Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

My DP has taught primary for 15+ years and reckons behaviour in schools is at an all-time low precisely because parents don’t like their kids being told off and the message that’s filtering from home to the classroom is that teachers have no right to be firm or to be angry. Clearly that teacher’s comment came after some kind of disturbance in class that required tough behaviour management - only for it to be undermined by your DS piping up. He was rightly told off because it was rude and he was ignoring clear instructions.

No, questions and curiosity are great, but that's very clearly not what this was. 6 year old definitely know better, he probably thought it was funny and was showing off. I doubt he was actually shouted at, he just didn't like that he got told he was making the wrong choice.

I have a six year old who I can see making this comment. He would be wanting to clarify what exactly the teacher meant

exactly. People on this thread simply have no insight into the brains of 6 year olds. Neither does this teacher apparently which is completely unacceptable since she is supposed to be teaching them.

Finally being taught how to not be curious and ask questions you mean. @partytimed never said her child has behavioural problems and he was raising his hand to ask a (in a 6 year old mind) a valid question. The teacher could have simply explained or told him thay there was no time to explain and he had to ask his parents.

The boy is 6 years old! I don't aporove of rude/disruptive children but he's too young to be labelled that way. I would have a word with the teacher to explain how upset my son was.

Nobody said that but their are bad apples in every profession and pretending there isn't is naive

His comment does indicate that his first concern in listening to the teacher wasn't to try to understand what she was asking of him. That he didn't think the most important thing to consider was "what does the teacher want me to do now?" He didn't hear that she was saying "Get on with your work and don't bother me with questions unless it's essential." His thought was "Ohh, does she know she said two things that are the same? I should ask her about that right now."

It's several weeks into term already. The teacher has 30 kids she needs to develop a fairly large skill set in by the end of the year. If that is typical of the sort of interaction she gets when she asks for the kids to concentrate on their work and let her get on with teaching, then a sharp response may well have been somewhat justified. The soft touch is a reasonable starting place, but we're beyond the time frame for that. Nowadays, I don't think teachers can afford, 4 weeks into term, to have a class that can't settle when asked to.

It may be that a sharp rebuke will help him settle into doing what he's supposed to be doing and that may help him start to learn more and enjoy school more. But it may not. My kids hated teachers who shouted and research on parents who shout show that the impact is possibly as detrimental as smacking. So I'm not convinced it's all fine and dandy. But I can see that teachers may not have much alternative at the moment.

I have a six year old who I can see making this comment. He would be wanting to clarify what exactly the teacher meant. I am trying to teach him that sometimes he just needs to shut up. He can be cheeky but he's not quite old enough to understand social nuances, so I'm trying to teach him them and to understand how difficult his teacher's job is.

I'd have a word with the teacher today. Don't go in all guns blazing. Make her aware how upset your son was, apologise for him being cheeky, ask what happened. I'd also do a bit of quiet digging with other parents, especially those with older children - if this teacher really is fearsome she'll have a reputation.

@partytimed If your son was 10 years old (and no Sen) I would say his comment was cheeky. A 6 year old who reflects on how injured and in pain sounds like the same thing is not cheeky. And he raised his hand. I would have explained the difference to the class (learning opportunity) or if I didn't have the time I would have told him to look the words up in a dictionary at home with his parents.

Can't believe people think it's OK to be rude to an innocent 6 year old who basically asks a valid question.

Exactly, finally being taught to behave appropriately and not disrupt the learning of others.

Your son was being cheeky.

It sounds like your son is rude and disrespectful. He’s now got a teacher who is strict and he’s finding it hard to accept his behaviour isn’t acceptable. He’s pushing boundaries and the teachers is pushing back and your son doesn’t like it .

I’d raise it with head - not teacher concerned

I’d say the teacher is in the wrong job, try a prison - and they’re the ones needing support to make better choices. Atrocious behaviour- this is the age group when gentle teaching , nurturing and compassion is what’s needed to get results and also nurture similar behaviours

The teacher sounds awful. I'd 100% be making a complaint OP. This would never happen in my DD's school.

Ahh teacher sounds terrible
the 6!

I disagree, she's trying to help the ones who want to learn have the opportunity to do so. Op's son does not get to stop others from learning just because he wants to show off and be rude.

Unfortunately some teachers just shouldn't be around children and are of the mindset that children are to be seen and not to be heard. If the teacher has said that they are definitely in the wrong job and it's the children who are let down.

I'm much more concerned about the teacher's attitude and choices.

I used to be a teacher.

The teacher's initial comment was completely inappropriate for the age group.

There's no situation where prolonged shouting at a single child would be acceptable.

In the old days we used to say 'two wrongs don't make a right" - the child is six, they made the wrong comment. However if the teacher did shout for a prolonged period, that was completely unacceptable.

I completely disagree, it sounds more like the son is having a tough time behaving and using manners. He needs his parents to support him to make better choices.

sounds to me like he wasn’t intending to be rude but that it was taken in this way (which I can understand) . Don’t agree with the shouting, it is so unnecessary and I think I would be saying so. She would have been better off asking him to wait behind at lunch and talking to him calmly about appropriate timing / thinking before he speaks etc .

No child at six should be getting a prolonged shouty telling off.

The teacher's initial request was inappropriate for the age group and suggests they're not coping.

Your son is visibly unhappy, even before this incident - it's time for an email to the head saying you're worried something has changed.

Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

If course it was rude. The teacher had asked for silence , presumably so that she could get on with explaining something or setting a task or getting the children to concentrate on quiet on something. None of these things is inappropriate.

Your son appeared to question her with a smart arse quibble about the way she’d expressed herself in the moment. How would you like a serious request treated in that way?

He may have raised his hand and expressed himself politely instead of just yelling out, but his action was still rude. He deliberately disobeyed his teacher’s request.

IME some children confuse shouting with a sharp tone, that might explain the upset. It sounds like the teacher had put up with the usual pointless questions and comments from the group and were asking for some focus on a task. They might even have said it in a jokey way. Your son’s point was wrong and he also didn’t need to say it. Perhaps it’s something he does a lot, perhaps he never interrupts so was taken aback by being reprimanded. You weren’t there, you’ll never know but maybe speak to the adult in the room and find out! I’m sure the member of staff would be concerned if he was so upset; best to find out the facts.