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Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

867 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
LittleBitofBread · 03/10/2025 16:10

DISCLAIMER I'm going to assume that things happened as you/your child say.
Obviously you need to ask the teachers and get a clear picture of what happened.

But taken at face value, another teacher entering the room and shouting at a 6-year-old sounds like a bullying pile-on to me, and would be frightening to a small child.
A decent teacher would make a little joke of it, and/or spend a couple of minutes on why and how in pain and injured are the same and how they're not, rather than shut down a kid's thoughts and opinions on it.

JHound · 03/10/2025 16:07

He was wrong but maybe he is a smart alec and the school is strict.

rainbowstardrops · 03/10/2025 16:03

All this talk of ‘screaming’ at a six year old! You can tell the posters who have never worked in a school!
I have. For many years.
Teaching staff sometimes need to use a firm assertive voice when children are misbehaving or whatever.
I once heard lots of messing about in the toilets (yr1 & 2’s in there. Went to have a look and one child was looking under the cubicle door and subsequently, the other kids were copying and doing the same. Kids being spied on were getting upset. Huge safeguarding issue. I used a firm voice to tell the children that it was totally inappropriate and took the ringleader to her class teacher and the other children to theirs. Cue the tears and apologies. Left the child with their teacher.
Child spoken to and explained it was inappropriate blah blah blah. End of.
The next day, the mother asked to speak to me and said how upset her child was and they were scared to come into school because I’d shouted at them (I didn’t) and that I should apologise to them! For being told not to look under toilet cubicle doors when others are using the toilet!
How about you tell your child that that behaviour is totally unacceptable?!!!
It’s parents like this that are resulting in school staff leaving in droves (I have) and children thinking they can do what on earth they like with no consequences.

dontmalbeconme · 03/10/2025 15:59

Octonaut4Life · 03/10/2025 15:50

Kids don't view a cross/assertive tone is shouting because they've never been told no at home. They view it as shouting because they've not been shouted at. Which is how it should be. Let's not normalize shouting at six year olds.

Using a cross/assertive tone isn't shouting. Let's not pretend it is.

ForNoisyCat · 03/10/2025 15:56

VikaOlson · 02/10/2025 21:53

I would speak to the teacher and find out what happened.

But if the teacher needed to do something and was very clearly telling the class not to disturb her, and immediately a child disturbs her with what sounds like quite a cheeky response, I can understand them being told off.

Maybe the child was thinking literally but not being cheeky

ForNoisyCat · 03/10/2025 15:55

SugarBrown · 02/10/2025 21:52

“I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.”

wtf

Some teachers are complete badtards

cardibach · 03/10/2025 15:54

Octonaut4Life · 03/10/2025 15:50

Kids don't view a cross/assertive tone is shouting because they've never been told no at home. They view it as shouting because they've not been shouted at. Which is how it should be. Let's not normalize shouting at six year olds.

The point is that they in all likelihood haven’t been shouted at though. I don’t have primary experience, but teens often said I’d shouted at them when I’d spoken in a normal voice but firmly and saying something they didn’t like.

Octonaut4Life · 03/10/2025 15:50

ThankYouNigel · 02/10/2025 22:34

I couldn’t agree more.

My son has just turned 7. I’m on every school run and regularly volunteer in his school. I see many 6 year olds at the park, at birthday parties, at local sports clubs, etc. I’m also a teacher.

I regularly witness 6 year olds lying, exaggerating, blaming other children on purpose, pinning other children down and punching them, describing women in misogynistic terms, swearing, mocking other children and adults. They know exactly what they are doing and that their parents will believe their lies and never have them in the wrong.

Parents need to wise up! My son’s school thankfully is zero tolerance and swiftly sends them out of the classroom. If they cry, good- they have a conscience and are finally learning right from wrong.

Children often now interpret a basic no, a cross/raised/assertive voice and tone as ‘shouting’ because some unfortunately have never been told no at home. That’s their parent’s fault if they arrive at school with no idea how to behave and little resilience. They’ve done them a huge disservice.

Kids don't view a cross/assertive tone is shouting because they've never been told no at home. They view it as shouting because they've not been shouted at. Which is how it should be. Let's not normalize shouting at six year olds.

outdooryone · 03/10/2025 15:47

TheignT · 03/10/2025 15:35

I don't see walking in to another teachers lesson and shouting as supportive, exactly the opposite in fact. Id look at the teacher and ask her if everything was ok.

And for all we know that has happened - colleagues do know each other well and support each other. We have the (second hand) story of a 6 year old who has shown little awareness of the situation - do we really think he would pick up on subtle words or body language between two adults, or has related it to his mum the OP.

JudgeJ · 03/10/2025 15:39

CoffeeCantata · 03/10/2025 12:35

Would lawyers, accountants or doctors allow you to just rock up and bend their ear without an appointment?

I don’t think so!

That was the point I was making! A teacher friend said that the worst offender for thinking she could 'have a little word' every day was a doctors' receptionist who took offence when asked to ring and make an appointment to take her litany of complaints to the Head.

TheignT · 03/10/2025 15:35

outdooryone · 03/10/2025 10:29

Or it is a colleague arriving in a room full of noisy 6 year olds and seeing a colleague struggling - so stepping in to support and silence the ones who are not behaving. What would you do in that situation - would you just walk out the room and not say a word?

I don't see walking in to another teachers lesson and shouting as supportive, exactly the opposite in fact. Id look at the teacher and ask her if everything was ok.

cardibach · 03/10/2025 15:34

AguNwaanyi · 03/10/2025 13:19

The error is in you seeing a 6 year old asking a question ask trying to get a cheap laugh.

I keep seeing this ‘asking a question’, ‘looking for clarification’ comment. Look at the OP. he didn’t ask a question. He tried to tell the teacher she was wrong, when she wasn’t. He was absolutely trying to show the teacher up, most likely for a laugh. If he’d asked it as a question he’d have said so to defend himself and the OP would have said so.

TheignT · 03/10/2025 15:33

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 10:26

Yes that was an odd dynamic.

I guess that's where I got the impression that the staff knew they were all on the same page about it - as if it had been an ongoing issue.

Id feel undermined, would be interesting to know what she/he thinks.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 15:16

@MotherMary14 Perhaps but still OP should investigate and make it know how distressed her DS is because of the situation

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 15:10

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 15:05

in my experience small children don't tend to cry at bedtime over things that didn't happen

Not saying the teacher wasn't stern or their voice didn't raise above a normal level, but I don't believe they were shouting (or screaming, as some of the more hyperbolic PP have claimed). In my experience kids will often say shouting to describe a grown up talking loudly.

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 15:05

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 15:04

Same.

Op why don't you ask one of the other children, rather than going straight to the teacher? You might get the middle ground version then.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 15:05

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 15:04

Same.

in my experience small children don't tend to cry at bedtime over things that didn't happen

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 15:04

ldnmusic87 · 03/10/2025 15:00

I still firmly believe this teacher probably only barely raised her voice.

Same.

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 15:01

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 15:00

@Calliopespa I agree with you. I said screaming because if a teacher continues to shout at a crying child I think they have lost control

Yes you have a point there.

ldnmusic87 · 03/10/2025 15:00

I still firmly believe this teacher probably only barely raised her voice.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 15:00

@Calliopespa I agree with you. I said screaming because if a teacher continues to shout at a crying child I think they have lost control

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 14:53

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 14:06

absolutely not the case @JudgeJ using your argument we will bring up a generation who can't communicate without screaming if they don't immediately get their way. And what happens after screaming doesn't work?

I agree some parents do not instil rules and I think that is asking for trouble. I also believe it is the parents role to ensure their child knows how to behave, that they are toilet trained, that they know not to hit people and also that they know not to SCREAM to get their way or their point across. Additionally to ensure they know when they have caused someone distress (like making them cry - as the teacher did in this case!)

However I would not ever agree with a teacher screaming at a 6 year old and making them cry in front of their entire class and continuing to scream even when the child is crying that they are sorry

In fairness I think there is a difference between screaming and shouting. The former implies a complete lack of control. Not saying shouting is good, but at least it could be intended as firmness.

KTheGrey · 03/10/2025 14:52

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

The other thing is some kids seem to have no control over whether they what is in their head pops out of their mouth. So possibly he wasn’t being cheeky but not processing his thoughts in his head. Shouting at him is not the best way forward in any case, but it might be worth trying to tease out whether he wasn’t being cheeky / playing up or just not editing.

EsmeSusanOgg · 03/10/2025 14:50

Readyforslippers · 03/10/2025 05:02

Why not? At times this will be needed so they can all focus on what they are learning. They don't need to interrupt and stop each other from learning.

Because 6 year olds are not allowed developmentally ready for this rigidity. Absolutely will need to elaborate it at some point in their lives. In infants is not that point.

dontmalbeconme · 03/10/2025 14:37

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 03/10/2025 14:22

I really don’t get why so many people are describing the child as naughty in this instance. However I’ve a family full of ADHD and ASD and clarity tends to be important. I could imagine anyone of us trying to clarify the criteria without trying to be disruptive or to get a laugh (it’s not funny so seems a weird suggestion).

Understanding that this is somehow rude and not to clarify in x circumstances is hard. It seems that for most of you this case is intuitively naughty, I don’t see it and I’m a grownup with a reasonable grasp on unspoken rules now. Although I would have possibly identified not to ask questions based on tone of teachers voice. Unspoken rule = don’t ask angry people questions in any scenario as they always get angrier, although that tends to mean unresolved issues and resentment in practice.

if my child suddenly wasn’t enjoying school I’d want to explore why with the teacher.

He was expressly told by the teacher not to talk, and the first thing he did was say something. Even if you think that the questioning wasn't rude in itself (I do think it very rude, as it happens) surely you can see that immediately doing the thing that the teacher told you not to do is disobedient and naughty.