To feel that not everyone is capable of “more”

YANBU. I had to cut off a friend recently who was talking about how weak people are these days

this woman has never held a job longer than 2 years but goes around calling people who can’t work weak. has years off between jobs (her mom pays for everything) she’s oblivious to this privilege too

She has no disability or neurodivergence, she just hates working but calls others who can’t work “weak” 🤦‍♀️

this woman also doesn’t believe depression is real and has no sympathy for people who struggle with that.

My work history is shit and is min wage jobs like cleaning. I am not capable of more and right now I am not even capable of that. I have not worked for well over a decade.
I am autistic and struggle with work environments and burnout. I get burnout from just running my home let alone having a job on top of that.
I have a good support network that keeps me going and having some semblance of a life but work is not part of that.

Couldn't agree more. It's very depressing we seem to have 42% priveledged people voting on this thread. I wonder how many have actually read all the posts and still reach that conclusion.

It's no wonder people with invisible illnesses get such a hard time in the workplace. Thank goodness most healthcare professionals and decent employers actually understand and support.

YANBU and your friend is ignorant and not a good friend. We do all have different limits and capabilities and that should be okay. Unfortunately we live in a society where there are lots of privileged people (although they deny that privilege) who are ignorant to the struggle of others. There are also people brainwashed by the elite to think working 5 days a week and spending more time with work colleagues than children, even babies, is acceptable. People who believe we should all exhaust ourselves to the point of burn out to line the pockets of the 1%. People who don't appreciate invisible disability and think they have the power to know what someone is capable of just be looking at them or having a few conversations. Even if they see that person struggling they put it down to rudeness or laziness rather than them being absolutely exhausted and unable to function.

Well said. We have reached a point where some people are exempt from accountability. With the country at breaking point the day of reckoning is fast approaching. To quote mumsnet everyone 'needs to get their ducks in a row' as their won't be select privileges much longer.

Just spotted an image on Facebook that made me want to come back and share.

In addition to being ND, I have experienced decades of extreme trauma (not my doing!) including witnessing traumatic death. My gp tells me I cope better than they would with everything I've had to deal with. So the examples on this thread regarding one person's experience to one event of burnout/depression/anxiety and a linear recovery is similar to a manager I once had tell me I needed to work on my resilience, when I just needed a day of physical rest. I'd like to see anyone be as resilient mentally as I am after having been through what I have. However the physiological effects on my body from long term trauma are real. Stress has long term effects and the body holds the score. I've had to fork out thousands on private treatment and in debt as a result, because the nhs is not fit for purpose. Christ knows how those who can't afford it at all are coping.

I guess the difficulty is when people on very low incomes are not able to pay their bills and other necessities. If people are lucky enough to live somewhere where they don’t have massive housing costs and are not only just about getting by, but have a bit left over for some fun things, then I think people are often happier if they just get on with a job working to their comfort zone. DH and I have never had massive salaries, although they have been above minimum wage, on or just below what is deemed to be an ‘average’ salary and I worked PT. We were lucky though as our housing costs were very low, having bought a small property in the 1990s. I think it’s a lot harder now.

I don’t think your friend is the kind of person I would want to spend much time with.

Showing your ignorance like this isn’t a good look.

I'm intrigued by this argument. Do you ever feel overwhelmed to the point you cannot function normally? Not just a bit tired, or revamped after a cuppa etc, but actually cannot function safely and do simple tasks?

Yanbu. I have ADHD and the burnout is real! I have 2 kids and work full time, but luckily my job isn't really stressful. I have been signed off twice in the past 10 years though because the burnout and struggling with executive dysfunction triggered major depressive episodes. You need to be kind to yourself and ignore your friend.

We most definitely need people to take lower paid, essential roles (and maybe consider if they are paid enough).

We also need people to be able to fund their own lives. If DLA is paying towards your living costs then you will need to consider how you are doing to fund your lives once this stops. I'm sure we all feel overwhelmed at times; we can't all say we're only going to work a few hours a week.

Yes this is me too.

No problem, it was perfectly obvious what you meant!

Sympathies OP. I'm autistic w/ADHD. Work has always been a sore point because I am always told that I am so organised/capable/whatever that I should be running a large corporation. In practice I am constantly pushing the boundary between doing my utmost and going into a complete meltdown because I have taken too much on. And constantly, constantly testing this kind of work or that kind of headphone or x type of organisation to see if it would make a difference, because my imagined ideal is someone in a 9-5. Even though the last time I was in a 9-5, I worked 18 hours a day and weekends.

Thank you! It was the most direct comparison I could think of. Obviously homophobia is different, but the way it was said was the same. "I have an autistic child so I know what it's like". But they don't. They have no idea what it's like for autistic people themselves to experience things, so it's not valid

I think your friend needs to learn to think before she says things. I think it very easy at times to judge people but the reality is that your so called friend has no idea what life is really like for you or your husband.

I have a friend that is autistic and was not diagnosed until she was an adult. She is far from stupid. She worked in different jobs and it was due to a number of things that she decided to get tested.
She was diagnosed and applied for the benefits she was entitled to. The benefits system then was a nightmare and it took her a while to get these.

She has been doing some volunteer work for a few years and is very good at it. A manager role came up where she works about 3 months ago. One of her co workers asked will you apply for this along with a few other people. She did think about it and decided not to apply for it. She knows that it would be to much for her.
She has found out if she got a part time job for 2/3 days she would be better off financially and she is planning to do this next year. She knows that she will be able for this without ending up both physically and mentally drained like she was in the past.

You have to do what's best for you and perhaps getting more hours a week in your current job would help with money without leaving your health worse. You and your husband are doing what your able for and you don't need to be taking on more. If your health declines your not going to be able to help your child cope with the next part of their lives also.

No, it wasn’t. It was a totally valid point.

Others have already answered this question, but the only way I can think to explain it is that there are individual levels of stress and exhaustion that if crossed, then you simply cannot function. And that is true for NT and ND people. You don't have to be ND to experience burnout, but if you are ND then you can likely expect it.

In my case, my head literally throbs and stops processing information - absolutely nothing goes in. I can't string sentences together, even after a quick break/snack/walk round the block/change of activities. I even get full body muscle aches - absolutely everything hurts. If I pushed on through I'd be a liability at work - make errors, mis-understand/mis-communicate, not be able to speak in meetings etc. It's horribly and awfully embarrassing but I've learnt the early warning signs and I'm much better off taking a mental health day from work (with full support 😊) when I know I need it, preventatively, rather than push on through and tip myself over to the point of no return and it take weeks to recover.

She brought a comparison to homophobia into it so it was obnoxious.

You brought homophobia into it which was a crap analogy and obnoxious like I said.

Is your friend one of those people who can’t just support someone but always has to be offering up solutions, and usually in an abrupt way? My sister is like that and it drives me mad. Sometimes you just want someone to listen not give their two penneth worth.

It’s not obnoxious - it’s true - she’s not autistic so she will never, ever know how it feels. Just like I will never know how it feels to have ADHD, for example.

Thank you - I definitely have now, though I still struggle when people ask why I can’t do X or Y, or when they see me as lazy because I need time to just sit and do nothing so I don’t get too overwhelmed.

The 'friend' should push herself to do better by not talking absolute shit.

She could push herself to advocate for huge wages increases across society, since she feels so strongly about it.

Don't feel you have to spend time around stupid, boring people like this woman OP.

I feel for you OP, I have a few ADD probs of my own, so just wanted to gently share some info.
ADHD may contribute to ‘overthinking’ & probably also your reaction to (even just perceived) criticism can have a disproportionate impact on individuals with(ADHD) due to heightened emotional sensitivity, often leading to issues like low self-esteem, shame, and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).
It maybe worth your while speaking to your GP, as there are some meds which ADHD sufferers find very beneficial.