Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

No, for the sort of event you’re describing you can’t ask people to pay. You could if it was much less formal eg “I’m celebrating my birthday at the Dog & Duck on Saturday- would be lovely to see you!” Rather than a sit down meal.

Maybe invite fewer people?

I'm really not getting all the comments on here. In my circle (both family and friends), it's perfectly normal to pay for your own meal if you go out for someone's birthday or anniversary. No one I know would even give it a second thought. We'd usually buy everyone their first drink or some wine for the table or something like that. Obviously, from reading all the comments on here, that's not the norm for many people though.

I think it's the private room that is changing the vibe for a lot of people and making it sound more like a party.

Say your birthday is on the 2nd January… host the party on the 2nd June… exactly 6 months later and much more likely to have sunnier weather, could rent a hall with space, bbq etc. Just an idea? :)

Yes, this is what will happen.

Birthday bash = host arranges and pays for event.

I am sure the guests will bring you gifts but yeah.

She wants to host an expensive event for her birthday.
She's asking people to pay for her event.
I don't think you plan something, invite people, then charge them. It's very presumptuous.

No - you can’t afford to entertain in this way so don’t do it. I earn a good salary but would decline an invitation like this.
We had a family member‘s big birthday recently and hosted a ‘nice’ buffet lunch with champagne and drinks at home for 30 people. All inside . The cost was around £800 for food drinks decorations tidying up the house and garden .

You have enough money to host a really lovely celebration. Everyone pitched in with the clean up so was fine. With your budget you could afford to have a catered buffet and even staff to serve/ clean up. Or the buffet in a pub that was suggested - also a great idea.

Alternatively have a small celebration now and a big party at home in the summer .

Book a local hall, ask people to bring a dish for a large pot luck and you bring all of the drinks - shouldn't set you back more than what £3-400 people or 8 of the places you were going to charge for. Put table clothes on tables and Voila!

Hum. I'm just organising my big birthday lunch and I'm paying. I'm doing a pub lunch with drinks and I think it will cost me around £50 a head as most will drive. Total number 12.
I do a family Christmas curry party so I'm not cooking on this one day. I'm wearing a party hat (tiara) and using my savings from not buying clothes due to being very ill and not working.
I once invited a CF friend to my pub lunch who drank two bottles of champagne and never bought anyone a drink. Obviously an ex friend.
I'd be happy to pay towards a friend's party but not many would. People buy gifts and two friends have offered to host at their homes but having been housebound I want to go out.

Yes - I think what OP is fantasising about is the equivalent really of inviting people to a wedding, what with expecting them to book accommodation as well. She’s inviting them to spend hundreds of pounds, presumably just after Christmas.

And even if she says ‘No presents’ most people will feel they should bring something since it’s a birthday.

I suspect many people would politely decline this invitation to make their credit card bills even more terrifying!

Lived in many countries , met many people from all walks of lives been to many many parties and never ever was asked to pay for anything . it’s common practice that the host pays for everything.
that’s why we are taught to always get a nice gift for the host.
the only place I read this is here .

If you don’t mind being the subject of complaints between your friends (but behind your back) then go ahead.

Rule should be only do what you can afford to host.

If people could stick to their own budget rather than £50 that might not be as bad. I’ve never spent £50 on myself for lunch and definitely wouldn’t with today’s col issues.

Think your idea is a complete non starter, the £50 is quite steep but I would pay that and so would my friends however not for somewhere that I would need to drive to. Could you not book tables in a pub? Maybe a cosy hotel with your husband on the day and a party later at a better time of year.

Same but it does tend to be a cheap buffet or somewhere people can order to their own budget. £50 would be $100 here which is in the fine dining range. Plus drinks would be a stretch for a lot of people.

It's not close to being a CF, it is being a CF.

I agree. OP I think you're getting the replies you have because of how you've worded it. You are not 'hosting' lunch or throwing a party. You are basically saying to your friends 'are you free to come for a meal on my birthday '. I've been to hundreds of birthday meals, lunches and dinners, where Ive paid for myself, especially when there has been a big group. I don't expect anyone to pay for my meal in those circumstances. I've been to restaurants where the host has paid but that situation is much less common. A birthday party however I would definitely expect food to be provided by the host. It's not really clear what sort of event youre planning. Are you just meeting for lunch in a pub or restaurant?

Your dream requires a champagne budget type of life. You have a lemonade budget. It all sounds lovely but I couldn't justify a return ticket on a train, a taxi and £50 for lunch for anyone, no matter how good a friend they were. To stay over, pay for breakfast, taxi to the station on a Sunday as well wouldn't ever be an option. Your birthday is very important to you. It's just a day to anyone else

Now you have lost my sympathy I’m afraid. You don’t want it at home because YOU will have to clear up, but you do want a big meal at an hotel because OTHER PEOPLE will pay. You’re coming across as a bit spoilt and entitled. Birthdays are just a day when all said & done

@birthdayquandary I am struck that you keep talking about a cosy lunch – to me that would be a max of about 12 people. If I had 40 people to a meal I would barely talk to most of them and that would surely be disappointing.

Also I cannot imagine why anyone would want to stay over after lunch? even if I had driven an hour to be there, I would just drive home. But then DD and I often travel longer than that for an evening at the theatre.

I would host what you can afford for the numbers you can afford. Have you looked into a catering company if you don't want to do the work? I assume this is 27 Dec (not sure why that's identifying) – while a Christmas birthday is a pain there are worse days IMHO. 2 Jan for example. Unless this is mega forward planning and your big day is 2 Jan 2027? In which case loads of time to save.

I see others have suggested similar – I love the Lebanese food delivery to home idea. Yes if you want loads of people, hire a nice room (doesn't have to be a village hall!) in a country pub and get them to put on a buffet. Cannot believe that would cost £1.5k.

I think it’s statistically unlikely that this is the first time it’s fallen on a Saturday in your entire life!

It’s not hosting if they have to pay. I’m sorry your birthday is on a rubbish date, one of my kids is awfully close to Christmas. But it’s a big ask financially for other people what you’re suggesting.

This, I'd be happy to pay for my own food at a birthday lunch/celebration, I think that is fairly normal if drinks are covered by the host.

I don’t understand these responses. I wouldn’t go out to lunch for someone’s birthday and expect THEM to pay!

I’ve been to birthday dinners / lunches loads of times where I’ve paid for myself!

Maybe you could buy a couple of bottles of something for the table?

A few years ago we had a 40th party for my DP at our house and we were aiming for low-stress, low-cost.

We ordered in Lebanese food from a local place that does amazing food. It’s great as that style of food naturally include vegetarian and vegan options. Plus all the food came in disposable tubs and they provided paper plates and napkins.

We had a bunch of booze already in the house, so just set out a booze table for people to help themselves.

on the invites we told people we would be providing food, wine and spirits but requested they bring along mixers and beers they wanted to drink.

it worked really well. the catering cost about £350, and the only clearing up we needed to do was loading the dishwasher with the glasses, and everything else was swept into bin liners.

this may not be the type of thing you’re looking to do but it can be done on a budget and everyone really enjoyed themselves. I hope you’re able to find something that works!

I am extremely curious about the date that both never works but also works for 40 people to drop everything and spend hundreds on your birthday.

I think you need to take a breath and think this through. Your vision of a long cosy lunch wouldn’t happen with 40 people no matter what budget you had. I think you should find a lovely pub with a function room and a buffet option and invite everyone to that. They can pay for whatever they want to drink and everyone can mingle and eat and spend time together.

or as many have said - split it up and spread out the fun.

I don’t think I’ve ever done anything much for my birthday on the actual day. Whatever weekend was closest maybe, or often nothing outside some cupcakes with my children. I’ve never felt hard done by though.

I celebrated my 40th on my 42.35 or something like that birthday - it was Covid so I couldn’t have a party on the day but had a massive ceilidh a couple years later. I did make everyone sing happy birthday to me though lol.