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AIBU?

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Original poster

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

308 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
HevenlyMeS · 17/10/2025 19:13

Yes they should have respectfully, requested quietly, to converse in a compassionate manner, on a 1 2 1 basis
If they told you the numbers were ok, at the start, they shouldn't then go back on their word
Seems like they handled this immensely unprofessionally
God Bless You&Yours
I'm sure they won't be bringing it up again, because the problem predominantly lies with them agreeing the number 1 minute then changing their minds - They should feel embarrassed by the inconsistency in their supposed rules-
You're not responsible for that & I'm sure they won't wish to continuously embarrass a well valued, good paying loyal customer either! How would that make them look if they dared to do so?
Wishing You&Yours All The Utmost Very Best đź’š

Helen1625 · 17/10/2025 19:12

I think I would be tempted at this point to practice some assertive responses just in case they mention it again.

"Yes. Thank you. I heard you the first time."

"Perhaps your staff need to communicate with each other as it was cleared with X."

"Funny, I cleared up myself, can you let me know which member of staff it was that said they had to clear up after me? We could speak to them together and they can let me know what I missed "

"Your Insta post states X, member of staff stated X, so could you be clear on which of those versions I should believe then, for future reference?"

They sound as if they need to work on their customer service skills, to be honest.

londongirl12 · 17/10/2025 19:12

I wouldn’t engage with them any more. I assume it’s a kind of pottery place? We have one similar in my town. If they mention it again if you go there, say something along the line of “yeah, you should really sort your fire safety policy out so your customers are safe”. Don’t keep apologising as you’ve done nothing wrong. Push it back onto them.

freakingscared · 17/10/2025 18:59

1star review or a complaint to whoever gives their certification for safety will sort their behaviours once and for all !

CandidSnake · 17/10/2025 18:56

I don't mean to be rude because I haven't read all of the replies. Having worked in a venue that deals with party bookings, including children's parties you should have had to read and sign the terms and conditions of your booking. It would have clearly stated a maximum capacity. There is no way any reputable venue would allow you to book based on the information on a flyer. A booking form would have had to be filled in. It sounds like the manager was not forceful enough with her verbal communication about the booking initially, but I don't think you are telling the full story.

TheLemonLemur · 17/10/2025 18:55

They sound unprofessional not giving you a maximum number of people. However was it really only 1 parent per child or are we talking 20 odd adults plus the 13 kids? I would have thought for a craft party a few could have dropped off its not like they were running riot. When my son had parties at that age only mums I knew would stay classmates etc would just drop off and the 3 or 4 adults would keep an eye on the kids

queensonia · 17/10/2025 18:51

They all sound totally unprofessional and it reminds me of a woman I used to work for (that was also a family run business) who would scream at customers and then wonder why they never came back. You were not advised of a maximum capacity and the idea that her staff were traumatised and she had to pay them extra is just pure gaslighting on her part. She’s trying to blame you for her own lack of management skills. She sounds deranged and I wouldn’t give her my business again

BlueYazoo · 17/10/2025 18:47

Edited because my Friday brain clearly didn’t read the OP properly!

KookyRoseCrab · 17/10/2025 18:39

I’m sure it’s 1 adult to 4 children of that age ,

KissMyArt · 17/10/2025 18:36

independentfriend · 17/10/2025 18:21

I think this is an example of why parents shouldn't generally come with kids and stay at parties. With 13 four and five year olds you'd need about four adults to manage the group. No need to double the numbers in the room.

I'm of the '80/'90s view that young children's parties are childcare swaps for 2 - 2.5 hours of weekend afternoon and generally people should take advantage of it as free time.

It's entirely possible the person saying 'I understand' re parents wanting to stay was meaning 'I know some parents will stay whatever you say to them, whilst expecting most to not come'.

It's entirely possible the person saying 'I understand' re parents wanting to stay was meaning 'I know some parents will stay whatever you say to them, whilst expecting most to not come'.

But this is bollocks when you're running a business.

They need to be compliant with fire safety regulations and therefore the booking form should state the maximum amount allowed.

No ifs, no buts, no maybes.

Fire regulation compliance is not optional.

KissMyArt · 17/10/2025 18:33

swimlyn · 17/10/2025 18:13

“…No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure…”

You need to practise your comprehension here methinks.

Show quote history

Why? 🤔

GrimpeursDelight · 17/10/2025 18:25

It's their business and their insurance, therefore their responsibility to clearly tell people the maximum room capacity. Not to skirt around with 'it'll be a bit tight', but to have a clear process with clearly communicated minimum paid for places and maximum capacity. None of this is up to you to seek out or attempt to interpret, from their mis-communication.

independentfriend · 17/10/2025 18:21

I think this is an example of why parents shouldn't generally come with kids and stay at parties. With 13 four and five year olds you'd need about four adults to manage the group. No need to double the numbers in the room.

I'm of the '80/'90s view that young children's parties are childcare swaps for 2 - 2.5 hours of weekend afternoon and generally people should take advantage of it as free time.

It's entirely possible the person saying 'I understand' re parents wanting to stay was meaning 'I know some parents will stay whatever you say to them, whilst expecting most to not come'.

Grammarnut · 17/10/2025 18:19

Forget it, they were just being awkward. Though I find the fact that parents now stay with DC for a birthday party pretty weird. I have hosted (many years ago) 15 to 20 3-year-olds basically alone apart from slight help from ex-DH, in my house and it was fine. Why do parents have to stay? I always loved birthday invites - I got some time to myself!

Ratafia · 17/10/2025 18:14

wildfellhall · 16/10/2025 12:36

I think this sounds like both sides are responsible. If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them. I know how front of house always get a kicking when things go wrong.
you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want.
Obviously it is bad to be rude to customers but you were responsible for ignoring their guidelines. Regardless of the daughter’s assent - the guidelines are what the whole staff expect to be adhered to.
if you want more people then invite fewer guests!

What guidelines do you claim OP ignored? She wasn't given them any limit, she told them how many people would be coming, she was told it would be OK. How is she responsible?

swimlyn · 17/10/2025 18:13

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/10/2025 11:51

I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so.

If you want to keep going to the venue then just accept you shouldn’t have over-invited and wait for it to blow over and it all get forgotten, which it will be.

Edited

“…No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure…”

You need to practise your comprehension here methinks.

Lilywc · 17/10/2025 18:10

If you had read the post the op talked to the owners and they were ok with everything! It was the bloody minded helpers who did the stirring!
& by all accounts lied to get more wages!

Cherryicecreamx · 17/10/2025 18:05

I think you're only unreasonable for wanting to go back after that treatment. You were upfront from the start and they were very rude to not take you to one side to discuss any issues discreetly.
Definitely don't offer to pay the staff! That's on them. Why pay more for bad treatment? I think they need to be made aware of how unprofessional they were actually.

ForsterMcLennan · 17/10/2025 18:02

Wisterical · 16/10/2025 11:49

Don't give it another moment's thought, it's just something that happened, it's over now, move on.

Useful response 🙄

GreenCandleWax · 17/10/2025 17:56

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 16/10/2025 11:50

Frankly I would give them an honest review online and never give them another penny of my cash. They sound ridiculous..

And extremely unprofessional.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 17/10/2025 17:56

Why give them your continuing custom? They seem rude and money grabbing to me.

Calloja23 · 17/10/2025 17:55

Not the way to treat a paying customer and appalling customer service. Personally, I would’ve informed her that you had already cleared this with the younger Manager. I wouldn’t be giving them my further custom and money for any other function and I don’t think you should give them another thought.

Fabulously · 17/10/2025 17:52

honestly OP, I think your communication on this thread as been a bit difficult to understand. I appreciate you were juggling your kids, but I could totally envision the lack of clarity causing issues with the venue if you took the same approach.

EG during the organisation, I’d have clarified the limits and exact numbers. You broadly say minimum 10, you invited 13 & parents and thought that was fine. But could that have ended up with 13 kids and 13 adults present, so at least 26? Cause going from 10 minimum children to 26 total guests is a fairly large jump, where I could imagine the unclear communication leading to crossed wires & mixed messages.

Personally I would have done as you have and complained to the business about the loud, unprofessional reprimands. But I also wouldn’t expect anything professional to come from an unprofessional mother-daughter duo. I’d be prepared for them to ask me not to return & to end the business/customer relationship. They have no need to continue having you as a patron after all, they’re not a public company that you’re compelled to use.

YerArseInParsley · 17/10/2025 17:41

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

I think given the fact she repeated it again tells me she really wanted to let u know the maximum numbers that were allowed.

I wouldn't offer to pay anything she was probably just laying the guilt trip on thick. I also wouldn't book the venue again until the kids are at an age thst they don't need parents there. If a parent isn't allowed to stay u can stipulate that on the invitation next time so there's no awkwardness.

GlomOfNit · 17/10/2025 17:36

Was it a Paint Your Own Pottery 'venue', OP? Grin

Honestly they just sound really unprofessional. Thought it would be a nice mum and daughter little business to operate and are flying by the seat of their pants! Clearly fire safety maximums are important and they could invalidate their insurance or even license to operate with the public (do you need a license to run a DIY pottery cafe??) but that's their concern, not yours. You made it very clear to one of the owners that parents would be present and you presumably made it clear how many children were coming. They should have been clear on the hard maximum numbers and told you either you had to invite fewer (while paying for their 10 child minimum which is fair enough) or just cancel.

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