Is this acceptable in the workplace?

As a woman I don’t find this offensive at all. In fact I would have killed myself laughing at the comment but that’s the kind of humour I have.

I said to hubby that she must have a fanny like the channel tunnel he nearly fell of the chair laughing

Middleware and Potassium Permanagate, keep dated contemporaneous logs of their behaviour, screen shots of what they write, etc. Report when you feel ready.
I dealt with one man like this by getting him on his own, staring hard at him, and growling, "Don't EVER speak to me like that again". Apparently I scared the wits out of him and he kept his distance thereafter.

I am the first person to accept that I'm quite sensitive to misogyny and am pretty sick of in being ingrained in society.

Honestly though, I'm not sure this comment falls within that category.

I think the fact that Bonnie Blue has become well-known within the mainstream changes everything. As PP have pointed out, there has been a documentary about her, multiple newspaper reports, and she's even been on the bloody news. The Guardian describes her as a "tabloid favourite" and I think that's accurate. She's like an X-rated version of the page 3 girls of the past who achieved huge fame and celebrity status, just for getting undressed - Sam Fox, Linda Lusardi et al.

And unfortunately, what Bonnie Blue is famous for - and is weirdly proud of - is the fact that she had sex with 1000 men in one day, with them queuing up to have their turn.

The fact that she's so notorious and has become this well-known mainstream celebrity means that this man was essentially just referring to a news story.

It was factual - there was a very long queue of men waiting for Bonnie Blue. Referencing that isn't misogynistic.

If he'd made an unpleasant comment about the state of BB's vagina (sorry) then that would be a misogynistic reference.

Misogyny is defined as contempt for or ingrained dislike of women. I just don't see how referencing the long queue of men - a factual thing - displays a hatred of women, or contempt for them.

Plenty of men and women might feel uncomfortable with a reference to Bonnie Blue. That's understandable. Offensive doesn't automatically mean misogynistic though.

I think you could easily argue that it's not a socially acceptable reference to make because we know what the men were queuing up for. You don't allude to sex in polite company, nor in a work setting.

I'd say it was a throwaway, clumsy comment that wasn't really professional - but I don't see how it meets the threshold for sexism or misogyny.

The bloke does sound like a giant twat though with his emoji response. It doesn't even make sense. Obviously a massive dickhead.

Other blokes messaging you to express shock at the comment feels a bit ridiculous. Weirdly, that feels more misogynistic than the original comment. There was a tasteless comment - you called it out. Job done. Why do they need to message you about it privately? Do they think you're some kind of fragile little flower? I think that would actually annoy me more than the crass comment.

Tbh you’re reading way too much into it. Yeah it’s inappropriate but hardly meant as offensive or an insult. Just crack on with your day and stop trying to cause problems for people

It’s no wonder we get nothing done in this country. I’m a line manager. If this came to me, I’d speak to the person who wrote the comment to say “Please don’t post things like that in work again.” And move on. I suggest you do the same.

I am a professional woman, OP while I absolutely agree it’s not appropriate , it’s immature and absolutely can be called out (his immaturity)

I disagree with a lot of the comments - how is stating a fact that BB who did have an exceptionally long line / I’m hearing sexism / misogynistic / take it further under sexual harassment - WE need to tow the line by calling out shitty and immature behaviour but Christ sake I am sick to death of explaining to men about feminism and the whole don’t get your knickers in a twist / burn your bra type era that making such a ridiculous deal over an immature comment harms women who have and need real support .

If we claim “sexism” for every single comment (some well deserved but this is not sexism it’s a immature comments) it becomes the boy that cries wolf and our voice when needed to be loud is very much watered down.

OP I’m not saying you put up with his BS- personally I would have pulled him up but toe to toe - like so you referring to porn and sending 5 year old emojis?? All ok you need a coffee???

Before I get absolutely nailed for my comments - I am FULLY in support of all women - but can we please stop overusing sexism and feminism in contexts that really undervalue everything we fought to get our voice heard! A little bit of cop on or common sense or in my experience give them a good dose of BS back and put them in their place tends to “correct” their behavior.

OP I would talk to HR tell them this guy is a dope, sending stupid emojis and you have his cards marked - I’d have the same conversation with him when he comes back from leave . Let him know you won’t tolerate his BS .

best of luck OP and love your description respected but prickly 🙂🙂 I’d start sending him pictures of a cactus the next time he crosses the line remind him who he is dealing with 🙂

I am a professional woman, OP while I absolutely agree it’s not appropriate , it’s immature and absolutely can be called out (his immaturity)

I disagree with a lot of the comments - how is stating a fact that BB who did have an exceptionally long line / I’m hearing sexism / misogynistic / take it further under sexual harassment - WE need to tow the line by calling out shitty and immature behaviour but Christ sake I am sick to death of explaining to men about feminism and the whole don’t get your knickers in a twist / burn your bra type era that making such a ridiculous deal over an immature comment harms women who have and need real support .

if we claim “sexism” for every single comment (some well deserved but common this is not sexism it’s a immature comments ) it becomes the boy that cries wolf and our voice when needed has been very much watered down.

OP I’m not saying you put up with his BS- personally I would have pulled him up but toe to toe - like so you referring to porn and sending 5 year old emojis?? All ok you need a coffee???

Before I get absolutely nailed for my comments - I am FULLY in support of all women - but can we please stop overusing sexism and feminism in contexts that really undervalue everything we fought to get our voice heard! A little bit of cop on or common sense or in my experience give them a good dose of BS back and put them in their place tends to “correct” their behavior.

OP I would talk to HR tell them this guy is a dope, sending stupid emojis and you have his cards marked - I’d have the same conversation with him when he comes back from leave . Let him know you won’t tolerate his BS .

best of luck OP and love your description respected but prickly 🙂🙂 I’d start sending him pictures of a cactus the next time he crosses the line remind him who he is dealing with 🙂

The poo emoji has got me 😂 Seriously though, how old is this man!

It would make me laugh tbh and personally there are many other hills I’d rather die on but it is unprofessional and you aren’t wrong to call him out. The poor emoji is pathetic.

Had to Google it myself and I'm not behind the door when it comes to sex, but never heard of her.

It's unprofessional and inappropriate BUT unless this person has a history of this then I'd just let it go. We all say things in frustration.

I suppose I’m trying to say, I’m quite laid back about ‘banter’ but this isn’t banter, and it’s not ok

I mean, there’s a lot of inappropriate banter in my workplace, but not like that! It’s always things everyone genuinely finds funny, and really very very mild, but we are at work, which makes it funnier, so it’s more ‘technically’ inappropriate than actually inappropriate - it’s all stuff I’d have happily said in front of my grandma. A joke about a sex worker and the really grim situations she creates - no no no.

I’d probably have a chuckle. It’s well known who she is and what she does and we do need some lightness in the work place. It wasn’t actually offensive about anyone in the chat. It seems no one can say anything without upsetting someone these days

I choose my battles at work and this wouldn't be one of them. I'd support anyone who did feel it was worth it, though.

I actually think the emoji response is worse than the original comment because that's directed at you personally.

The comment would help me form an opinion of the man that wouldn't be favorable, but I'm not sure that using a metaphor regarding a well known mainstream news story is so terrible.

Surely you know the answer!

The reality is it was seriously unprofessional of him and a completely inappropriate comment for the workplace. He should be upbraided for it. Hardcore pornography jokes are unacceptable in such a setting (or any setting but definitely at work).

@Middleware that you’ve said

‘3 of the other men on the chat have PM’d me to make it clear they are shocked by his comment.’

surely shows how out of order it is and you could escalate it to his manager or HR? I agree it should be called out.

Can you ask any of those men for their support if you made a complaint?

It’s funny IMO but not work appropriate! Maybe something you’d say with friends but not at work!

It’s a bit grim but not something I would be officially complaining about. Plus the messages from the men being supportive. I would be suspicious of them. I find men that try and be supportive of women like this usually have another agenda.

I worked in a male dominated environment for many years. I can think of some absolute shitheads that I worked with, way worse and the ones that would simp all over me. To be honest the ones that were sort of trying to be very supportive of the sisterhood got on my nerves as much as the sexist ones. They tended to be the men that would have described themselves as nice but ultimately they were the ones trying to get in your knickers.

The best indication for me if colleagues were ok were the male colleagues who would just call you mate.

Personally, I would’ve just laughed it off.

I’m genuinely not trying to be nasty, but that’s the sort of colleague that everyone dreads being around because you can’t have a laugh.

She would not be involved or having any physical contact with any of the people involved if it were not for the money.

That is something which the male employee missed in his snigger snigger arent I a funnnnny bloke insulting reply to the OPs reasonable question on the timeline of one of his deliverables.

The other poster is saying that the comment is acceptable in a professional context:

It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

as prostitution is just like any other employment role.

It is relevant wrt the poster who decided to shame the OP and be a Ra-Ra cheerleader for prostitution.