To think that people treat me badly because of my looks?

I bet he'd have shouted at anyone except a similarly sized/larger man, and even then he may have started then stopped himself.

I'll get myself punched one of these days as my split second reaction to that sort of thing is no longer to cry or stand there and wish I'd disappear... I've gone back to my childhood meltdown (yes, actual meltdown not just temper) behaviour - aggressive verbal attacks like that trigger me to scream FUCK OFF back in such peoples faces (and again, yes I do mean scream). I have no chance of running away/backing off easily as a powerchair is not that manouverable!

This +probably doing the desk part of his job or social media updates in the cafe. That's the other thing that has changed since Covid: disturb at your peril.

He likely wouldn't have shouted at you in that way if you were a young and pretty girl - so yeah i think you have a point.

He sounds a bit unhinged though and I'm surprised the cafe staff didn't step in if he really was shouting that much.

knowing that he would not be challenged on his behaviour.

Then why didn't you? I'd be telling him to shut the fuck up and I'll sit where I like. I found people tried to take the piss a lot more when I was younger and less confident.

I doubt if it's your appearance. Maybe he was trying to work and was annoyed at being disturbed? Maybe you'd been chatting and he'd been getting increasingly irritated? Maybe he'd just had a terrible day and it was the last straw? If some people see older people as 'invisible' they tend ignore then rather than shout at them.

Another who would assume steroids rather than your age/appearance.

I would contact his work and tell the manager

I don’t think it’s got anything to do with your looks - it’s all about people being rude and entitled now. No community spirit.

my father was punched over a parking dispute… and the car didn’t even belong to him!

I suppose knocking his chair could have aggravated his haemorrhoids - was what I initially thought on reading your post, until I realised what you meant!

My thoughts also went straight to roid rage. He was just a vile prick on steroids with his big ugly muscles. Gross.

I agree. I'm in my 60s and have never been treated like that, nor have I become invisible.

Yikes. So sorry you had that horrible experience. It can be so jarring and upsetting.
I haven’t noticed people being more rude to older women, but I have noticed a rise in people’s stress levels in general. We’ve had a really destabilizing time since 2020.

I think this bonkers behavior was just all on him, in this case- I bet he would have done that no matter who you are or what you looked like. It might have even been worse…

I have noticed people aren’t as overly friendly to me as they were when I was in my 20’s, but I don’t mind that, as the “friendliness” often came with attention I didn’t want.

im not going to invalidate your experience, though - if you are experiencing this, it is awful, and it’s more a reflection on the people who behave that way than anything else. People don’t “earn” being treated with basic courtesy … that should be a default, shouldn’t it. But some people are rotten.

In that example his reaction sounds too fast to be looks specific. If he was working on his laptop, got bumped by you and shouted stop, he’s reacting to the bump not your looks so it’s odd to bring looks into it. Esp trainers, manicures etc which won’t even register in the moment. On a more general basis, if you look scruffy as you say then sure overall you’ll get less respect than if you looked smart. Added to that yes ageism is a thing but so are other factors as pps have said, from society getting ruder (more screen obsessed as in this example) to sexism and gym guy twattery.

@Ethina it’s surely perfectly clear that the man was having some sort of ‘episode’ - almost certainly caused by steroid misuse as others have noted.

I’m sorry your mother’s remarks have strengthened your internalised misogyny regarding your value as a human being. I’m in my sixties, fully expect to be treated with courtesy and consideration by strangers and with respect by people who know me - and that has been my invariable experience so far.

That should be the case regardless of how one presents oneself in public. However I do notice that you describe your appearance - dressed in non-fashionable trainers and tracksuit - as an immutable fact. Those are just clothes. And clothes are incredibly cheap. Why not spend a little time on the Style & Beauty board, where posters will be happy to suggest ways you can improve your wardrobe, and revivify your appearance generally - if you’d like to? No botox required.

Also … 30s fella, working in a gym, very angry in unprovoked situations …

Could be a steroid abuser.

You’re not wrong although I think it isn’t solely about looks, but age and looks. If you’ve got great looks you get a free 10-year pass before the normal menopause disregard and disrespect sets in ;)

The only way is to stand up to these enetitled twattish bullies. Draw yourself up to full height, shoulders back; hard Paddington stare, and a loud and direct rebuke to the little squit.

ive just been served some Facebook reels of of older female dogs sorting out irritating, gobby puppies, with a firm growl and a nip. They know what it’s all about ;)

He sounds unhinged

And I'd report him to the gym that he works in

I’d be tempted to contact the gym. ‘Just checking in on one of your employees that screamed at three women in a cafe yesterday, he seemed to be having some form of an episode.’

Nah, you had an encounter with a nutcase experiencing roid rage.

Roid rage is real! He’s just a prick with a small dick

Perhaps he's on (non-prescribed) anabolic steroids as you said he worked in the gym. They can make him angry and unhinged https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roid_rage

Exactly!

Do you mean they are thinking, "women are bad enough but an unfuckable one is just abhorrent" I mean where do these bozo's think they came from? If only women could know in advance not to to bother birthing these losers.

Hmm, I find that people are nicer to be in middle-age than previously! Perhaps because I’m no threat to them in any way?
I think he was just a rude prat tbh.

In my experience there is a growing demographic of self-involved young men who seem angry about the very existence of older women. We know overt misogyny's on the rise; I expect it's just one expression of that. If I'm not too startled in the moment, I like to treat them like poorly-behaved children. Doesn't make any difference, but it gives me a little satisfaction!

The bloke at the café obviously has a screw coming loose. PP could well be right about steroids, in which case his willy will be shrinking - a cheering thought 😏

It's not your looks, OP. Just losers and crackpots.