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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

180 replies

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 22:51

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:42

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:39

You have completely misunderstood and interpreted shat i have said.

I was at home today. He was out but I mentioned it. He asked for the number and I sent it. Yoj asked why I hadnt previously given it to him. There was no reason to.

Show quote history

I haven’t misunderstood anything. Nothing you’ve just stated contradicts anything in the comment to which you just responded.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:41

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:38

I don't think I need to justify.

Show quote history

You don’t need to do anything. However, you’ve asked if you’re being unreasonable. From the information you’ve provided, yes. YABVVU.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:39

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:36

You had received multiple calls from the same number over a two year period and were threatening to report the number. Yet, at no point in this period did you, in conversation with your husband, go ‘this is is the number, does it look familiar?’ until he randomly messaged you and asked for it (for no stated reason). Because you’re an independent woman.

Okay, then.

Show quote history

You have completely misunderstood and interpreted shat i have said.

I was at home today. He was out but I mentioned it. He asked for the number and I sent it. Yoj asked why I hadnt previously given it to him. There was no reason to.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:38

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:31

If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

For TWO YEARS?! Why?!

I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

How was this more rational to you than just blocking?

Show quote history

I don't think I need to justify.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:36

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:29

No. I am an independent woman. I don't need to show my husband every missed call. I had mentioned it previously. We are both pretty busy tbh and like passing ships. But he isnt my protector, I wouldn't automatically send him the number, why would I? I have asked about numbers in the past when he has been away in the past on lads holidays and I had missed calls and on occasion it has been someone whose phone he used. On the whole we have all the same friends and I have their numbers. I have a number saved for my MIL.

Show quote history

You had received multiple calls from the same number over a two year period and were threatening to report the number. Yet, at no point in this period did you, in conversation with your husband, go ‘this is is the number, does it look familiar?’ until he randomly messaged you and asked for it (for no stated reason). Because you’re an independent woman.

Okay, then.

ExtraOnions · 07/10/2025 23:32

Over the last few years you have had some calls, maybe a dozen (but you don’t seem to specify a number) from an unknown number, which turned out to be your MIL from a new number - this is neither stalking or harrasment.

The whole thing is bizzare - the ONLY times your MIL called, you were unable to pick up, and, you never spoke to her, on the phone, any other times. You also never blocked the unexpected number .

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/10/2025 23:32

Do your texts show as read?

I know my mum uses WhatsApp but if someone sent her a regular SMS she wouldn't have a clue where to look for it. That might especially be the case if your MIL switched to a new phone/number?

Also, I'm guessing based on this that you haven't spoken to your MIL on the phone in two years. Would that be unusual? If she was ringing you regularly, that implies that you'd normally have contact by phone.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:31

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:26

Ok. Look up the definition.

I googled the number it didnt come up. My phone didn't block it as spam. If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

Show quote history

If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

For TWO YEARS?! Why?!

I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

How was this more rational to you than just blocking?

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:30

BellissimoGecko · 07/10/2025 23:26

How bizarre. Why not leave a message? Why not answer when you call her back? The whole thing is very odd.

How do you usually get on with her?

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:29

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:26

And at no point during all this did you either block the number or show it to your husband?

Show quote history

No. I am an independent woman. I don't need to show my husband every missed call. I had mentioned it previously. We are both pretty busy tbh and like passing ships. But he isnt my protector, I wouldn't automatically send him the number, why would I? I have asked about numbers in the past when he has been away in the past on lads holidays and I had missed calls and on occasion it has been someone whose phone he used. On the whole we have all the same friends and I have their numbers. I have a number saved for my MIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:26

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:24

I’m not really understanding why you didn’t just block the number after the first few times. It’s odd, but why do you care so much? And how is this ‘stalking’?

Ok. Look up the definition.

I googled the number it didnt come up. My phone didn't block it as spam. If it isn’t immediately identifiable as spam then I would not block it.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:26

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:24

Every month sometimes more than once a month. There was a couple.of months with zero calls but not once a year, no.

Show quote history

And at no point during all this did you either block the number or show it to your husband?

BellissimoGecko · 07/10/2025 23:26

How bizarre. Why not leave a message? Why not answer when you call her back? The whole thing is very odd.

How do you usually get on with her?

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:24

arethereanyleftatall · 07/10/2025 23:19

You haven’t answered the frequency of the calls question op which is hugely relevant. ‘For two years’ doesn’t mean anything. Once a year for 2 years? Once a minute for 2 years?

Every month sometimes more than once a month. There was a couple.of months with zero calls but not once a year, no.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:24

I’m not really understanding why you didn’t just block the number after the first few times. It’s odd, but why do you care so much? And how is this ‘stalking’?

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:22

YouMightLikeCats · 07/10/2025 23:14

Sorry, you're saying for two solid years your MIL has been calling you and you've never managed to answer it and speak to her? Because it's always during work hours?

Yes, I have a very busy full on job with back to back meetings and I also do not get singal all the time in my building. When I have left work I have called back and no answer! She knows my number then no call for days/weeks/months nor would she say she rang/didn’t get hold of me.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 07/10/2025 23:19

You haven’t answered the frequency of the calls question op which is hugely relevant. ‘For two years’ doesn’t mean anything. Once a year for 2 years? Once a minute for 2 years?

Livelovebehappy · 07/10/2025 23:16

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:02

Thank you. That is what I thought. I honestly don't know how I will bring it up without looking like a b.

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But you don’t have to look (or act) like a ‘B’. Just a simple nicely worded ‘hey mil, DH has said a number that’s been calling me belongs to you? I didn’t know you’d changed your number, and just curious as didn’t receive responses to my messages?’. Just say it in a none confrontational tone, and drama over.

YouMightLikeCats · 07/10/2025 23:14

Sorry, you're saying for two solid years your MIL has been calling you and you've never managed to answer it and speak to her? Because it's always during work hours?

burningorb · 07/10/2025 23:06

Just block the number.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:04

He won't. He has the number. She must have changed her number and nobody gave it to me. Not sure why she wouldn't mention it. It feels like an intentional act tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:04

AdoraBell · 07/10/2025 23:02

Get your DH to deal with his mother and find out why she’s using a different number calling you.

He won't. He has the number. She must have changed her number and nobody gave it to me. Not sure why she wouldn't mention it. It feels like an intentional act tbh

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 07/10/2025 23:02

Get your DH to deal with his mother and find out why she’s using a different number calling you.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:02

terriblemuriel2 · 07/10/2025 22:59

I wouldn’t call it stalking but it is weird that she hasn’t answered the phone or replied to your texts. I’d have a word with her in person before you jump to more sinister assumptions though.

Thank you. That is what I thought. I honestly don't know how I will bring it up without looking like a b.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:01

BellissimoGecko · 07/10/2025 22:57

How many calls are we talking? Unless it’s hundreds, I’d have thought that reporting them was a bit off.

Awkward. How do you usually get on with your MIL?

It has gone on for 24 months. I have tried to call back. Calls always occur when I am in work where I dont get singal. She is retired and glued to her phone because she is always talking on it.

OP posts: