That the phrases "The Mrs", "The Wife", etc set my teeth on edge!

You don't. I've never heard any woman refer to her husband as 'the husband' either, it's always 'my husband' 'my husband, [his name]' or just 'his name'. Always.

I loathe "our lass"with a passion

I'm sure my husband refers to me as 'the missus' with people he knows that don't know me. I don't think it's that important, but- now I think about it- my friends and I use our husbands'/partners' names to refer to them.

My husband calls me 'er Indoors. I think it's funny, especially compared to some of the endearments I call him 🤷‍♂️

Himself sounds Irish English, but maybe it's more widespread...

Are you American?

I hate 'the missus', but I wouldn't take a man's name anyway so wouldn't be someone's missus.
I have no problem with 'the wife' and we can use 'the' for husband, son and daughter in Welsh. Potentially also other family relationships.

I think with some men, it’s almost like it’s too personal/emotional to say “my” wife, so using “the” wife makes it feel more “blokey” in their strange minds. I don’t like it and would always swerve those sorts of men. My dad always said “the wife” or “the missus” and “the son” and “the daughter”. He wasn’t a good man, he couldn’t show any love or affection, was very abusive an a misogynist.

I don’t like them either, but then I really dislike ‘hubby’, too.

TBH I’ve never heard any but pretty old men speak of ‘the wife’, ‘the Mrs’, let alone ‘Her indoors’.

It doesn't bother me. There same as anything, if it's said in a way to put someone down then they just aren't worth stressing over. If it's said in jest of affectionately there's no issue

We got rid of gendered descriptions years ago.

Think actor/actress.

Gendered words existed because it was easier than adding male.or.female to every noun.

Strange that we haven't done if with bf and gf.

My DP and I describe each other as partner because we are a partnership that is stronger than the sum of us. It also helps distinguish between either of us and our boyfriends/girlfriends.

Way back with, I think, Rumpole of the Bailey the reference was always to:

She who must be obeyed

Very much the same sentiment I think

It's really not a female issue unless you choose to make it one, or unless you want to say that women are thin-skinned and are damaged by lazy language.

I don't give a sh-t about the menz (I'm sure they can cope as can most women) but i do give a sh-t about echo chambers, especially ones that would like to curtail people's speech and partner's personal choices..

I'm offering a counterpoint that shows it's more of a personal thing than a sex related thing.

The fact that you've literally never heard of something just means that your experiences are limited. We move in different circles obviously. However your reaction seems to be one of "if I've not heard it then it doesnt happen and you must be trolling on behalf of men" and I find that rather concerning.

Ah but you see I feel really silly calling my partner my boyfriend as we are in our 40s/50s and have been together for 30 years. It just feels childish to me.

"My/Your/The bird"

🤮🥶🤬

Er indoors is from Minder and I think it is probably used by people of a certain age. She was never seen and he was scared of her. It certainly wasn't misogynistic.

It depends on context and the tone it is used in. DH and I refer to each other like
this all the time. In our case it’s a sign of affection in a loving relationship.
If anyone else has a problem with it I’d tell them to fuck off and who do they think they are to police my language.

This thread has reminded me of something my father used to say.

Dad, who was a misogynistic prick (he was in the Met in the 70s), used to refer to women as 'Doris' when speaking about them.

It's a strange one, but he lumped all women under the homogeneous barrier of 'Doris', as though none were worthy of having their own name, identity etc.

I have heard of husbands being referred to as 'himself' more than once. Just because you haven't heard it doesn't mean it doesn't happen you know.

Honestly, who really can be bothered caring about this sort of trivia? Just get on with your own lives, it's ridiculous to get so bothered by what other people do.

TBF, just because you've not heard this doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
I always refer to DH as "the husband" or "the fella" when I'm talking about him at work. Not to friends because they know his name, but I will jokingly refer to him as "the old ball and chain" too.

I’ve literally never heard anyone refer to their husband as ‘the man’ or himself? This is very much a female issue and trying to say ‘well what about the men will SOMEONE think of them’ doesn’t work here.

I think it’s fine - my partner (or boyfriend as a poster insisted) says it in the context of ‘I’ll just check with the missus’ - sounds a lot more established relationship than oh I’ll check with my girlfriend.