To not want to take my kids to other people’s houses?

DH works from home, so we have every lunch and dinner sat at the table with our 18 month old in a highchair.

Even having it as a priority for what we want to teach our child, we can still get max 10-15 mins before DD wants to get down. Yes, we try to extend. Yes, we involve her in conversation (as much as can be done). Yes, she uses cutlery to slow down her eating. But at the end of the day there is a limit how long some children will be strapped into a highchair before creating merry hell.

I think it is easy to forget what it's like when they're so young. I remember visiting family whilst DH was working abroad when I had a tiny baby. Still waking every couple of hours. No one offered to hold baby whilst I ate, the entire week-long trip. It was a week of half eaten, gone cold meals. Then, final night my sister also visited. The FIRST thing she did was ask if I wanted a break and to eat with both hands. She got up from the table with baby when she cried and let me finish an entire hot meal. I could have kissed her! But her child was only a few years older so she remembered and she understood. My parents, despite being "all about the grandkids", just didn't get it.

Why do people make toddlers sit at the table while other people finish dinner? What is the reasoning? Why not let them go off and play, if the house is safe and set up for them?

i have 4 children and they never sat at the table at that age. The youngest is 7 now and well able to sit for a family meal.

Some toddlers might be happy to sit for a meal but many get bored and have energy to use up.

The toddler needs to develop the ability to sit through a meal. Modeling a quick inhaling of a meal is not ideal.

Yes, going into a huff will definitely help.

Talk to the adults, for goodness sake. I know a lot of parents these days are very prickly (my baby, my rules) so the adults may be scared of offering help. Talk to them - they may offer advice or, at least, outrageous stories of their equally boisterous DC when young.

Remember: this, too, shall pass.

Yeh I used to swerve these kind of outings when I had a toddler and then with toddler and baby. Family whose homes were not child friendly or who didn’t help at all I would just not go very often as it was just too hard and unenjoyable and I’d often be on my own as my husband worked most weekends.

Ive still got some relatives who are an hour away and who never offer any food when we are there, or any lunch etc, and who get very sniffy when the kids are lively/ playing with toys.
As It’s such a long round trip it’s just not worth our while going with two kids who are always ravenous so we just don’t go much now. They moan about it but a two hour round trip with young kids for an hour visit just isn’t worth it in my mind.

I think it does get easier over time as you are better prepared and the children start to get used to how different places have different behaviour expectations. It’s also normal to find other places aren’t safe for unsupervised young children to play in although usually their help gardens are better (weather dependent though).

It does make visiting places more of a chore but that’s also just the reality of having young children.

I would have also preferred people to have carried on as they were because often their help really isn’t helpful at all and tends to make things worse.

If your toddler doesn’t (have to) sit at the table for long at home, they weren’t going to do it at someone else’s house.

I made my kids sit at the table from day one so they were used to it, my sister never did, so hers wouldn’t. That’s fine but I wouldn’t be running around helping. If it wasn’t something I thought my family could do, I’d just not go.

I think it’s very easy to say ‘oh well we have always all sat at the table no problem’ when for many toddlers, no they don’t find this easy / you can’t communicate to them why they are being restrained / and everyone then has to sit through high drama to force them to sit at the table.

At a family dinner at home for 15 minutes is also a different thing to two hours at a group lunch.

I have a just-three year old and they can now sit at the table for a long period, play with a couple of toys etc. We can communicate with them (ie they understand) what is happening, and what will happen next. Six months ago, they did not have the understanding to do so - they could not make the link, their brain was not developed enough to ‘get it’ - and like OPs child they’d be struggling to escape, annoyed, wanting to run around.

So - less judging please.

@Mondaytuesdayhappydays how old is this grandchild? My two year old would be so dangerous strapped into something trying to climb out, it would cause the chair to tip I’m sure ditto with putting in a playpen, it would cause screaming and climbing over the top. A baby that can’t climb maybe it works but not a two year old!
@Unicorn1991 You are right if the other adults aren’t helping out with the little ones don’t go out of your way to visit and have a stressful experience. Invite people over at convenient times where you have your own things.

My DGC have to sit at the table until everyone has finished eating like all their parents did. Done from day 1 so second nature.
The toddler is strapped in any way so getting down to run about wouldn’t be an option.
if there’s adults chatting afterwards then he can get down and play of course - in their house in the front room or wherever as childproof, at mine with us in the lounge/diner with a few toys on the floor, or Bluey on quietly on the telly.
if he wanders off and requires and adult to follow him about DD plonks him in the travel cot with his toys which she uses as a playpen and takes everywhere she goes for this reason.

It doesn't sound like this worked for anyone, so there will probably be no opposition to you saying you're not going again. These things only really work when everyone understands what having two tiny children as part of the party will look like, and is happy to run the event around that. Sounds like your family expected a 'normal' dinner, having forgotten what it's like, and probably enjoyed what they actually got no more than you did. So yes, just say no in future.

Not easy but one question I have is whether toddler sits in his chair and eats dinner with you? At home that is. Ours did and while eating elsewhere wasn’t always 😂 easy, they knew they had to sit for a while.

Whose house were you visiting? Are they your family or your DH's? Are they people who will take massive offence if you decline invitations to visit them?

It sounds like a very stressful visit, particularly if there were no offers of help. Were these people sympathetic or disapproving of how you and your DH dealt with your two young children during the meal?

Difficult with a two year old.

I agree better to invite to yours, and then you are in your own space / can control timings etc.

People without toddlers often have unrealistic expectations of what a toddler can do.