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Original poster

To not clean up DH’s sick

308 replies

Dollyflip · 19/10/2025 07:45

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

OP posts:
LittleTroubleGirl · 20/10/2025 21:35

If I were you I’d be packing his bag tonight OP, and telling him to get the fuck out of my house

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/10/2025 21:14

Serious talk when back from holiday

it won’t make any diff

he says sorry. You forgive. Till happen again. And repeat

you don’t love him. He doesn’t respect you or dd

why stay together

as I replied above I get it’s hard leaving dh.

Easy for people to type ltb but it’s not their life being torn apart

do you want this happening every year @Dollyflip

splitting up and divorce is the only way things will get better

I know. I’ve been where you are now

LittleTroubleGirl · 20/10/2025 18:17

Leave NOW. What a thoroughly depressing situation OP

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 17:41

Dhar mann has some videos on alcoholic husbands. What can happen and the effect it has on the family. They are not too long, very simply played out and the message is easily understood. It could get him thinking. You could set It up to come on when he's in the living room

JenniferBooth · 20/10/2025 17:37

Sounds like his mother couldnt wait to get rid of him. Small bladder my arse.

Orangemintcream · 20/10/2025 17:24

With every post he just gets worse and worse.

Please please do not continue to expose your DD to her alcoholic father.

BountifulPantry · 20/10/2025 17:22

Did he phone the school and explain what happened with the book or did you?

DierdreDaphne · 20/10/2025 17:11

As per pp he has a drink problem and a respect problem, and his attitude does not suggest he has the slightest interest in fixing either.

The way he has treated your daughter her is absolutely awful. She must feel sick herself (As a teen my parents subjected me to drama like this and I can't tell you how much I hated it. I didn't say anything though.) I really feel sorry for your dd here.

I couldn't leave home quickly enough and had a distant relationship with both parents for the next several years. It got better when they had sorted some of their shit out, but at the time I hated hated hated it all , and despised both of them
.

BuckChuckets · 20/10/2025 16:40

Dollyflip · 20/10/2025 14:04

He used to go out and drink ten plus pints, but even then he couldn’t handle it and has often wet himself. He used to tell me what he had, and according to our joint account it tallied. But after I was able to see his other accounts I saw that he was using accounts I couldn’t see to buy drinks. So he was drinking more than he was telling me.Sadly I think growing up his mother enabled his behaviour as I remember her giving us a waterproof mattress protector when he first moved in! She used to say he had a small bladder like her 😩

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Oh that's grim 😞

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 15:50

He sounds like he has a decent drink problem. He has to want to change..

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 15:31

It sounds like he could be in denial. So something really has to change.. either something around him or himself. I wonder if you could make yourself not available to pick up the pieces/counsell him every time he goes out drinking. For example if you know he's going drinking you could tell him you're on a new fitness routine and then the morning after, you could be gone off jogging or even working or something. If you aren't there to help him pick up the pieces, he'll have to do it himself. Don't even talk about what happened with him, pretend it's too boring to even talk about. If that fails and if you aren't a big drinker, maybe in a few weeks you could tell him that it's reminding you that you haven't been out in ages, you could invite a female friend over for a glass of wine and pretend you got sick everywhere or wet the bed. Give a quick apology and if he presses it, tell him that you just really wanted a chance to enjoy yourself like him. Chances are he won't like the idea of you doing it too and could suggest easing back. You know him better though so these are just ideas!

Original poster
Dollyflip · 20/10/2025 14:04

Tiswa · 20/10/2025 13:58

@Dollyflip how much does he normally drink if 22ish units isn’t that much?

He used to go out and drink ten plus pints, but even then he couldn’t handle it and has often wet himself. He used to tell me what he had, and according to our joint account it tallied. But after I was able to see his other accounts I saw that he was using accounts I couldn’t see to buy drinks. So he was drinking more than he was telling me.Sadly I think growing up his mother enabled his behaviour as I remember her giving us a waterproof mattress protector when he first moved in! She used to say he had a small bladder like her 😩

OP posts:
Tiswa · 20/10/2025 13:58

@Dollyflip how much does he normally drink if 22ish units isn’t that much?

GasPanic · 20/10/2025 13:56

Sounds like he may have an issue with alcohol.

Being alcoholic is not just about downing lots of drinks all the time.

I knew someone once who hardly ever drank, but when they started they wouldn't stop and became completely out of control.

It sounds like he might be this sort of alcoholic if this is happening once a year.

Some people just have a couple of drinks and lose it completely.

user65342 · 20/10/2025 13:45

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Personally, for me, I wouldn’t still be married to him. Even my teenagers know that if they get ill through drinking they are cleaning it up. There is no way I would be cleaning up after a grown man and wouldn’t stay with one who thought that he was entitled to expect it.

Original poster
Dollyflip · 20/10/2025 13:42

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 13:38

He could be in denial too if he avoided eye contact. Or it could be disrespect! Question to yourself if he could have an issue with alcohol too

Yes he was scrolling on his phone at the time

OP posts:
TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 13:38

He could be in denial too if he avoided eye contact. Or it could be disrespect! Question to yourself if he could have an issue with alcohol too

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/10/2025 13:28

At least he tried clean it up I guess. He's probably embarrassed. I would get him to talk to your daughter too because it's not a nice thing for her to hear. He should try make it up to the both of you

SALaw · 20/10/2025 13:14

“Men” aren’t that thick. Your husband specifically might be, though.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 20/10/2025 13:09

LittleTroubleGirl · 20/10/2025 11:03

@HelenSkeleton how to I do that please? No au fait with technology 🙃

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@LittleTroubleGirl just go to the home page and click on “add post” then select the category you want to post under. Simple.

Original poster
Dollyflip · 20/10/2025 12:57

I’ve spoken to a close friend this morning and it seems to be at least every year something happens like this. He can’t seem to go a full year without doing something stupid and being nasty.
I cleaned up after as he hasn’t done a good job at all. Thankfully hardly any went on the actual sofa, more on the floor in front so the splashes I managed to get rid of and used bicarbonate of soda as well on the pouffe that the tray leaked on. This morning I said about DD science book and work and he just said whilst looking at his phone ‘yes I feel really bad about that!’ It’s like he does these things then wants it brushed under the carpet and that’s that.
I’m going to grin and bear the holiday as I need a holiday!! He likes to lie in the sun all day so I can spend some time alone and with my daughter doing other things but it will be time for a serious talk when we get back. Surely he must realise I’m not happy or are men really that thick?!
I think some have hit the nail on the head that he has no respect due to him being the higher earner too. I’ve always worked around the kids and sacrificed my career so I had to retrain and start again whilst he’s worked away for years in the past, regular work trips abroad etc whilst he’s not had to worry about childcare.
I’ve had a cleaner come today too, who comes weekly since I started full time as DH does literally zero cleaning (he did in Jan for three months then he had a sore arm!!!!)

OP posts:
ldnmusic87 · 20/10/2025 11:09

He sounds awful, move on.

StandFirm · 20/10/2025 11:05

HelenSkeleton · 20/10/2025 08:55

He probably gets paid 10x the OP's salary rather than earns it. He's an absolute horror.

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yes, good point.

LittleTroubleGirl · 20/10/2025 11:03

HelenSkeleton · 20/10/2025 08:53

@LittleTroubleGirl Start your own thread please, don't jump on someone else's.

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@HelenSkeleton how to I do that please? No au fait with technology 🙃

Apocketfilledwithposies · 20/10/2025 10:57

Urgh.

If he's usually less of an idiot on holiday MAYBE grit your teeth and go.

But before you leave book some solicitors appointments for when you get home. Start making solid plans.

This is no life op. I'm getting the ick just reading your post.

The cleaning up - imagine being the kind of person that cleans up their drunken sick so halfheartedly that there is still sick around his kids on the walls etc.

Has he apologised to your DD about her homework and for scaring her? 😢

Time to make plans. Solid plans and not relent this time.