Page 10 | I don't like how people tend to speak to their children

BeWaryFinch · 2025-10-11T18:08:03+00:00

Fairly sure if another adult spoke to you the way that you speak to your children you would not like it. 'put your shoes on now' 'go to bed now' 'get in the car now' many other examples, or changing your tone of voice to be different than if you were speaking to another adult. Why do parents do this.

doreuol · 11/10/2025 21:19

OP just have another glass of wine and distract yourself with a word search puzzle !
FWIW my children who are now fully functioning adults responded to’just do as you are told ‘ …worked 99% each time!

Ghhbiuj · 11/10/2025 21:18

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 21:09

I know enough to get an autistic 6 year old out of the house in under 10 minutes

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Kids listen to someone different and play up to those they trust and love. They think they need to gain your trust, they behave better

MCF86 · 11/10/2025 21:18

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 20:47

I believe children should be spoken to as you would speak any other adult person. Yes you would not tell an adult to put their shoes on. If you ask nicely and they don't do it then they don't want to do it. If you are having screen battles dont give your child a personal ipad or console in the first place? Maybe look at the root reasons that a child doesnt want to do something or would prefer to do something else. You would not stand there and demand an adult eats their dinner if they dont like it? Should be free to choose what they want to eat. I think parents are the ones making things more difficult than they have to be. I have been reading about mental health and you need to listen to your own cues and energy levels, letting children listen to themselves and what they want to do is how they learn to do that. Maybe they need some time out. I persuaded a friends 6 year old to get in the car by offering him chocolate coins, and she could not understand how I had done it because she usually battled with him. Intimidating your children and scaring them into compliance which is what you are doing by shouting at them is wrong apart from in a life threatening or dangerous situation like being in the road, there are few reasons you would need to demand your child do anything and I think this will be one of the things that are looked at in the future about what was wrong with parenting in this generation.

Edited

So barefoot and full of chocolate every time you need to take them anywhere. Thanks for the tip 👍🏼

Bubbles332 · 11/10/2025 21:17

Children don’t benefit from being overloaded with language when they are dysregulated, eg when they don’t want to put their shoes on. Short and simple instructions are best.

peanutbuttertoasty · 11/10/2025 21:17

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 20:59

You can put their shoes in a bag to take with them if they decide they want to wear them at school. The local authority would probably try to throw you in jail if your child didn't go to school so I would just try to be really positive about school with things to look forward to and persuasive, and even bribery. To be honest I don't have my own child but I spend a lot of time with a friend and their child who is really difficult and I managed to get them out of the house to places

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You don’t have your own child? No shit!

Youll be unaware then that they can be complete little shits with their parents and absolute angels with others. I wouldn’t praise your ‘parenting style’ too highly. Of course they do things for chocolate 😆

I suggest you save this thread to look back on if you do have kids so you can cringe to high heaven.

Otherwise, excellent trolling.

Icreatedausernameyippee · 11/10/2025 21:17

I believe children should be spoken to as you would speak any other adult person. Yes you would not tell an adult to put their shoes on.

Do you not have a husband? Or mother?

Spookyspaghetti · 11/10/2025 21:16

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 20:59

You can put their shoes in a bag to take with them if they decide they want to wear them at school. The local authority would probably try to throw you in jail if your child didn't go to school so I would just try to be really positive about school with things to look forward to and persuasive, and even bribery. To be honest I don't have my own child but I spend a lot of time with a friend and their child who is really difficult and I managed to get them out of the house to places

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And what about people who don’t have cars?

You aren’t really supposed to use sweets as a reward anymore as it sets them up for unhealthy associations with food in later life.

Studies show that what benefits most NT children is structure, routine, and clear rules and expectations. If you just let them do what they want on a whim, especially young children who are still learning to identify their emotions they will have no structure and they will also miss out on things that, as the adult parent, you know they will enjoy once they have had time to regulate their emotions or identify the reason for a meltdown e.g. hangrey.

It does them a real disservice to put no boundaries or expectations in place as it will also lead to feelings of insecurity and make it much more likely they will struggle with decision making and appropriate emotional responses in later life.

I say this as a ‘gentle parent.’ There are times to let them make choices: ‘do you want the cheese sandwich or egg sandwich?’ And times to put clear expectations in place so you can all benefit from your day: ‘you can put your shoes on now or I will do it!’

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/10/2025 21:15

Figcherry · 11/10/2025 19:14

My dc are adults and what I notice now is the phrase ‘use your words.’

My little dgn was only 20 months and at a tediously long wedding reception being a bit whiny.
Her dm and dgm both kept saying use your words.
At 20 months she didn’t have the words to say ‘I’m tired, bored and my frilly dress is not comfy.

‘Use your words’ is a bloody annoying expression anyway.

Toothpastestain · 11/10/2025 21:15

Chocolate and cars and children do not mix.
I'm all for bribery - it has it's place, but the OP clearly hasn't a clue about child care.

justasking111 · 11/10/2025 21:15

I'd forgotten it was the weekend. MN goes off the rails topic wise. Between the teenagers, journos and AI it's hard work.

SouthernNights59 · 11/10/2025 21:14

MrsMiagi · 11/10/2025 19:10

I take it you dont have children 😂

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I don't have children and even I think OP is living in another world 😂

Reallynotsure25 · 11/10/2025 21:13

DameEdnaAverage2 · 11/10/2025 19:12

If an adult annoyed me the way my son does, I'd headbutt them...so I think my son's getting a good deal with me just being a grumpy bitch.

😂

Zapx · 11/10/2025 21:12

“Maybe look at the root reasons that a child doesnt want to do something or would prefer to do something else.”

Well they don’t always want to clean their teeth. Something about it being boring of something. Should I give them chocolate coins after they do it? 🤣🤣

21ZIGGY · 11/10/2025 21:12

And this is the saturday night batshittery that we expect

DingDongJingle · 11/10/2025 21:12

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 21:09

I know enough to get an autistic 6 year old out of the house in under 10 minutes

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Using bribery. Have you not considered that the reason parents try not to resort to bribery is because it’s not an effective long term strategy? Yeah, you got him in the car. Next time, he may well refuse to get in the car until he gets chocolate.
I have an autistic 6 year old too. I try my best not to use bribery, as it won’t help in the long run.

realsavagelike · 11/10/2025 21:12

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 21:09

I know enough to get an autistic 6 year old out of the house in under 10 minutes

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Autistic is a red herring. My son’s autistic best friend is an ardent rule follower and is devastated by the thought of getting into trouble.

standtallskyfall · 11/10/2025 21:11

Ohhhh OP, bless your little cotton socks 😂😂😂

Mushrump · 11/10/2025 21:11

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 21:09

I know enough to get an autistic 6 year old out of the house in under 10 minutes

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Yes, dear. And a parent may have had to do the same thing hundreds of times since that child woke up that morning. And rinse and repeat, every single day.

changedwoman123 · 11/10/2025 21:11

The only time I have ever spoken to my children like that is when I am very stressed or for whatever reason we are running late - otherwise goodness no.

Original poster

BeWaryFinch · 11/10/2025 21:09

Mushrump · 11/10/2025 21:02

OP, respectfully, parenting is a very different thing to occasionally persuading someone else’s child to do something. I’d save my blushes and stop pontificating on a topic about which it is self-evident you know nothing.

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I know enough to get an autistic 6 year old out of the house in under 10 minutes

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 11/10/2025 21:08

If they decide they want to wear shoes? Op you're hilarious

Rainbows41 · 11/10/2025 21:07

Talk to your kids how you would talk to an adult and see how far you get,
You: pointing at your watch "we should probably think about leaving"
Kid: "no".
Now what?!
Me:"go and put your shoes on, we're leaving now!"
Kid: "ok, fine!"

Holluschickie · 11/10/2025 21:06

DameEdnaAverage2 · 11/10/2025 21:05

Aye, well, we all start out rubbing our bumps, dreaming of being Mary Poppins but, the sad reality for most of us is, we turn into Miss Hannigan from Annie - bathtub full of gin bottles, crying and singing about how much we hate the little shits. C'est la vie.

So true😂

Doorbellsandknockers · 11/10/2025 21:05

Holluschickie · 11/10/2025 21:03

Everything after " I don't have my own child" is irrelevant.
With your methods, we would all be dead of old age before our kids went to school.

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Nah it would be fine. Mine responds well to chocolate coins.

RangiroaDive · 11/10/2025 21:05

Oh man I just read you dont have your own child....