Is this acceptable in the workplace?

She set out to be rich and famous and she has achieved that. That’s what successful means. I don’t aspire to be Donald Trump either but would still consider him a ‘successful’ politician.

As usual, the woman who finds herself in this situation caused by a man is the one who feels bad about her response. There's a bloke at my work who is using the company private messaging to attempt to flirt with me, is always looking at my linked in page, has requested to follow me on Instagram, and blatantly asked if I'm married the other day, as if it's any of his business, and I am batting it all off politely/ignoring it. But I still have to work with him, so am constantly going over it in my mind do I report this? Do I speak to him directly? Do I totally ignore his messages, ignore him when I see him in the kitchen, and block him on Instagram and look like a snarky knob??? I understand your problem OP, which way do you go? Do we as women have to just put up with it and keep quiet because it's just banter? Or do we call it out and look like a moany woman who can't take a joke/misguided compliment? It's infuriating.

Could you clearly explain why it was a sexist and misogynistic comment please?

Yes try shame the OP for the sexism and misogyny displayed by the man who is old enough to know better.

It's good you called him out on it (and the others should have done that as well rather than message you privately) but I wouldn't take it further than that unless he repeatedly makes statements like that in spite of having been asked not to previously. You gave him a warning and told him it wasnt appropriate now give him a chance to learn this lesson (given his response I doubt he will...). I don't think we should crucify people for making one off stupid comments. He just mentioned a porn star. Yes, inappropriate in the work place and he probably is sexist but there isn't enough of substance in what he said to pin him down on anything concrete.

Also, it sounds like you have a list of more serious grievances against him. Honestly, I think if you complain about something comparatively trivial now it will make your other complaints less impactful.

I don’t think many people aspire to Bonnie Blue’s career, to be honest. Though apparently you do. Nowt so queer as folk.

Oh god I hope you didn’t google that on your work phone / computer!!

He was being unprofessional - both in his comment and then the poo emoji. The fact that 3 other men have messaged you with support says it all.
It maybe worth getting this put 'on file', as there is some history between you and it gets to a stage where it can't be ignored.
Individually, certain comments and behaviour can be brushed off, but when it keeps happening it's part of a bigger issue and needs addressing.

Good for you to call out his grim porn comparison.

And his reply of "shit" 100% makes it a HR issue.

You dont have to make a "big deal" of it email his manager with the screen shots and ask him/her to deal with the matter.

You owe him exactly nothing if he has been playing poiltic with your work reputation.

His role is to give you an actual time line or to say its only going to be a deliverable if someone more senior decided that it gets to skip the que.

Yes I think that is the problem here - not the initial comment…

If you honestly think making a joke about a very successful women who chooses to have sex with hundreds of men is in the same category as making a joke about car crash or terrorist victims then there’s nothing more to say.

Yes take it further it sounds as if he already is damaging your work reputation. You need to be strategic. Lodge a silent note on his HR file about sex discrimination so that you have something up your sleeve should you need it later. And next time do the same instead of calling him out. Calling him out puts yourself at risk whereas providing HR an audit trail of every time he acts like a nob gives you protection if things get difficult.

A news story about porn. It would be equally inappropriate if he made a joke about the young boy killed in a car crash, the recent antisemitic attacks etc. being in the news doesn’t make it work appropriate.

Even if it wasn’t misogynistic (which it is) it’s highly unprofessional

It was meant to be a bit of a light-hearted joke, that part. But OP did say she had to Google her!

Of course it’s unacceptable to make jokes about sex work and pornography at work. Even mentioning a popular porn star/ sex worker by name is inappropriate at work.

Its an offensive remark.

Absolutely pathetic. And deeply unprofessional. Who the fuck sends a shit emoji as the sole response to a work performance concern?!

Thank you for your considered response which comes through in all of your posts (with the fact that it made you uncomfortable and you are trying to figure out whether you are unreasonable). I’m assuming you are not a ‘modern feminist’ for whom sex work is work so it isn’t in anyway misogynistic to mention a woman who is following her chosen career…..
Also I would just do an eye roll at fairly harmless comments like this and keep your powder dry for the important stuff. This guy does seem like the sort to suggest that an uptight women ‘needs a good shag’ for example.

I find this the most frustrating part. Why did they all message you privately? Why couldn't they have shown you some support publicity, especially when dickhead responded with a poo emoji like a child. I'd be tempted to ask them to be more visible in their support

It's a gross comment in a professional setting, as a woman, I would find it demeaning to hear a man speak like that around colleagues especially other men

Its not funny but its true. Theres no greater misogynist that BB herself.

No judgement here girl, youre doing amazing 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

It’s ‘unprofessional’ to suggest you have heard of someone who had four Guardian stories written about her in the last 3 months? Don’t be so ridiculous.