bill for the food and some wine at least, and it was looking like £30+ a head, going with a set menu at our local (nice) pub.

I decided I couldn’t afford it, so abandoned the idea. I considered (briefly) asking people to contribute but felt it was too cheeky; the location and company were my choices, rather like a wedding, and people, especially those coming from a distance, would probably resent having to pay for my choices. As a couple, the price would immediately double.

We have been to numerous big birthdays over the years at smart hotels and restaurants and the host has always paid the bill. I am not as wealthy as many of my friends, so I realised quite quickly that much as I would like it, I simply cannot afford it.

I don’t however think it unreasonable to suggest a small birthday meal at a restaurant, with an established group of friends that are in the habit of eating out and paying for themselves, to pay for themselves.

I think this too. Sorry op! X

Honestly, asking friends to pay £50 each for your birthday lunch feels a bit much 🙂. Birthdays are supposed to be about celebrating with the people you care about, not turning it into a mini fundraiser. Maybe a smaller get-together or a casual spot where you can cover most of it would keep the vibe fun without anyone feeling awkward, you’ll all enjoy it more that way! 🎉

If you can afford £1.5k for 50 people that’s £30 a head. Can’t you find somewhere else to host a lunch for that?

I would have no issue paying for my own lunch - if it was a reasonable cost.

I'm afraid I don't think £50 is reasonable for a friend's birthday lunch though, sorry. I would think twice about paying that for my own birthday dinner!

Can you just hire an area in a local pub? Everyone pays for their pub lunch and then you could put what you can afford behind the bar for afternoon drinks?

also how can your birthday never fall on a Saturday? Doesn’t that happen every 7 years.

if it’s such an awful and tricky date, surely other people won’t want to do anything on this date either?

If its more important to you who is there don't go with the nice hotel if you cant afford to pay it all. A friends partner organised similar the rough cost was £50 a head without drinks. I declined but heard attendees were asked for £100 on the night because they bought champagne, wine etc and it was only a small group to share the costs.

I had a pub function room for my recent big birthday. Its what I could afford to make sure everyone I wanted to come did.

£1.5k is a good budget.

Is alcohol the issue? If you’re not providing much booze then you don’t need to have it in a hotel as people can make their own travel arrangements. Pick a mid price restaurant with a dining room. Limit it to 25 people and you’ve got a budget of £60 per head.

Offer one glass of fizz per person. Say on the invite that alcohol is not included. Give people a short deadline to RSVP so you can invite more people when you get nos.

I’ve done this and it worked great - plus everyone was basically sober which I prefer.

One of the best events I’ve been to was in a village hall. All the guests were asked to bring a dish to contribute to a buffet. There was no list so I thought it could be death by a million sausage rolls, but it was actually very varied and delicious. There was a band (which you could pay for?) and a bar run by a local pub I think which charged very reasonable prices. Everyone had a great time and the couple didn’t shell out a fortune they didn’t have. Hope you can enjoy your birthday x

£50 is a lot. Maybe £15 I wouldn't mind so much but £50 is too much.
When I hosted my birthday I paid for everything

Shorten the guest list and do it at home. This is giving destination wedding vibes when neither the bride and groom have any connection to the destination. A 2 grand plus birthday is fine, if you could afford it but you can’t.

If having such an extravagant do is import to you, why haven’t you prioritised it by saving up up for it?

My wider family has just started doing celebrations together as a big group. It started with one couple, who can well afford to cover to pay. Most had to pay for a hotel as we are dotted around the country. However they didn’t pay towards anything at all. We were a bit surprised and it felt a little bit of a social faux pas mainly because we thought they’d contribute to something eg the drinks. However they’re partners to independent adults and I wonder if it was agreed with their kids as it’s actually worked in everyone’s favour. We all know where everyone stands and the younger generation have also been able to start to organise their own parties and invite everyone without fear that they cannot afford to pay for it.

I would say be upfront. Invite who you want and say you’d like to know who can make it so that you can book numbers with the venue. Be clear that although you’d love to be able to afford to pay for everything, you can’t. And say you have a healthy budget to cover drinks. Don’t talk about the hotel cost. You said an hour away. Maybe try to choose something a little closer but if you still want that venue, an hour’s drive is achievable especially if you do an earlier start as you’re suggesting (or maybe early evening is better?) and those, who stay can hang with you for the rest of the evening.

Hang on, when we go for lunch or dinner for a friends birthday we all pay for ourselves plus extra to cover the birthday girl or boy, sk they dont have to pay. Isn't that normal?

OP, My friends birthday is 3 days after Christmas and every year we go for dinner in the same Chinese restaurant in town for it as tradition. So you can really do anything at any time of year, I dont believe there is a "bad" time of the year.

what is 'CF territory'

This is a nice fantasy but impractical. I wouldn’t expend that much time and effort on my own birthday let alone anyone else’s. Taking a train 1.5 hours each way from the city to a rural area and then finding a taxi to get to a lunch?

Why so cryptic about the date? I am hard pressed to think of how a day out of each year is so “shit” that it has upset you all your life. Most adults don’t get (or need) a big fuss no matter when their birthday falls.

Maybe the issue to address is why your own birthday depresses you so much. It seems to be a pattern, reading through all of your posts. Nothing seems to live up to your expectations.

why don’t you have brunch with your rural group, then train to the city for dinner with your city friends?

Could you invite a smaller group to your house and get caterers in?

It’s not just the cost of the lunch, it’s the timing. It basically sucks up the entire precious Saturday. Whereas an evening party allows people to get their weekend stuff done before attending.

If your budget is £1500 you’re not far off, why not speak to the hotel and see what they can do for that price? As a guest I wouldn’t expect all drinks to be paid for. Maybe a cheaper brunch/lunch menu or an afternoon tea instead?

That makes my toes curl with horror.

I would decline the invitation based on the expected outlay - meal, drinks, gift, transport, and disrance - can't drink alcohol unless staying over. Also the number of people being invited makes the event sound impersonal and chaotic. I'd happily take a friend out for drinks or go for a light lunch locally to celebrate a birthday. No need for the big event just because you've reached a round number.

If I have been out for a birthday meal then we have always paid & so in my world that is just the norm. The only time it’s been hosted is if it is a pub buffet type of thing. I think £50pp is a lot though. So you probably need to find a cheaper option if you want people to pay. Why are the hotel charging room hire if you’re already paying for food & drinks? I doubt that they will fill this slot if it’s a wedding venue type place & the date is awkward. So maybe ask them to come up with a more affordable menu. A pub would be better & they would do something more reasonable I think. I think people would prefer to mingle than sit at a table in a hotel. You could then cover cost of food easily with £1500.