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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The venue told me off twice now on front of guests AIBU?

308 replies

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 11:45

There is a venue near my house that we visit regularly. They also host children’s parties in a room upstairs. My child really likes it here and wanted her birthday. No issue. I got a leaflet and said 10 children minimum, I booked and decided to invite 13, to make sure we hit the target room booking number in case a couple couldn’t come.
anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only
children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated.

fast forward to party day, it was on a weekend therefore it was 2 members of staff I had never met. Went up to party room and everyone invited had turned up. It was a slight squeeze but no drama, everyone had a great time. 10
mins in a member of staff working there came up and said loudly
in front of guests, “this is a fire hazard there are too many people in here. We can’t get in to do our job properly”. I asked to speak to her out of the room and away from the guests as it was quite embarrassing! She said she had to ring manager (adult daughter owner). I went back to the party room and a dad awkwardly said he could leave but his daughter would have to come if there were issues. I’m not sure how many others clocked on to this situation. Manager rang and asked to speak to me, she said on the phone that it was more people than recommended but if I was willing to help evacuate during a fire it was fine. All ok. Other weekend member of staff very apologetic but had made things awkward. Dad who offered to leave called her dramatic so he realised her tone. I felt on edge for the rest of the party but everyone seemed to have a great time.

A week later, (this morning) I bobbed in seeing a friend in the window. She had brought her other daughter after the one invited to my party had such a great time. the older woman (other owner) I never met was there, I untraced myself and she told me “OH ARE YOU THE PARTY LADY” and went on to tell me it was horrendous and a fire hazard and too many people were in the room. She said her staff were traumatised with stress and had to be paid extra due to this and the fact they had to stay and clear up after us (where actually I ended up happily hosting the party and completely cleared up. Plus took everything downstairs and boxed things which they would usually have to do). I tried to keep her voice down as the lady behind attended the party and it was awkward. I’ve gone home quite frazzled and stressed. This is somewhere we love
to go. We made it clear on numbers from the start and they were happy
to take our money and book in. What do I do from here? Offer to pay the staff? I’m worried to book again and we really enjoy it here. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
BreadstickBurglar · 16/10/2025 12:54

Lauren1983 · 16/10/2025 12:48

They are completely in the wrong. They need to state a maximum and make clear that includes any parents who wish to stay. They owe you an apology, not the other way round.

I agree and they’ve been baffling here. If 9 is too few and 26ish is too many, what’s the right number? When I’ve booked places they’ve been crystal clear “the room capacity is 30”. They need to have this info provided for hirers and then they wouldn’t have any confusion.

PixieandMe · 16/10/2025 12:53

If the adult daughter agreed to 26 people in the room, then this is her fault.

'Traumatised.' I mean, really. 😂

You should not pay them anything extra.

If you love going there, I would just remain calm and stick to the facts. It is for this woman to take up with her daughter. Tell them how much you love going there and you really do not want the relationship with them to be affected by this misunderstanding.

mummymissessunshine · 16/10/2025 12:53

I wouldn’t attend an event there again if it was me. They sound like an uninsured disaster waiting to happen and so I would avoid the whole place.

sorry.

popcornandpotatoes · 16/10/2025 12:49

Don't give it anymore thought and don't use it for a party again. We used a venue we were quite familiar with and acquaintances with the owner for dd's 6th birthday, on the day turns out there was also a wedding and they'd use our room to store loads of stacks of chairs. Wtf. They did eventually move them and all was fine but I won't use it again

ginasevern · 16/10/2025 12:49

@wildfellhall "you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want."

I don't know why people can't seem to read the OP properly. She didn't ignore the guidelines because there weren't any bloody guidelines! The brochure said a minimum of 10 but no maximum. It is entirely the responsibility of the venue owner to ensure that health & safety regulations are met on their premises, otherwise they are breaking the law.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/10/2025 12:48

26 is quite a way over 10.

Which is why when the venue were told there was 13 children with a parent each they should have stipulated the room capacity.

Lauren1983 · 16/10/2025 12:48

They are completely in the wrong. They need to state a maximum and make clear that includes any parents who wish to stay. They owe you an apology, not the other way round.

TorroFerney · 16/10/2025 12:48

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 16/10/2025 12:36

Are YOU actually ok? Honestly, what an immense overreaction to how someone manages their emails, perhaps a lie down in a dark room would be a good idea before that vein in your forehead explodes

Show quote history

I think it perhaps showed or illustrated that the op was quite fixated on this, more than is needed whilst the owner who is a bit of a berk will have moved on. I do think it’s a little odd to have read receipts on, it’s like if they read and don’t reply you’ve somehow got further proof that they are terrible people or more proof that you are definitely in the right. It doesn’t work like that.

this business owner is not going to have the emotional intelligence to reflect and think yep we were both idiots daughter and I. If she was she wouldn’t have berated the op in the first place. The only “power” the op has is to not go back, but she’s not wanting to do that.

CallBackPlease · 16/10/2025 12:48

So many people don’t read the OP properly. It’s frustrating!

LilacReader · 16/10/2025 12:47

StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:40

But there wasn’t a maximum number given otherwise I would have been easier to manage. So I’m not sure which guidelines ?

Are other posters confusing you too?! is there another way to say there were NO, absolutely NO guidelines on maximum number of guests only minimum. You didn't miss anything or ignore anything - they should have realised their mistake and just ensured they didn't let it happen again.

Nothing is on you OP. Good luck x

Kimura · 16/10/2025 12:47

wildfellhall · 16/10/2025 12:36

I think this sounds like both sides are responsible. If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them. I know how front of house always get a kicking when things go wrong.
you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want.
Obviously it is bad to be rude to customers but you were responsible for ignoring their guidelines. Regardless of the daughter’s assent - the guidelines are what the whole staff expect to be adhered to.
if you want more people then invite fewer guests!

If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them.

Read the thread -

  • There was no maximum capacity stated
  • OP confirmed 13 kids + parents multiple times

If OP's booking was over capacity, it shouldn't have been accepted at the booking stage. It is the venue's responsibility to manage this.

If the room was over capacity on the day, the venue staff should have stopped the event and made parents leave the space. Again, nobody's responsibility but theirs. If something bad had happened the blame would have absolutely fallen on them, as it should. It would likely have invalidated their insurance too.

cgwdwnmi · 16/10/2025 12:47

anyway, went to a different event there and spoke to the owner, (it’s owned by an older woman and her adult daughter, I was speaking to the adult daughter during all interactions so far). She mentioned that due to room size it was best that only children came and had to be dropped off. The children attending are age 4-5 so I said it wouldn’t be appropriate and that parents would be staying. She said, “I totally understand. I have kids too”. No issue. Ned time I came in the same conversation was repeated

This is where the venue's communication was unclear. The adult daughter should have said that there was a maximum number of guests allowed due to fire regulations and not this wishy washy stuff about "it's best if only children come".
There will be a maximum number due to fire regulations and the weekend staff were right to raise it but the issue was caused by the owner.

I wouldn't book a party with them again. I'd have also written an email saying that you weren't made aware of a maximum number due to fire regulations and that the venue should make this clean on leaflets and when communication with customers.

RaininSummer · 16/10/2025 12:46

They were very unclear and rude.

Bumblebee72 · 16/10/2025 12:46

ARichtGoodDram · 16/10/2025 11:55

They sound like shit venue owners. If 10 minimum is on their leaflet then they should have a maximum if their maximum is not far over that.

Sounds like they are maximising income with a minimum level that's far too close to the room max capacity.

26 is quite a way over 10.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:45

I’ve just checked and it says on their Instagram , “our party room is available for groups of 10 or more”.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 16/10/2025 12:45

wildfellhall · 16/10/2025 12:36

I think this sounds like both sides are responsible. If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them. I know how front of house always get a kicking when things go wrong.
you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want.
Obviously it is bad to be rude to customers but you were responsible for ignoring their guidelines. Regardless of the daughter’s assent - the guidelines are what the whole staff expect to be adhered to.
if you want more people then invite fewer guests!

There was no guidelines for the Op to ignore. They said minimum of 10. When the owner said about parents she didn't actually say "you can only have 12 people" or "20 is the limits for fire regs".

This is entirely on the venue owners.

CallBackPlease · 16/10/2025 12:45

Crazy they didn’t stipulate a max. After more money I guess. Hope they have learnt from this.

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:43

JustOnePersonNotAnOctopus · 16/10/2025 12:41

Are you absolutely sure the flyer said “minimum 10” not “maximum 10” just seems really odd.

But if you’re sure, then yes make a complaint about their behaviour.

100%. Price for room hire then price pre person with a minimum of 10 per booking.

OP posts:
JustOnePersonNotAnOctopus · 16/10/2025 12:41

Are you absolutely sure the flyer said “minimum 10” not “maximum 10” just seems really odd.

But if you’re sure, then yes make a complaint about their behaviour.

JustOnePersonNotAnOctopus · 16/10/2025 12:40

theemmadilemma · 16/10/2025 11:55

Sounds like a typical small mother and daughter run business where they don't know professional or their arse from their elbow.

Either they know what their fire safety allows and stick to it, or they don't, but it sounds like even they aren't sure what they're supposed to do or how to handle it.

URGH, “typical small mother and daughter run business” yes aren’t women such silly billies!

Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:40

But there wasn’t a maximum number given otherwise I would have been easier to manage. So I’m not sure which guidelines ?

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedPartyFail · 16/10/2025 12:39

wildfellhall · 16/10/2025 12:36

I think this sounds like both sides are responsible. If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them. I know how front of house always get a kicking when things go wrong.
you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want.
Obviously it is bad to be rude to customers but you were responsible for ignoring their guidelines. Regardless of the daughter’s assent - the guidelines are what the whole staff expect to be adhered to.
if you want more people then invite fewer guests!

That’s all fair enough!

OP posts:
tara66 · 16/10/2025 12:39

I imagine it may have something to do with their insurance policy, in case of any accident - if there are more people in the party room than stipulated on the policy, they may not be covered?

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 16/10/2025 12:36

Darragon · 16/10/2025 12:04

Why on earth are you using read receipts on personal emails? Or any for that matter? They don’t prove someone read it, they prove someone clicked a popup to make it go away before getting to see the message that the inbox might have defaulted to while they were actually trying to get to another message to deal with! And god knows what they do for the many people not using outlook. Are you actually ok?!

Show quote history

Are YOU actually ok? Honestly, what an immense overreaction to how someone manages their emails, perhaps a lie down in a dark room would be a good idea before that vein in your forehead explodes

wildfellhall · 16/10/2025 12:36

I think this sounds like both sides are responsible. If there is a limit / you can’t just ignore it. The staff probably feared, quite understandably, that if anything bad happened then the blame would fall on them. I know how front of house always get a kicking when things go wrong.
you can’t just ignore guidelines because you want what you want.
Obviously it is bad to be rude to customers but you were responsible for ignoring their guidelines. Regardless of the daughter’s assent - the guidelines are what the whole staff expect to be adhered to.
if you want more people then invite fewer guests!