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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

180 replies

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 22:51

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

OP posts:
Owly11 · 08/10/2025 07:41

Sorry but she has called you once a month on average? That’s not stalking or harassing. She calls you, you don’t answer because you are at work and she doesn’t call again. No big deal. I agree it would have been polite for her to reply to your message but it sounds more like she is not very au fait with mobile phone etiquette. If she is from a generation that grew up without phones perhaps she treats it more like a landline. Or perhaps she is just thoughtless and after you don’t answer she rings your dh to speak with him instead and then doesn’t consider the impact on you. If you go into the situation saying she is stalking you then you are escalating it way out of proportion. Just raise it in a more neutral, curious way.

ghostyslovesheets · 08/10/2025 07:40

How odd

Wherethewildthingsfart · 08/10/2025 07:38

I would imagine that your MIL is feeling very confused too. Every time she calls or texts you you threaten to ‘report her’. 😂

I am an independent woman. I don't need to show my husband every missed call.

Missed calls or stalking?

Zempy · 08/10/2025 07:29

Block the number and limit contact with her.

Mightymooo · 08/10/2025 07:23

The whole thing is really wierd, but as she's only calling once or twice a month and you know who it is I'd probably just ignore it from here on to be honest. Unless your DH could ask her what she's playing at? I'm amazed she's kept it up for two years. Is she lonely/bored or generally a bit odd?

NeonFish · 08/10/2025 07:01

You've been asked by a few posters what your relationship is like with MIL, you've pointedly not answered it. Why is that?

Mere1 · 08/10/2025 07:00

TeddySchnauzer · 07/10/2025 22:55

Huh? How on earth is she ‘stalking’ you by simply calling from a different number than that which you have saved for her?! Talk about hyperbole, my god.

I agree.

ThatLemonBear · 08/10/2025 06:50

YABU for branding approx 1 missed call a month “stalking and harassment”, and also for not just blocking thr number if it was bothering you

JillyGiraffe · 08/10/2025 06:42

How often do you see her? Are you only asking ‘who is this?’ when you get a missed call and is that every time?

WannabeEDIOfficer · 08/10/2025 06:31

Not stalking and harassment. What us your relationship like with your MIL?

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 06:31

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 01:53

This is obviously a silly question that I may have clearly missed but did you bring it up with her when you saw her?

Show quote history

Obviously not. I only mentioned it today found out last night at 9pm. I ahe not seen her since

OP posts:
Motnight · 08/10/2025 06:17

176509user · 08/10/2025 02:48

I think the most sensible approach to this would be to call your MIL on her landline and ask in a light hearted manner, why she never told you she’d changed her mobile number. Better still, see her in person.

“ Hi MIL, I’ve been getting these daily phone calls for 2 years and unable to reply coz they always ring when I’m at work. I’ve not been able to suss who it is and thought I was being stalked !!( laughs).
DS says it’s your number.”

Then play it all down a bit as if you’re assuming she’s a bit of an old technophobe who might need help working her phone.

But the calls aren't daily, more like monthly ...

watermybegonias · 08/10/2025 06:02

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 01:15

Obviously not. I only mentioned it today

Show quote history

Then you can’t have truly been feeling ‘harassed’.

I think it is offensive for you to label this as ‘stalking and harassment’ and must seem awful for anyone who has genuinely been a victim of such crimes.

I think you are either being a DQ or are making the whole thing up.

Toomanywaterbottles · 08/10/2025 05:52

I think your behaviour is more odd than hers, to be honest.

clarelka · 08/10/2025 05:51

I think it’s your behaviour that’s odd.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 08/10/2025 05:46

Every single time your phone has rung with this number, you haven’t been able to answer it for two years?

I would just store the number under your mil’s name and message your mil now and say, “Hi mil. Hope all is well. Chat later.”

I don’t think this counts as harassment. A bit odd, yes.

Schmojoe · 08/10/2025 05:39

You haven’t answered any of the questions asking you what your relationship with your MIL is like.

I don’t understand why you haven’t already phoned her to ask about the calls you’ve just discovered were from her, instead of spending all this time writing and answering MN posts.

One possibility is that she phones you accidentally, though I agree that wouldn’t explain why she doesn’t respond to your texts (assuming she is au fait with texts).

MotherMary14 · 08/10/2025 05:36

You have only got your DH’s word that it’s his mum’s new number and the fact he wants to brush it under the carpet raises red flags. I’d be calling MIL on landline to check, because I wonder if it’s a number for someone else that your DH is covering for…

Shedmistress · 08/10/2025 05:26

Id have blocked it after 2 calls. Might I suggest speaking to her about it when you next have a conversation?

JustMyView13 · 08/10/2025 05:26

You have the patience of a saint.
I’d have blocked her after the 2nd missed call & 1st ignored text! 😂

Linenpickle · 08/10/2025 05:23

Yeah right. Two years of calls and you never once asked your dh… seriously?

if you’re that bothered, sent her a final text to scare/shock her then just block the number.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 08/10/2025 05:06

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:04

He won't. He has the number. She must have changed her number and nobody gave it to me. Not sure why she wouldn't mention it. It feels like an intentional act tbh

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Have you spoken to a therapist about these kinds of paranoid thoughts?

SpryUmberZebra · 08/10/2025 03:59

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:01

It has gone on for 24 months. I have tried to call back. Calls always occur when I am in work where I dont get singal. She is retired and glued to her phone because she is always talking on it.

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It’s strange behaviour on her part yes but why did you keep texting and calling the number for 24 months? I would have blocked it ages ago and forgotten about it.

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 03:40

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:22

Yes, I have a very busy full on job with back to back meetings and I also do not get singal all the time in my building. When I have left work I have called back and no answer! She knows my number then no call for days/weeks/months nor would she say she rang/didn’t get hold of me.

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The really weird thing about this is that you never answer her calls (for various reasons) but when you can’t get hold of her because she doesn’t answer the phone you call it harrassment.

wineosaurusrex · 08/10/2025 03:23

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:24

Every month sometimes more than once a month. There was a couple.of months with zero calls but not once a year, no.

Show quote history

You've specified that sometimes there was more than one call per month, which suggests that most of the time it was just one call a month! And some months she didn't call at all! This is such a non-issue, and so far from being either stalking or harassment. I don't think most people would even notice this honestly!

Not replying to the message asking who it is is a bit weird but some people just dont like messaging or just forget.

Such a dramatic title. You could have just written "I get a missed call around once a month and dont know who it is". I bet anyone who has actually been stalked or harrassed is not very happy about your title!