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AIBU?

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Original poster

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

308 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 14:13

Upstairs was party room. Downstairs was the business which was fully booked for the day so nowhere for parents to go have a coffee

OP posts:
Luna6 · 16/10/2025 14:11

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

Edited

The ten children was the minimum amount required. Not the maximum. Maybe read the post properly before making a stupid comment.

myheadsjustmush · 16/10/2025 14:10

Do not give them another penny! It sounds like the daughter and mother who own this place need to take a crash course on how to run a customer facing business!

Aside from the way other staff spoke to you, the mother was wrong to call you out after the event - and if she says anything to you again, I would write an honest review.

How can they berate you for exceeding numbers, when you were not given a maximum number allowed in the first place?!

And as for the "if you are willing to help evacuate in the event of a fire" comments - WTF?! 😲

These people clearly have no a) health and safety skills, b) very little management skills, and c) zero people management skills.

If this happened to me, I would be checking every insurance certificate / fire extinguisher / PAT tested item etc to make sure everything was in order. But that's just me, and stuff like this would really pi$$ me off! 😂

LandSharksAnonymous · 16/10/2025 14:10

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 14:08

The OP had given all the info at the time of booking regarding children and parents attending. They accepted the booking on those grounds. The Op never added to any numbers

Show quote history

My reading of it was that OP booked for 13 children, then in conversation told the owner that all the parents would also be there (i.e. those adults were not part of the original booking, only the children were).

So she did add to the numbers? But, either way, she was told it would be too many - she chose to ignore them.

KookyRoseCrab · 16/10/2025 14:10

They as a business shouldn’t talk about you out of school.
i would move on and not darken their door again.
yes you over invited and if they had said but the parents/guardians couldn’t stay due to it been a small area i would have said return my money I’m not a babysitter

Lou7171 · 16/10/2025 14:09

BrieAndChilli · 16/10/2025 13:39

could some of the parents not have sat downstairs and had a drink? parents don't need to hover over 4 and 5 years olds - how do they manage at school?

Yeah, I was wondering this.

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 14:08

LandSharksAnonymous · 16/10/2025 14:05

She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off.

It's in the OP...it might not have been explicit, but OP was gently told not to add to the numbers.

Show quote history

The OP had given all the info at the time of booking regarding children and parents attending. They accepted the booking on those grounds. The Op never added to any numbers

Scarlettpixie · 16/10/2025 14:07

Gosh no, don't offer to pay more! This is entirely on them and you have done nothing wrong. I would have said I'd asked so and so who she said it was fine and would probably have reiterated the same when the other lady collared you in the shop. I understand it's not always easy when you are put on the spot.

I would probably leave them an honest review to warn others about the mystery maximum number allowed and their rudeness and never go again. The people running the place are part of the experience for me.

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 14:07

Teathecolourofcreosote · 16/10/2025 14:01

I think that having had the conversation they probably expected you to lay the ground a bit with guests.

E.g to say the party room has limited space so it can be drop off, or 'there is a cafe on the ground floor ' or 'we may need to wait outside for part of the session'.

At five mine were happy to be left. I'd have stayed nearby in case needed (where I live there often distance that means it's not worth going home anyway) and gone for a walk and popped back in a couple of times.

The venue perhaps thought one or two parents of those who are more anxious or don't know the hosts so well to stay (hence the comment) but not all of them and not all of them inside the room itself.

Isn’t that a conversation the venue should have had before the party though? I wouldn’t expect a person hosting. Sorry to have to lay the ground with parents who have turned up. I’d have been super embarrassed to start offing parents out the room when I was about to do activities for the party. It is hard enough rounding up 5 year olds, let alone doing that with adults too. The venue had all the info about children and parents beforehand

LandSharksAnonymous · 16/10/2025 14:05

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 14:05

I don’t understand this- she was told she had to invite over 10 so invited 13. What extra info do you have that we don’t?

Show quote history

She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off.

It's in the OP...it might not have been explicit, but OP was gently told not to add to the numbers.

ginasevern · 16/10/2025 14:05

@Lavender14 "I think what's happened here is that you've missed what they've been politely trying to tell you, "

You obviously don't run a business. As a venue owner you do not "politely try to tell" anybody anything. You have hard and fast rules that adhere to the law on all aspects of fire, insurance and health & safety regulations. These rules must be clearly communicated to the client at the point of booking, usually in the form of written T&Cs, and the venue owner is breaking the law if they don't. Vague and ambigious conversations about capacity and fire safety are going to land these owners in court.

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 14:05

Londonrach1 · 16/10/2025 13:47

Don't book again or go again. You were warned re numbers but choose to invite 13. The party is over don't think about it again

I don’t understand this- she was told she had to invite over 10 so invited 13. What extra info do you have that we don’t?

Katherine9 · 16/10/2025 14:03

Friendlygingercat · 16/10/2025 13:25

Regardless of what was said on the phone or what happened about numbers, you do not give a customer a dressing down in front of others. If she wished to discuss it she could have taken you on one side.

My favorite riposte for situations like this is📧

"I dont appreciate being spoken to like that. Didnt your parents teach you any social skills?"

or

"Clearly you were out of the room when they were teaching customer service skills"

Delivered in my best "teacher" voice.

You should finish this mind-blowing 'riposte' off with a 'tinkly mumsnet laugh'.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 14:03

TorroFerney · 16/10/2025 12:48

I think it perhaps showed or illustrated that the op was quite fixated on this, more than is needed whilst the owner who is a bit of a berk will have moved on. I do think it’s a little odd to have read receipts on, it’s like if they read and don’t reply you’ve somehow got further proof that they are terrible people or more proof that you are definitely in the right. It doesn’t work like that.

this business owner is not going to have the emotional intelligence to reflect and think yep we were both idiots daughter and I. If she was she wouldn’t have berated the op in the first place. The only “power” the op has is to not go back, but she’s not wanting to do that.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think I was fixated on it more that I’d just been given out to in the shop but didn’t want to reply loudly in front of one of the guests so I replied at home

OP posts:
nosleepforme · 16/10/2025 14:02

The party is finished. You’ve had the little rant and it’s all over.
why would you go back now to offer more money? She was unprofessional to bring it up, sounds like her staff massively exaggerated, but that’s nothing to do with you. Take it with a pinch of salt and move on.

Teathecolourofcreosote · 16/10/2025 14:01

I think that having had the conversation they probably expected you to lay the ground a bit with guests.

E.g to say the party room has limited space so it can be drop off, or 'there is a cafe on the ground floor ' or 'we may need to wait outside for part of the session'.

At five mine were happy to be left. I'd have stayed nearby in case needed (where I live there often distance that means it's not worth going home anyway) and gone for a walk and popped back in a couple of times.

The venue perhaps thought one or two parents of those who are more anxious or don't know the hosts so well to stay (hence the comment) but not all of them and not all of them inside the room itself.

housethatbuiltme · 16/10/2025 14:00

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

Edited

if a venue insists on a MINIMUM of 10 (fairly standard for kid party venues) that can't also be their maximum.

OP did what everyone does when their is a minimum requirement, its a MINIMUM.

What preschool venue doesn't expect parents to stay at a party... thats nuts.

Katherine9 · 16/10/2025 13:56

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:06

I put email but it was a different method of contact. I don’t put everything exact on here for a small amount of change in description. I don’t use read receipts on email but if people do that’s ok and I hope they are ok? I presume so. Are you ok 😂

Show quote history

You noted the time the 'communication' (email, text, whatever) was read at least twice on this thread, which in itself is weird. Then, you state 'I put email but it was a different method of contact', while complaining about crossed wires with a venue!

Is it possible it was actually you who didn't pay sufficient attention to detail?

NewHat · 16/10/2025 13:49

Catsknowbest · 16/10/2025 13:24

It wouldn't matter to me how much I had-previously- loved it there- this would prevent me ever going back again.

Me too. You can’t go back now, that ship has sailed.

Londonrach1 · 16/10/2025 13:47

Don't book again or go again. You were warned re numbers but choose to invite 13. The party is over don't think about it again

LandSharksAnonymous · 16/10/2025 13:43

She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off.

You were warned. Perhaps not explicitly, but you were warned. But you pressed ahead anyway.

They were unprofessional, but you were unreasonable to not have listened to their (very gentle) warning ahead of time.

I can't believe how many people have failed to realise you were told, you just chose not to listen.

BrieAndChilli · 16/10/2025 13:39

could some of the parents not have sat downstairs and had a drink? parents don't need to hover over 4 and 5 years olds - how do they manage at school?

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 16/10/2025 13:33

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

Edited

Why on earth would you not be surprised? There was no maximum number stated, it’s common practice to have parents stay at young children’s parties. The business should have requested more information if this was an issue before accepting the booking and taking the money. As for the the “stressed”‘weekend staff- I have no words

BananaPeels · 16/10/2025 13:30

Holycowhowmuch · 16/10/2025 13:23

Fire safety is a big consideration and much as you're a reasonable helpful person...insurance and public liability insurance would be compromised. Total loss of building value God forbid if anything happened. Anyway you said yourself you invited more . Let it go over your head and now you know xx staff were a bit squished and felt uncomfortable ...but that won't be the case in future. Take a big box of chocs with note saying my bad. Give it to whoever you think best. Smile x

Invited more than what? She had to invite more than the minimum. That’s the point of a minimum

MummyNeedsCoffee1 · 16/10/2025 13:28

It sounds like the venue didn’t think this through with regards to children’s parties, which automatically doubles/triples the number of people in the space. They need to be much clearer, e.g ‘minimum 10, maximum 20 ppl including adults’