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Original poster

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

867 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 02/10/2025 23:15

partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:32

I don’t think he would be as upset as he was tonight over a firm rebuke. I think something more happened. To be clear the teacher who shouted was not the one who issued the instruction it was a teacher who had just entered the room so I’m assuming not at the end of her rope from perhaps asking the class to be quiet etc.

Also I genuinely appreciate the insights offered but there is no suspected ASD or SEN.

The truth is, you don’t know what happened. At six years old, what you often get is a very hazy and confused recollection of events. It obviously made an impression on him but there’s no point coming online to get views from the internet when none of us know what happened in school either. Just have a chat with his teacher and find out the facts.

CausalInference · 02/10/2025 23:14

I wouldn't be impressed a teacher speaking to my kids like that full-stop to be honest. I'd be wanting to speak to the teacher and want a full explanation if my child was still upset at bedtime. Is it a young teacher out of their depth? My eldest is y5 and for the first time has a teacher with only a few years experience, it's very telling, my eldest is a real stickler for rules but the new-ish teacher managed to really upset her over something completely insignificant. It's like she wanted to show who was boss. I resisted messaging her, but if she does it again I will absolutely have words.

Hallywally · 02/10/2025 23:14

Well he wasn’t in pain or injured (even if they’re the same thing) and didn’t need the toilet, so why was he answering back? He was being a smart arse.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/10/2025 23:13

Dramatic · 02/10/2025 23:01

Of course they are, my 5yo is well capable of making a smart arsed comment and she knows it too!

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Where did she learn that?

DiscoBob · 02/10/2025 23:12

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

No because being in pain and being injured aren't the same thing. And she did not require a response to what she said. It was an instruction to quietly do your work and not ask silly questions. He did the opposite of what was expected. He was being a smart arse. He got told off.

I doubt she screamed at him while he sobbed for several minutes. If that's true then she's a terrible teacher. It's more likely he's embellishing it. How many six year olds could accurately judge a telling off in minutes?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/10/2025 23:11

CountFucula · 02/10/2025 23:08

So, the teacher would need to have been a mind reader to know your intention? Yet decades later you’re still bothered??

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Do move on.

herbaceous · 02/10/2025 23:11

What a child describes as 'minutes of shouting' is often in fact a few seconds of a firm voice.

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/10/2025 23:10

Thegreyhound · 02/10/2025 21:58

Because sometimes students have to work in silence! So everyone can concentrate! And learn! Silence is fine

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Not at aged 6!

CountFucula · 02/10/2025 23:08

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 02/10/2025 22:42

Sadly I’m not surprised by the replies on here - if a teacher ‘is at the end of their tether’ and this is somehow a legitimate reason to then shout at a small child, then maybe they need to rethink their career path! No way is it ok to shout at a child for goodness sake. Surely we are way past the days when teachers were allowed to dominate small children.

I can still remember an incident from when I was 6 or 7 (I’m now nearly 55!) - I really liked my teacher, thoroughly enjoyed school and we were playing bingo. She asked us to swap our bingo cards within our group and in my head I wanted to say, ‘Is it ok if we don’t swap, is that an option’ but I actually said, ‘I want to keep mine.’ So of course my teacher replied, ‘Well I don’t care what you want to do, I’ve told you to swap.’ I struggled not to cry, but was very hurt and felt misunderstood and wrongly told off - so I feel your son, at just 6, could be feeling exactly this way. Please find out what happened by all means but do not accept that it’s ever ok for any other adult to shout at your child in this way.

So, the teacher would need to have been a mind reader to know your intention? Yet decades later you’re still bothered??

Crochetandtea · 02/10/2025 23:08

He was being cheeky and answering a teacher back . Then he cried because he didn’t like being told off. Remind him not to answer back to the teacher ?

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 23:06

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/10/2025 22:59

I would hope a teacher wouldn't leave the profession over a parent politely asking for a bit of context on an incident at school that had their child still in tears at bedtime and reluctant to go to school. I agree that some parents wouldn't be polite and that's not on, but I don't think parents are required to proceed at all times on the basis that the teacher is infallible and their kid is a liar or a fantasist.

Edited

Honestly, after 25 years you do get tired of parents complaining about teachers who wouldn’t get the plimsoll a child threw on the roof, shouted because the lids weren’t back on the glue sticks, put the child on the wrong reading level and so on. I still do one to one tuition but I don’t feel I’m giving parents good value if I don’t focus children on their learning.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 02/10/2025 23:05

Pumkinpiecrazy · 02/10/2025 23:04

Sounds like a horrible school. Who treats 6 year old like that? I'd go mad if that was my child.

Totally agree

AlwaysHopefull89 · 02/10/2025 23:05

Fucking weird thing for the teacher to say. I’d be proud of my kid for saying that 😂

Pumkinpiecrazy · 02/10/2025 23:04

Sounds like a horrible school. Who treats 6 year old like that? I'd go mad if that was my child.

70sMuuMuu · 02/10/2025 23:04

Fetaface · 02/10/2025 22:37

Most kids say they were yelled at when they were told off.

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Some of them will be correct.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/10/2025 23:04

youalright · 02/10/2025 22:48

But the work was interrupted further by another adult entering the room shouting and then a 6 year old crying.

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And answering, instead of reiterating the instruction to be quiet, would leave the child thinking it was fine to continue interrupting the teacher after being told to be quiet.

Fetaface · 02/10/2025 23:02

padronpepper · 02/10/2025 22:39

He is 6 years old. I’m shocked that some posters think the teacher’s attitude is acceptable.

You think teachers should not teach but spend all day sorting out fussing and tale telling?

When do you think they should teach? Maybe some need to teach their kids how to solve their own small problems and keep out of others business then this wouldn't happen.

Dramatic · 02/10/2025 23:01

KnittingOnEmpty · 02/10/2025 22:05

They're six years old and it's no longer the 1800s. Not many 6 yr olds are capable of making a 'smart arsed' comment either. Lad is clearly upset about whatever went on which needs addressing so a chat with teacher best solution.

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Of course they are, my 5yo is well capable of making a smart arsed comment and she knows it too!

Ruby1985 · 02/10/2025 23:00

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

I would only excuse that if he had a special need that makes him be quite literal

ilovepixie · 02/10/2025 23:00

Child was being cheeky. He needs to learn how to behave in certain situations

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/10/2025 22:59

I would hope a teacher wouldn't leave the profession over a parent politely asking for a bit of context on an incident at school that had their child still in tears at bedtime and reluctant to go to school. I agree that some parents wouldn't be polite and that's not on, but I don't think parents are required to proceed at all times on the basis that the teacher is infallible and their kid is a liar or a fantasist.

Cornishclio · 02/10/2025 22:58

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 22:38

In the 70s and 80s we were routinely roared at in primary school. No one was bothered, because it was the norm. Teachers are more gentle nowadays, but they’re only human.

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I don’t disagree that 50 years ago when I was in primary school some teachers shouted. I don’t agree no one was bothered. I had lots of friends who were shouted at and they may have appeared to not care in front of everyone but in general they hated school for that reason. Some suffered with anxiety and mental health issues which they carried into secondary schools. My husband to this day remembers a teacher shouting at him for not getting something and many decades later after realising he was ADHD he now understands why. He left school with no qualifications as no teacher thought to question why he struggled with focusing or sitting still. Slightly different I know as OP says no SEN but it surely isn’t good if this child is still sobbing hours later.

The prefrontal cortex in children’s brains doesn’t develop until they are much older so some will make impulsive comments and and teachers should understand that. I was a rule follower so didn’t often get shouted at but I am not sure that is the way to let children learn if they are scared to open their mouth for fear of saying something the teacher thinks is cheeky. A simple correction done in a kind way would have the same effect without damaging the teacher/student relationship.

PineConesAndBerries · 02/10/2025 22:58

Your ds will need to learn when it's not appropriate to make a cheeky comment. When a teacher is cross and warning the children she doesn't want to be interrupted is not the right time.

Greentopping · 02/10/2025 22:58

I suspect he was being cheeky at a time it wasn't appreciated. He needs to be doing what he's meant to. Then he won't incur the wrath.

1543click · 02/10/2025 22:56

He thought he was being clever and would make the class laugh. I wish some parents could see their so sensitive children in class sometimes.
He got the telling off he deserved. No teacher has time for two minute rant .