To not clean up DH’s sick

Only you can decide when you have had enough

mine was last year and dh necked neat vodka infront of dd6 at 330pm and knew things would not change

no he didn’t throw up and ruin mattress but was emotionally abusive esp when drunk

prick was used often to me

I should have ended things before but you hope and wish that they will change

they say they will. Say sorry. Say they don’t want to drink. They won’t drink

18mths later dh soon to be ex as divorce is going through still drinks

he won’t change @Dollyflip

You and your children deserve better OP.

Please consider getting support from al-anonuk.org.uk/

I can't get over the fact that he is so unapologetic - I think this sort of thing is quite disgusting. I also can't understand why he couldn't get to the bathroom. When I was a child it was drummed into me that if I was going to be sick, I jolly well had to control myself until I got to the bathroom! People don't seem to have any self-control these days.

I would be done too. The act itself is horrendous, but the fact he's not cleaned it up properly and has the audacity to try and deflect blame on to you in any way shape or form tells you everything you need to know. I wouldn't go on holiday with him, I would leave. Life is far too short for this. This is not the kind of behaviour you want your daughter growing up to think is acceptable in relationships.

He’s utterly disgusting.
I would be so very angry 😠 but would need to clean it up because it will stink and ruin your furniture .
Also the dog might lick it 🤢

I worked eith someone whoes wife came to bed drunk then puked by the side of the bed, in to the fan and apparently it went everywhere acrosd the room, he came to work and told us about it.
I mean occassionally sick happens to people (luckily not outside of a toilet in our house ), bad drinks combo, people buying rounds of shots etc, but he needs to clean it up.

The vomit is disgusting but it's his attitude that's worse.

My husband would be mortified, and the clean up would be spotless. Charitably, shit happens and it doesn't necessarily mean it's a return to the old days of this being a regular occurrence - but he should still be remorseful and diligent, not resentful and petulant.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way about your marriage.

No, I read that!

I reckon if I was somehow sick on myself and someone didn’t help me I would think they were a prick too 😅

It’s not a choice is it. No reasonable person thinks to themselves ‘do you know what - I’m going to be sick all over myself and then all over the sofa, so I can smell it every time I sit down for all of eternity’ 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Each to their own I guess.

I mean I’d have cleaned it up just because people who are so drunk they are vomiting don’t tend to have the capacity to clean it up properly and I wouldn’t want it festering and making the house stink or ruining fabrics. I would have been extremely angry though and he would have had to make it up to me in a big way.

As someone who has had a drinking problem it’s very very difficult to limit yourself to sensible amounts. That’s why I no longer drink at all… I’d suggest he should do the same.

My ex used to get really nasty when he was drunk. Always promised he would stop, did for a bit, and then back on it again.

Life's too short, and it does affect your kids.
Your life will be so much happier without him.

He has a drinking problem. Sooner or later this is going to catch up with his health, and maybe his work performance and ability to high earn (which may be something he holds over you?)

There is the outside chance there's something wrong - he's drinking to cover up pain, sadness, fear etc. Might be worth investigating that. If you feel this is something you want to continue inflicting on yourself and your children while he does or does not try working on dealing with it.

But he's in his fifties now, nearly ten years older than you. He has a habit, he's set in his ways and probably won't change.

Instead of acknowledging it, he did a classic bit of DARVO 'whataboutery'. Blamed it on you. 'If you hadn't (insert bullshit) I wouldn't have (insert further bullshit)'

He is disgusting and unsanitary. This isn't new. He's pissed on mattresses and now puked all over your family room including your daughter's homework.

He didn't clear it up asap, left it for ages, didn't do it properly. Now the room smells and items will be damaged from the acid. And it was somehow your fault.

So what do you want?

Absolutely he cleans it up. It's been a while since DH was sick like that but the time he was after a Christmas party and threw up all over the bathroom I left it. I just went out in the morning and left him to it.

Based on your updates you are right to be working. Make sure you are building up some savings he doesnt know about.

Christ! Does anyone actually want to be stuck away with him? Isn't he likely to be a drunken pig then too?
Poor children ☹️.

Honestly OP, be strategic here.
Perhaps tell the school the truth, pictures would have been a good idea to take.
Will he be a prick with custody?
If so I would email the school what has happened and ask for their kindness and understanding for your daughter re her homework.
The smell of alcohol vomit is vile.
Bicarbonate of soda is a good neutraliser in hot water and washing liquid.
Take photos now.
Tell him to do it again.
This IS a sign, get out and protect your child from this.

Used to have same issue with a ex of mine except it was other end I literally had to clean faeces up off the floor and carpet as he was too wasted to maje it to toilet, plus wash clothes and bedding I eventually said stop going out and he resented me and got nasty used to drink at home on a sat sun night instead and I wished he would goout then!!!
I eventually left as it turned nasty and he kicked me and punched me on one occasion, such men you cannot change I'd embarrass him tell his family members or a friend ask if they think it's reasonable, as unless he sees it isn't no hope of him changing,
If its his daughter you've got a good few years of good maintenance, go love save up abit first and try stash some household bits away new towels bedding etc etc etc

Absolutely not! I only clean up after someone if they are genuinely ill, not self inflicted alcohol poisoning. He should clean it up himself and apologise to you and DD.

Sorry, if he’s getting that drunk he has an alcohol problem. Has he acknowledged this?

I remember when my DD used to get in that state occasionally. Her partner who loved her did help. He held her hair back while she was sick in the toilet.

Not all over herself and the furniture

And she then cleaned it up herself

Anyone who gets themselves in that revolting state can absolutely clean it up

Did you miss the bit where he called her a prick?

I mean I’ll be honest - I don’t drink. But if I did and I was that drunk I was throwing up all over myself, I would hope that the person who said they loved me would help me?!

I understand the knee jerk reaction to be like ‘self inflicted, vile, sort it yourself’ but he’s clearly not in any fit state.

If this was the first time he had done this AND was genuinely remorseful, I would forgive it.

He would still be cleaning it up, mind. I would also relentlessly take the piss.

But it isn't and he is being a complete dick about it.

He is 51. He has behaved like a teenager, going out and getting senseless, puked everywhere (and my god, if he was fasting and that is just alcohol sick, it will STINK) and if that wasn't bad enough, has sworn at you, blamed you and will undoubtedly sulk at the indignity of being made to scrub up his own vomit.

I couldn't and wouldn't put up with this. If you decide to stay with him, make him stay in a hotel after a night out. A few times of deep cleaning charges and perhaps trying to blame the hotel staff might humiliate him to behave like a grown up.

LTB. Just do it this time. Did DD hear what he said to you? She needs to see you very strongly reject being treated like absolute crap and choose better for yourself and for her. He’s revolting.