Page 31 | Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

partytimed · 2025-10-02T20:48:27+00:00

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime. obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OliviaBonas · 02/10/2025 22:33

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Agree! The class had probably been telling tales incessantly all day and this disrupts the learning so much.

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 22:33

paddyclampster · 02/10/2025 22:30

He was rude. Whether he intended to be rude is another matter. But if he’s not pulled for it now, what’s he going to be like when he’s older?

That entirely depends on whether his parent asks for a meeting every time he’s told off.

paddyclampster · 02/10/2025 22:32

RisingSunn · 02/10/2025 22:29

Rude of him but I can understand how a 6yo wouldn't see that.

Exactly - I sometimes call a sandal a shoe for instance and my similar aged DD would shout out "it's a sandal!"

I couldn't imagine losing my temper with a 6 year old over something like that.

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You might feel differently if you were in a room with 30+ of them constantly pecking

Original poster

partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:32

I don’t think he would be as upset as he was tonight over a firm rebuke. I think something more happened. To be clear the teacher who shouted was not the one who issued the instruction it was a teacher who had just entered the room so I’m assuming not at the end of her rope from perhaps asking the class to be quiet etc.

Also I genuinely appreciate the insights offered but there is no suspected ASD or SEN.

OP posts:

AliceMcK · 02/10/2025 22:31

Do you know other parents from the class or school you can ask about what their children are saying? I find that if more than one child is telling parents the same things then they are usually right something is going on. I personally like to gather as much info from others as possible because, and I know others will not like this, teachers do lie! I’ve witnessed it so many times.

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 22:31

3pears · 02/10/2025 22:28

Has OP said there is suspected autism?

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There is now!

SummerFeverVenice · 02/10/2025 22:30

3pears · 02/10/2025 22:28

Has OP said there is suspected autism?

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No, but 6 is the average age for boys with autism to really start showing it because the school environment is far more socially complex than home or nursery.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 02/10/2025 22:30

Definitely talk to the teacher. This board is so ridiculous. Guarantee that if OP had said she was the one who was shouting, they would be falling over themselves calling her a verbal abuser and demanding SS step in.

Musicalmistress · 02/10/2025 22:30

CountFucula · 02/10/2025 22:20

This bit is very true: I’m not great at being objective
Like ALL PARENTS, myself included. It’s very very hard to remain objective when your child is upset. You know he’s a lovely boy, I bet the teacher knows that too. I bet that he made an innocent comment in his mind but c’mon: it is clearly arguing back, however it was meant, and she told him off. That stings. Injustice (as he perceives it) is very hard. His FEELING is that she shouted. That’s what he got from today. You’ll never know the reality but seriously, year 2 teachers don’t generally behave like shouting ranting monsters… what’s more likely? Your son hates being told off and hated the feeling that being spoke to harshly had on him. He’s tired and he has catastrophised a relatively small incident.

This!

OliviaBonas · 02/10/2025 22:30

Octavia64 · 02/10/2025 22:12

Yeah sorry the whole class were told be to quiet.

he wasn’t quiet and was nitpicking at the teacher. There’s a time and a place for that sort of thing and when the teacher has just told everyone to be quiet isn’t it.

tell him not to argue with the teacher.

This! Being constantly interrupted at a teacher is beyond irritating for the teacher and the class. It interrupts the flow of the leading and sometimes you need to tell the children enough is enough.

Dollymylove · 02/10/2025 22:30

That's actually very insightful for a 6 year old.
Sounds like an intelligent young lad!
Im pretty sure a firm " please be quiet and listen" would have sufficed, rather than a full on rant. He's 6 FFS, not 16

paddyclampster · 02/10/2025 22:30

He was rude. Whether he intended to be rude is another matter. But if he’s not pulled for it now, what’s he going to be like when he’s older?

KnittingOnEmpty · 02/10/2025 22:29

Musicalmistress · 02/10/2025 22:17

Plenty of 6 year olds are capable of smart arsed comments!

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Cheeky, yes, but to me 'smart arsed' has harsher, more calculated connotations. I just don't like the labelling of 6 year olds as smart-arsed.

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 22:29

He was being a smart arse and fair enough that the teacher should pull him up on that, but they should not be shouting, never mind shouting for a prolonged period (if this is actually what happened).

RisingSunn · 02/10/2025 22:29

HiCandles · 02/10/2025 21:59

Rude of him but I can understand how a 6yo wouldn't see that. Massive overreaction of the shouting teacher, though presumably things were already going badly wrong with behaviour and chatting for the first teacher to have made that remark in the first place.

Rude of him but I can understand how a 6yo wouldn't see that.

Exactly - I sometimes call a sandal a shoe for instance and my similar aged DD would shout out "it's a sandal!"

I couldn't imagine losing my temper with a 6 year old over something like that.

youalright · 02/10/2025 22:28

Makemineacosmo · 02/10/2025 22:25

Thank goodness you were in the classroom at the time to clear this up for everyone ...

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What are you talking about I'm basing my answer on the information we have I've not once said op ds isn't lying or missing out vital information. But im also not going to create a whole other version of events to slag of a 6 year old

HouseOfGuineaPigsReturnsWhereSheLeftOff · 02/10/2025 22:28

6 year olds tend to be very literal, perhaps he was not being cheeky? Even if he was I think teacher is being over the top by shouting. Her original comment was a typical teacher instruction though and quite normal just like 6 years old being literal and sensitive

3pears · 02/10/2025 22:28

SummerFeverVenice · 02/10/2025 22:26

I don’t think he was rude.
I am autistic and I think he was asking the teacher to clarify what she meant as if you’re injured you would be in pain, so there is overlap. They can be the same thing.

I am 52, but at 6 I would have asked the same question.

I don’t know if you know, but autistic traits can include

inability to identify levels of pain
to understand subtle differences in things like pain or injury
many of us experience pain differently from NT people. Like a scratchy sock can cause hot poker pain, but appendicitis can feel like an internal itch. So “tummy ache” what the hey is that?
inability to read the room, so clearly no idea it’s not an appropriate time to ask questions.
he did raise his hand, if the teacher didn’t want any questions, then why signal to him he can go ahead and ask?

There is also high social anxiety and sensitivity to putting a foot out of line anf breaking any rules. That would explain the crying and anxiety about school after being told off, even if it was milder than he perceived it. His perception is his reality- this is key, he is not exaggerating or lying, he is saying how he felt when it happened. Autistic sensory overload applies to emotions too.

I would be asking to talk to the SENCO and the teacher, This is an observed incident that should be recorded towards potential referral for assessment. In addition, BY LAW anyone with suspected autism or other disability MUST BE given accommodations even with no diagnosis. So the teacher needs to handle your DS more sensitively.

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Has OP said there is suspected autism?

Anotherdayanotherpound · 02/10/2025 22:27

A teacher should never shout at a 6 year old. I’d want to find out what had happened and would speak to the teacher about it

3pears · 02/10/2025 22:27

The teacher needed the kids to get on with the work and stop interrupting the lesson by the sounds of it so has made it clear they don’t interrupt unless it’s something serious. In pain or injured or needing the toilet are reasons you can come and interrupt. Your DS wasn’t in pain or injured or needing the toilet but interrupted none the less so I can see why the teacher got exasperated. Once one interrupts then it can set off a chain reaction. Yes, maybe the instruction could have been clearer- in pain prob means tummy ache or headache which a few children might find hard to grasp but either way it’s pretty obvious that she didn’t want interrupting unless there was pain or a need for the loo. Your kid was being a bit cheeky by doing the very thing he’d been asked not to do.

SummerFeverVenice · 02/10/2025 22:26

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

I don’t think he was rude.
I am autistic and I think he was asking the teacher to clarify what she meant as if you’re injured you would be in pain, so there is overlap. They can be the same thing.

I am 52, but at 6 I would have asked the same question.

I don’t know if you know, but autistic traits can include

inability to identify levels of pain
to understand subtle differences in things like pain or injury
many of us experience pain differently from NT people. Like a scratchy sock can cause hot poker pain, but appendicitis can feel like an internal itch. So “tummy ache” what the hey is that?
inability to read the room, so clearly no idea it’s not an appropriate time to ask questions.
he did raise his hand, if the teacher didn’t want any questions, then why signal to him he can go ahead and ask?

There is also high social anxiety and sensitivity to putting a foot out of line anf breaking any rules. That would explain the crying and anxiety about school after being told off, even if it was milder than he perceived it. His perception is his reality- this is key, he is not exaggerating or lying, he is saying how he felt when it happened. Autistic sensory overload applies to emotions too.

I would be asking to talk to the SENCO and the teacher, This is an observed incident that should be recorded towards potential referral for assessment. In addition, BY LAW anyone with suspected autism or other disability MUST BE given accommodations even with no diagnosis. So the teacher needs to handle your DS more sensitively.

ZebraPyjamas · 02/10/2025 22:26

I’m a teacher, similar age group. Children think it’s shouting when you correct them in a cross tone. Genuinely! I honestly think children are not used to being corrected any more and just cannot cope with it. I taught a lovely child last year who used to sob any time he got in “trouble” no matter how gently I approached it, I mean proper couldn’t catch his breath sobs! Have also heard them reporting incidents that I also witnessed first hand where they would describe someone (another child) as “screaming” at them when that someone was just speaking crossly. If you’re concerned, speak to the teacher but also yes what your child said was cheeky!

Makemineacosmo · 02/10/2025 22:25

youalright · 02/10/2025 22:22

He's 6 he was confused by what the teacher was saying and wanted clarity in a 6 year old way. I wouldn't expect that from an older child but 6 is really young still and the fact he got so upset shows he wasn't saying it to be a smart arse he was genuinely just trying to understand. Young kids ask lots of questions thats how they learn

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Thank goodness you were in the classroom at the time to clear this up for everyone ...

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 22:25

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/10/2025 22:22

You think that every teacher standing in front of a class is a dedicated professional and following a vocation? No one knows, my DS had a P2 teacher who absolutely screamed and shouted at the class - she could be heard in the playground at home time and was well known for her lack of self control. Equally if not be happy if my DS had talked back when asked to be quiet - both can be true, your DS was out of order and the teacher over reacted.

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It’s not OK for shouting to be the norm - emergencies only - but the occasional be quiet in a shouting voice isn’t going to cause any lasting trauma. Most research shows that children feel safer with teachers who can manage behaviour in class.

Makemineacosmo · 02/10/2025 22:24

strangerontheinternet · 02/10/2025 22:18

Responses here are so harsh ignore them op. He’s 6 he’s still tiny! I would be furious if a teacher was shouting at my 6yo making him cry.

This is just embarrassing.

6 isn't 'tiny' and you have no idea if it actually happened the way the child claims it did. Kids lie all the time, particularly when they've done something they shouldn't.