To think that people treat me badly because of my looks?

I think this is a him issue rather than a you issue. Possible roid rage? Or just a dickhead? I’ve heard that people are less used to being in public since Covid: manners gone down the pan.

As a middle aged woman, I’ve actually found that people are generally pleasant to me

This sounds like it’s his issue, not really to do with you. He might also be on steroids and that can cause this kind of over the top behaviour.

Whether looks have anything to do it is immaterial and his problem, not yours.

I'm in my 50s and what I have noticed is that I'm more likely to be confronted by men when I'm out without my dp. Sounds obvious, but just shows the mindset of these bullies.

So for example, man in his 30s once shouted at me, calling me selfish for not moving down the carriage on the tube (It was packed, I was getting off next stop and felt claustrophobic and was having a hot flush. Also, i can stand where i want). I can guarantee he would not have said a word if dp was there. That bothers me more than if he was less likely to say something if I was young and beautiful.

What I do appreciate about being older and plainer is less attention from pervs. No longer on their radar. Totally freeing.

I’m in my sixties and I would never have thought this mans behaviour was anything to do with me. He sounds like a basic nutter.

Forget him. Think instead about what you could do to improve your own self esteem. 💐

I would assume a bad case of roid rage in this scenario.

However, I recognise everything you are saying re. people treating you different if you are dressed down or overweight - I have noticed that I get treated very differently depending on how I present myself/ weight fluctuations. It’s depressing, isn’t it?

I also believe that people have become more short tempered and less kind since Covid. I would be really interested in finding out why - whether it’s general life stress, trusting each other less, less social interaction etc.

I’d complain to the gym and be ready to post their response on the local Facebook group so that their customers can see what they’re signing up for. Arsehole.

No definitely not your looks.

It was very irrational behaviour.

The guy’s been taking too many steroids, or he’s got MH problems.

@Slightyamusedandsilly Are people in their 50’s and 60’s elderly? Older adults, yes, but elderly at 55?

What’s an 85-year-old then?!

Yep, people are more unfriendly these days but a lot of men are more entitled, arrogant and misogynistic. You probably just met one of those.

I'm guessing you're in denial about your age.

The OP and her friends are in their 50s & 60s.

Of course I don't know. But I'll continue to speculate! That's all it is, speculation.

I don’t think it was your age, but he probably wouldn’t have raged at you in the same way had you been a great strapping guy who could have knocked him on his arse.

My money is on roid rage, and I would definitely be having a word to the gym. If he works there and is in the cafe in his uniform then he is representing them in a poor way and needs to be reminded of the fact. (Plus if he is using or buying steroids at the gym then that adds a whole extra layer of wrongness.)

What a colossal prick. I have had a few run ins with similar guys over the years and believe me, they have had the sharp side of my tongue. On one memorable occasion an elderly gent popped over to back me up and had a good (verbal) go at the pompous twit in question.

There is a section of gym going, “alpha male”, incel types who loathe women, who have been emboldened by the likes of Trump to feel they are superior and if a woman isn’t pretty, she has no use in the world.
He is just a twat.
Id have let some of my menopausal rage out and shouted back but then I don’t give a fuck any more.

I find this level of speculation odd. You were nor there from what I understand and don’t know this man, we all know some people, men and women talk to 21 year olds, attractive or otherwise like shit. Ask any attractive 21 year old. The world isn’t just full of kind blokes for them. So how on earth would you know what this particular man would do?

I'm not sure, do you think he would have spoken to an attractive 21 year old the same way? I don't

I’m in my late sixties and find some people either don’t see me (that’s their loss) or I demonstrate the kind of behaviours that make the majority treat me well. I smile at people serving me, I treat them as important, I greet people, saying thank you when they hold open doors and so on. Yes, it all takes effort but that’s something I believe is worth doing.
The OP seems to feel a victim of gym-man’s bad behaviour. Maybe next time ask and smile at people you might disturb so when someone does behave inappropriately, you’ll always remain in control.
Very occasionally you can let someone know they’re being a dick by look alone.

The bloke needs to come off his steroids. Nothing to do with you.

It’s generally disappointing when an OP posts something contentious and then doesn’t return. So I hope @Ethina will …

He sounds like an awful character, and maybe can't control his temper.

I'm 59 and not noticing any unusual behaviour from others towards me. I live in a small town where people are generally polite, and maybe that's very different from the type of place you live in?

Don't dwell on it. I've been shouted at by idiots when I was young and supposedly attractive.

Well, no, I don’t think anyone said she should have challenged him to fight, personally speaking, I wouldn’t get into an argument with an already angry, unpleasant man.

I do think there are a number of men that think exactly that.

I have learned as I’ve got older that I have a resting bitch face. I suspect I’ve always had it but it is an advantage. I have a face that says “I can stand up for myself” and a voice that verbalises a string “fuck you” before I can even think it.

I grew up with a violent alcoholic father and even now, in my mid 50’s, I cannot stand when people try to intimidate me. I’ll take a step towards them and look them straight in the eye.

One day it will get me into trouble 🙄

I don't especially think looks mean much. I was more attractive than I realised when I was younger but in everyday life only really ever got creeps hitting on me. I think most people don't notice most people. I doubt you're as unattractive as you think too. I do think some men will target women for confrontation but not men and some men will focus on younger women but, happily for me, I can live without their attention.

I think he shouted at you because you’re a woman. End of.

I’m in my 60’s and haven’t noticed myself becoming invisible or people being rude to me. The opposite in fact, I’ve found people mostly very friendly, we were at the Hydro in Glasgow last night and all the staff, of all ages , were great! However, I noticed quite a few years ago how my fab youngest daughter always makes eye contact with people, and is friendly, in return people really respond well to her. So I make a real effort to do this too, and it works !
The man you met was just an idiot, I doubt it was anything personal!

I think people are way too concerned with being polite these days. I'm five foot tall, my mum is 4 foot 10.5 and a couple of years ago a workman had a right go at us for walking on a paving slab he'd just laid- we were so absorbed in our conversation we didn't see it. He thought he could pick on two very short, NOT young women IMO. By the time I'd finished berating him, he probably wanted to die.