Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

50 a head is a lot -am guessing drinks on top? I don’t see why you can’t host a home. Ask people to bring a buffet dish , ask your best friends to help clear up

Seems that you want a very specific event and can’t afford it. That’s life sometimes. Hope you find something nice to do instead. Happy birthday!

Great advice.

OP - 2 constructive thoughts:

• Make it much more modest and intimate and just invite 10 local friends and pay for them yourself.
• If you can bear to postpone till mid Jan (awful time of year, I know - that’s my birthday!😢) Pubs and restaurants will be desperate for business then and may offer much better value and incentives to eat out.

I went to a friend’s 50th at a posh restaurant where she asked us to pay similar amount. She was upfront about it so I had the choice to say no thanks. But tbh, I would have felt pretty mean saying no I’m not coming as she was a very close friend. She did say she would pay for champagne. On the day, other people in the group ordered bottles of vodka and all sorts of extras too, which ended up being split between us on top of the food bill. Left a bit of a nasty taste all round tbh.

This 🙂

I think people would expect to pay if it was a restaurant but not if it's a private function. I wouldn't come if it cost that much money

No, it wouldn’t be right to ask people to pay but I do empathise with the birthday on a shit day thing.
Mine is THE shittest day- I find it so depressing. Everyone is over Christmas, over New Year, skint, partied out and not stepping over the door.
I hate birthdays - they’re so over rated 😏 bahhhh

I think it’s rude. Host the occasion you can afford, even if it involves compromises.

I think you’ll get a lot of invitations declined or just one of a couple/family will attend.

Yes same! It’s a big group who know each other through birthday lady so it’s not reciprocal really. I’d only see my mates other mates once a year at various lunches.

I actually have a Valentine’s birthday and got used to just doing lunches though once older more friends are single and so we can do dinner if we want. Or a valentines escape room!

I think your plan sounds lovely, but better suited to a group of maybe 10/12? Can you trim your Guestlist?

I think a lot of people won’t be able to make it because of the cost ( especially with Xmas coming up) so you might end up feeling more disappointed.
Honestly I’d pick a pub where you pay at the bar so people can control what they spend on themselves - it’s the company that’s important, not the venue!

You can't be the host and then charge people! Are you as popular as you think? I'm cringing with embarrassment for you,

I would go and pay but out of my group of families and friends I’d probably be the only one who would accept the invitation due to cost. Also if they were paying that much they’d like to choose where they eat.

So you said you could cover 1.5k. And realistically 25 or so people would come. At 50 pounds each that’s 1250 pounds. Ao do your lunch, and let ppl know you will cover lunch and they can buy their own drinks. Surely a pub or the like would do a deal for lunch for less than 50 pounds? Whack whatever is left of budget on the bar so maybe the first drink is free? Just let ppl know you are fo eating food and they need to buy their own drinks?

Buffet lunch in private room at a pub. You pay for food and guests can pay for their drinks.

No you can’t ask your guests to pay! When I had a ‘big’ birthday we borrowed a big gazebo with sides and put on back of house to give more room - would that be an option? We had a local cheese and charcuterie company set up an amazing table and a friend dj’d. Friends/family helped decorate/set up and then clear up too!

Just hire a room.Some pubs let them be used for free because people are drinking. DJ and a buffet, nothing fancy, sandwiches, cocktails sausages etc. If one of my friends invited me to their birthday party and then asked me to pay for it I would think they were a CF.

My close relative is a Valentine’s Day birthday, which is a bit naff. Her husband’s is a January birthday so they pick a date in between to celebrate. My husband and I are both within a few weeks of Christmas and it can be tricky to do things as people tend to be super busy through December and want to nest at home in January or do dry January, Veganuary and similar. Could you plan to do a big lunch in the garden in summer? Is there another event like a significant wedding anniversary you could celebrate in that way? Alternatively could you go a bit smaller and do something cheaper like a private room or separate area at a pub?

It has been suggested, @Squigface , but it sounds like she's set on having it on the actual day. Not a bad idea, though.

Apologies if this has already been suggested… But why don’t you do what folk sometimes do if their kid has a Xmas birthday, and arrange to celebrate 6 months later? You could send out “save the dates” in your Xmas cards. That way, you have longer to budget (if you decide you do want to cover the entire cost) and you have more options re: doing it at home/outside etc and you still get to celebrate you! Given that it’s a big birthday, I don’t think this would be seen as remotely unacceptable, and people will probably be happy not to venture out on the “difficult” day without good public transport etc. win:win! Knowing you have plans, albeit in a few months, might stop your actual birthday from feeling depressing and “forgotten”.

That's been suggested, she doesn't want the clearing up. She wants a hotel.

Why not hire an Airbnb? The biggest and nicest you can afford and host lunch - even get caterers in. Then you might have space for people to stay over (first come first served) and go for a nice walk in the morning, pub lunch on the Sunday etc. Make a weekend of it.

Is it the Sat between Christmas and New Year? Limbo, in other words.

Would your guest coming from an hour away fit in a mini bus? Could you hire a bus/driver for the afternoon and put on a light/buffet lunch?

Sounds fantastic! Have a great time ✊!

Seeing lots of posts like this lately - people wanting to be celebrated but expecting everyone else to foot the bill. Mind-blowing. Not so much bordering of CFery as it does reek of narcissism. It’s one thing to say, it’s my birthday on Saturday and let’s use it as an excuse to get together for a pizza, another to say ‘I’m having a brunch/party and you have to pay/buy a ticket in order to come’.

It’s your birthday, you pay and if you’re lucky they’ll bring you gifts. Stick with what you can afford - drinks from majestic/sainsburys and nibbles at your home, a gathering at a nice bar with £500 behind the bar for the first few rounds, or you just invite 10 close friends and family for breakfast and you pay for them.

It may be significant to you, but it’s just a birthday. Every person in the world has one every year.

Yes, I think that's the difference that many of us are pointing out, really.