Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

Just to add my birthday is just before Christmas. The pubs are busy but it adds to the atmosphere. I did my 40th and 50th at home and this year I'm treating me and my closest friends who have supported me due to ill health.
I'm not sure I'd want to pay for 40 people even if I could afford it and although I have a lot of friends I'm not inviting husbands and partners. The dynamic of the conversation changes. My friends are mostly retired and are strong of opinion. It will be a noisy happy event. (one friend did ask if her husband could come which I thought a bit cheeky , I said yes but he's into a feminist hotbed if he turns up! 😄).

I haven't rtft so not sure if this has been mentioned but can you scale it down to a lower number of guests. I'm sure it would still be a lovely lunch with a smaller number.The hotel might allow you to decorate the table so it feels more special than an everyday lunch.

Same - but that’s when I’ve arranged the meal with friends, not been formally invited to a party, if that makes sense.

@birthdayquandary appreciate the issue as looked at similar options for a big birthday last year.

Could you do evening drinks in the city and pay the bar bill? Or at least pay for the first part and then people will buy their own drinks when money runs out? This is quite normal I think. You and DH could stay in a nice hotel afterwards and meet people for brunch the next day.

I've been to big parties in hotels where we've had to pay for the room but the food and drinks - or at least wine with meal - has been provided.

Have also been to a couple of winter garden parties with gazebos, fairy lights, fire pits and outside caterers for food & serving drinks. It could be a really nice vibe if you wanted to do it at home.

I don’t think it’s “funny” to want to determine what I’ll be eating if it’s costing me £50.

Is it a shit day of the year because something tragic happened on that particular date? Or just because it’s an awkward date (I have a birthday on an awkward date so do sympathise if it’s that).

The cost also really depends on your friends economic status. Is it common for you all to spend £50 + on birthdays for each other (either as a present or a meal out?)? If so it may not be as over the top as some PP’s are suggesting. You could even say that you don’t expect a gift as their presence really is the most important. However, if your friends are struggling and this kind of money doesn’t come easily to them then I don’t think you can ask them to part with it for a birthday.

I think in these circumstances it’s expected that you’ll pay. Circumstances under which you wouldn’t, would be if you arranged to go out for a meal for your birthday with friends, as opposed to inviting them to a specific venue.

I think you should do something but with a smaller group of friends, or at a much cheaper venue. Clutching at random ideas here but organising darts and buffet in a local pub, for example.

Lol @HumphreyCushionintheHouse

Very interesting

I'm afraid I agree. Do it pot luck maybe?

Blimey! Some people have a nerve! I think that's what they call champagne taste on beer money.

With 1500 and 25 people, wouldn't you be able to cover the lunch?
Have your lazy lunch and let people go back the way they want to. Why keep them overnight after a lunch?

We were invited out for a family birthday meal, we drank soft drinks, mostly everyone else had cocktails, beers , wine etc, we had our food and at the end we were asked for £50! This should have been agreed before hand.

if it had been my family I would have spoken up and said we were only paying for our own food and drink but as it was dh’s , he didn’t want to speak up so we paid it.

wont be going out with them all again. If I invite people out for birthday dinner hen I expect to pay for everyone,

I would be happy to pay for my own meal. Always have done. Maybe would want something a bit cheaper though, or al la carte so I can control costs.

OP I think if you booked a table in a restaurant for dinner/lunch then it's absolutely reasonable for everyone to pay for their own but if it's more of a private event/party then the expectation is that the host pays. I know it shouldn't matte, either way people are paying for their food and drink but people can be funny about these things and might only want to pay for exactly what they got and might not drink alcohol.

No, with 40 people then it’s a party and you don’t charge people to attend parties. Certainly not £50 a head.

Going with a few friends to a restaurant, it can go either way with you paying for them or not. But in that scenario, they’re getting to choose their own food and it’s a small group so they actually get to spend time talking to you.

Yes, but did you get to choose what you ate? This sounds like fixed menu, mass catering level kind of food, so 3 meal choices. Chicken/beef/vegan(for veggies and vegans) can't imagine will be special.
Def sounds like a 'doing it for the likes on insta' type event.

Depending on the friends financial circumstances paying £50 for a meal (then drinks if OP doesn't cover this) is a lot. If it was at a local pub/restaurant it is likely there would be more budget friendly options so I would be able to choose something cheaper. At a hotel it's more likely to be a set menu with less choice and more fancy, which is what the OP wants, but may be more restrictive to her guests.
Although I also guess it depends where you live and what the costs of going out usually would be!

I would find it cheeky. Also at this time of year many people are struggling financially in the run up to Christmas.

Could you not go for a meal at a restaurant? We always pay our own meal when it’s a friends birthday if we go out for it.

No, op you can’t do this. Throw a party within your means.

tbh i actually think it's fine.
i went to a 40th at a restaurant and the host covered transport there and back, and when the bill came we split it (covering her cost as well). It was her birthday and we wanted to treat her!

This seems to be a modern trend. People want bigger and better celebrations these days even if they can’t afford it. They just expect others to pay for it. OP if your birthday is near Christmas, most people will not have any spare cash or feel like celebrating. Have a big celebration in the summer.

£50 seems an awful lot for lunch when it doesn't even include drink. Surely you could host yourself for a fifth of that

I’m amazed at all the people saying you can’t ask friends to pay for their own lunch? Never have I been for a meal for a friend’s bday and they have paid the whole bill!! We always pay for our own meals.

I don’t get the shit date bit. Lots of people have winter birthdays