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AIBU?

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Original poster

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

308 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
ginasevern · 16/10/2025 12:35

@Lefthandedkitty

"Fire regs and insurance were compromised.
She would have been wiped out if someone had been injured or died if there'd been an incident.
Did every child have an adult with them? So there were 13 kids, plus yours, plus 14 adults in a room insured as suitable for (say) 20 people?
Not surprising she was upset."

I don't know what country you're posting from but in the UK it is entirely the responsibility of the venue to ensure that health & safety regulations along with fire and insurance stipulations are being met. When taking a booking the venue owner/manager asks the client a number of questions about the event - how many people attending is usually top of the list. The client is then asked to sign T&C's and the venue owner must satisfy themselves that they can accommodate all of the client's requirements in line with safety regulations. If they fail to do so, then they are in breach of just about every rule going and will find themsevles in court or prison. None of this is the job or responsbility of the client booking the venue!

SisterMargaretta · 16/10/2025 12:34

Lefthandedkitty · 16/10/2025 12:09

Fire regs and insurance were compromised.
She would have been wiped out if someone had been injured or died if there'd been an incident.
Did every child have an adult with them? So there were 13 kids, plus yours, plus 14 adults in a room insured as suitable for (say) 20 people?
Not surprising she was upset.

Well then the staff member who agreed it should be the one dealing with any concerns, not OP who has cleared everything with a staff member before the party.

OP you could either just ignore and make sure you never use the venue again or publish a review online detailing your experience.

kiwiane · 16/10/2025 12:32

The venue got it wrong - they shouldn’t have let you organise a crafts party for young children if they were expecting them to be left alone. They could’ve sorted it out before the date; now they’re bad mouthing you I think I’d have words - especially having staff say you were at fault and left a mess!

Firefly100 · 16/10/2025 12:31

You have done nothing wrong here.

  • they said minimum numbers, no maximum. You only invited 3 over minimum for goodness sake
  • when they raised parents as an issue, you told them parents were staying- they had the option to cancel your booking at that point if it were a problem.
  • they tried to make this your fault publicly, twice
I wouldn’t bother with emails, complaints etc. personally any further. If anyone dared to raise it again with me I would respond robustly that this was on them - publicly and loudly if that is what THEY choose. Offer to give them money? They should compensate you if anything.
LoveWine123 · 16/10/2025 12:31

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:28

I confirmed 13 children and said twice parents would be attending

Show quote history

If they knew the numbers when they took your money then they are unprofessional to bring this up again. I would be very quick to shut down any more talk about it and won't engage with them further.

NovemberMorn · 16/10/2025 12:28

ReceiveIt · 16/10/2025 12:02

I never understand why people post this. We need to talk over issues to air them out and get over them. However small and trivial it may seem to others, if it bothers the person it happened to they need to talk it out to move on.

Show quote history

I agree. /\

The venue owners were ridiculous, the poster did nothing wrong, but she was put in an embarrassing situation, not once, but twice.
I would be very annoyed, and I sure as hell would not give them another penny.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:28

LoveWine123 · 16/10/2025 12:28

What I find really bizarre is that neither side had a confirmed number of people that will be in the room. Did you not tell them the final number of guests (plus parents)? Of you had said 26 people will be in the room - 13 children and 13 parents, they would have pointed out that room is too small. If both sides had confirmed numbers none of this would have been an issue.

I confirmed 13 children and said twice parents would be attending

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 16/10/2025 12:28

What I find really bizarre is that neither side had a confirmed number of people that will be in the room. Did you not tell them the final number of guests (plus parents)? Of you had said 26 people will be in the room - 13 children and 13 parents, they would have pointed out that room is too small. If both sides had confirmed numbers none of this would have been an issue.

Justploddingonandon · 16/10/2025 12:27

Ah craft party makes a little more sense, as I find these tend to be marketed at older children where parents don't stay (apart from the organizer). They still should have stated a maximum though. The venue I booked for DD's party stated maximum of 5 adults, but as she's 10 that wasn't a problem as everyone dropped off. If she'd been 5 I'd have read that and booked elsewhere.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:27

Spirallingdownwards · 16/10/2025 12:24

I wouldn't expect a reply. You have set out your position. They will no doubt just have read it and shrugged.

Try not to dwell on it. It's no longer worth your headspace.

Show quote history

Thankyou. I thought it was all done too until I got an earful this morning in the shop. Anyway I can’t change anything

OP posts:
Justploddingonandon · 16/10/2025 12:27

Ah craft party makes a little more sense, as I find these tend to be marketed at older children where parents don't stay (apart from the organizer). They still should have stated a maximum though. The venue I booked for DD's party stated maximum of 5 adults, but as she's 10 that wasn't a problem as everyone dropped off. If she'd been 5 I'd have read that and booked elsewhere.

Americano75 · 16/10/2025 12:27

I'd be going through them for their shitty attitude and correcting the blatant lies their 'traumatised' staff had fed them.

TorroFerney · 16/10/2025 12:26

Spirallingdownwards · 16/10/2025 12:24

I wouldn't expect a reply. You have set out your position. They will no doubt just have read it and shrugged.

Try not to dwell on it. It's no longer worth your headspace.

Show quote history

Agree. You are overthinking it, the time to have had that conversation was when she was banging on at you. Just because someone says something doesn’t mean they are right, framing it as being told off makes me think you’ve got a bit of a backstory people pleaser/ over explainer? Doesn’t like people to think you have done something wrong?

TypeyMcTypeface · 16/10/2025 12:26

The venue owners should have been clear about the maximum capacity for the room and stuck to it. That's not difficult - they could even add 'parents accompanying children must be counted in the maximum total' to avoid any doubt.

Their vagueness has caused this issue and they have behaved unprofessionally about the whole thing.

AmyDudley · 16/10/2025 12:26

I think these people have confused the meanings of 'minimum' and 'maximum'.

Spirallingdownwards · 16/10/2025 12:24

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:59

My email was read 45 mins ago. Once (if) she replies I will update the thread

I wouldn't expect a reply. You have set out your position. They will no doubt just have read it and shrugged.

Try not to dwell on it. It's no longer worth your headspace.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:23

BoredZelda · 16/10/2025 12:23

If they said minimum ten but no maximum, I wouldn’t expect a kids party with parents to be over booked. If there is a maximum, they should state it.

Show quote history

Sorry 13 kids including mine. And some kids were siblings so only had 1 parent

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 16/10/2025 12:23

Lefthandedkitty · 16/10/2025 12:09

Fire regs and insurance were compromised.
She would have been wiped out if someone had been injured or died if there'd been an incident.
Did every child have an adult with them? So there were 13 kids, plus yours, plus 14 adults in a room insured as suitable for (say) 20 people?
Not surprising she was upset.

If they said minimum ten but no maximum, I wouldn’t expect a kids party with parents to be over booked. If there is a maximum, they should state it.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:20

ittakes2 · 16/10/2025 12:17

I’m sorry but if you think yourself described the room ‘was a slight squeeze” and considering the party was for 4-5 year olds so likely kids running around - then there were too many people and likely went over fire and safety room numbers.
the min is not the min you can take - its the min you pay for. So if you invited 9 you would still pay for 10.
I think thought to be fair to you the owners should have said no more than X people in the room at a time that’s what we are insured for sort of thing

No one was running around. It was a craft party.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 16/10/2025 12:20

theemmadilemma · 16/10/2025 11:55

Sounds like a typical small mother and daughter run business where they don't know professional or their arse from their elbow.

Either they know what their fire safety allows and stick to it, or they don't, but it sounds like even they aren't sure what they're supposed to do or how to handle it.

Careful, your misogyny is showing.

Halloweeeeeeeeen · 16/10/2025 12:18

They need to state if there is a maximum, it is standard for a parent to stay at that age. They will have repeat of this issue unless they make it clear. Horrible and rude, I would be telling everyone I knew!

ForgetTheTomatoes · 16/10/2025 12:18

Lefthandedkitty · 16/10/2025 12:09

Fire regs and insurance were compromised.
She would have been wiped out if someone had been injured or died if there'd been an incident.
Did every child have an adult with them? So there were 13 kids, plus yours, plus 14 adults in a room insured as suitable for (say) 20 people?
Not surprising she was upset.

Then they should stipulate the maximum number of persons for that room before someone books. Young children will be accompanied by parents, some children have additional needs that means a parent will always be present.

This is what happens when there are wishy washy comments by the staff before it was booked and when everyone was admitted. They didn't say specifically that the room can only accommodate 20 people or whatever.

Having been to many of these parties, the room usually had a notice both inside and outside about the maximum occupancy and the place advertised the different rooms and how many people they could accommodate in total. All very clear.

ittakes2 · 16/10/2025 12:17

I’m sorry but if you think yourself described the room ‘was a slight squeeze” and considering the party was for 4-5 year olds so likely kids running around - then there were too many people and likely went over fire and safety room numbers.
the min is not the min you can take - its the min you pay for. So if you invited 9 you would still pay for 10.
I think thought to be fair to you the owners should have said no more than X people in the room at a time that’s what we are insured for sort of thing

squeaver · 16/10/2025 12:17

They just need to say what is the maximum number of people they'll allow. Very easy fix for them and absolutely not your problem.

(I haver to say there is quite a big difference between 10 4-year-olds plus a couple of adults and 13 4-year-olds plus 13 adults in what I'm assuming is one of those sweaty party rooms in a soft play...)

ginasevern · 16/10/2025 12:16

@ComtesseDeSpair
"I’m not surprised they were annoyed with you: for fire safety reasons the room has a maximum capacity, you over-invited and thus it was above capacity. You feeling uncomfortable about having to have this explained to you doesn’t mean that they were wrong to do so."

The booking conditions clearly stated a minimum of ten and no maximum. The OP also informed the owner on two seperate occasions of the number attending. The fact that the owner suggested a client should help evacuate in the event of fire (along with their obviously chaotic system of taking bookings) tells me this venue should be investigated by the Health & Safety Executive.