Page 3 | Not using second christening dress MIL bought

nebulacoccinella · 2025-10-01T22:45:37+00:00

I had already bought my daughter’s dress firstly. Me and MIL had also talked about everything I wanted and didn’t want it to be. Lace, no satin, cream not white, long sleeves, floor length. Then MIL randomly just gave to my fiance a ‘second christening dress even though I know you wanted to pick it yourselves, she can wear after the main event.’ It’s satin, white, sleeveless, above the knees. I had already found a second dress I wanted for this purpose of wearing for comfort, though I had never talked about it or my desire for such a thing. It’s typical for MIL to just ignore my wishes in relation to myself and my child and do whatever she feels without acknowledging it. I am thinking to be non confrontational, saying that the one she got ended up not fitting, which should be believable as it was bought over 3 months before the event and my daughters really big for her age. AIBU?

thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 06:30

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 05:35

Exactly no it’s not the worst crime at all, and you’re right we are very fortunate that both sets of grandparents care so much for our child! I think I will let her have some time in the dress to please my mil, but I don’t want this to continue be a habit where I cave to my mil overriding my wishes for my child which is what it’s been up to now. Perhaps it seems a daft place to draw the line but, little backstory, my parents threw away all my childhood things I had specifically asked them to keep so I could give to my kids. I got my daughters christening dress as an heirloom and put a lot of thought into it so it’d be timeless and have longevity. So to store it away for something my mil new I didn’t want when this is already a habit just doesn’t sit right with me!

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It's about more than 'just a dress' though. It's about your MIL completely taking over special occasions and not taking no for an answer. It's your child and the party is in your house. Dress your daughter how you want and decorate your house to your tastes, not your MILs.

The fact that she turns up every time when your baby is asleep and insists on waking her is a red flag to me. It's about her exerting control over you and your DH, not about love and care for her grandchild.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 06:23

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 00:17

Thanks for your reply! Annoyingly she’s emphasised she lost the receipt which I think makes it a little trickier for me. But no it’s not an heirloom, just a cheap cheerful one from the supermarket (not that this is bad at all, just explaining it’s not of huge sentimental value or a great expense)

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Obviously, she is lying about losing the receipt. It's just another manipulation tactic.

Luckily, your DH is supporting you. Use your christening dress and change her into the other outfit that you have bought. MIL had her chance to choose outfits for special occasions for her own children.

Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 05:36

Tourmalines · 02/10/2025 01:56

You mean, why is your mother-in-law like that, I’m a mother-in-law and I’m nothing like that .

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I’m sorry that was definitely an over generalisation.

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Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 05:35

Toddlerteaplease · 02/10/2025 03:04

It’s a christening . It’s not about the dress!

You’re absolutely right! Thank you.

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Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 05:35

Vodkamartini3olives · 02/10/2025 03:15

It's not the worst crime in the world is it?. She's your daughter's grandma and she's excited. If I was in that position I think I'd put the 2nd dress in even just for a little while. Having grandparents who are invested and want to be involved is a wonderful gift.

Exactly no it’s not the worst crime at all, and you’re right we are very fortunate that both sets of grandparents care so much for our child! I think I will let her have some time in the dress to please my mil, but I don’t want this to continue be a habit where I cave to my mil overriding my wishes for my child which is what it’s been up to now. Perhaps it seems a daft place to draw the line but, little backstory, my parents threw away all my childhood things I had specifically asked them to keep so I could give to my kids. I got my daughters christening dress as an heirloom and put a lot of thought into it so it’d be timeless and have longevity. So to store it away for something my mil new I didn’t want when this is already a habit just doesn’t sit right with me!

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Shoxfordian · 02/10/2025 05:29

Start standing up for yourself

Thanks for the dress but we already have one
Thanks but we don't need these decorations
Sorry, baby is asleep between 2-4 so visiting hours are earlier or later than that

Francestein · 02/10/2025 05:25

IridiumSky · 02/10/2025 02:49

The solution is obvious: when the MIL asks why the dress was not worn, say it was impossible, as you’d hung in a willow tree and burned it as a sacrifice to Satan.

She won’t trouble you again.

And if she complains, tell her she’s next.

Horsie · 02/10/2025 03:51

IridiumSky · 02/10/2025 02:49

The solution is obvious: when the MIL asks why the dress was not worn, say it was impossible, as you’d hung in a willow tree and burned it as a sacrifice to Satan.

She won’t trouble you again.

LMAO!

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:27

Just say you prefer yours and your daughter will be wearing it. If MIL wants to get confrontational about your simple, factual and absolutely uncontroversial response that's her problem. At that point, grey rock her.

Your kid, your kid's christening, literally every single decision gets to be entirely made by you and her dad - you can take other people's wants on board if it suits you. But you very much do not have to.

People who are decent will then turn up and shut up about their wants.

Vodkamartini3olives · 02/10/2025 03:15

It's not the worst crime in the world is it?. She's your daughter's grandma and she's excited. If I was in that position I think I'd put the 2nd dress in even just for a little while. Having grandparents who are invested and want to be involved is a wonderful gift.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/10/2025 03:04

It’s a christening . It’s not about the dress!

LBFseBrom · 02/10/2025 03:02

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 01:26

What if my fiance thinks I’m being unfair? He didn’t like the decor she bought either to be fair. And I dont know if you saw my comment but in relation to all this he said I need to start asserting myself if I don’t want to be walked all over. Not just in relation to his mum but my parents and in life in general. I wonder how I put this to him… I’ve got the second dress I wanted now which he knew i really wanted long before his mum decided to get her own.

How do I approach this with him do you think? I’m thinking - really appreciate it, but we both talked about it with your mum and I’d even gone into everything I wanted and this is the opposite, and I don’t want to be someone who just has life happen to them and makes no decisions for myself, especially in relation to our first ever special family occasion for our daughter. What do you think?!

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You have to sort all this out now, nebula, it's getting far too complicated and has little or nothing to do with your baby being baptised. The clothes, decorations and party are frills but it's quite possible to have a baptismal ceremony without any of that and it would mean the same.

Get back to why your baby is having this and rid yourself and everyone else of the surrounding pettiness and bad feeling. It's inappropriate.

IridiumSky · 02/10/2025 02:49

The solution is obvious: when the MIL asks why the dress was not worn, say it was impossible, as you’d hung in a willow tree and burned it as a sacrifice to Satan.

She won’t trouble you again.

LivingTheDreamish · 02/10/2025 02:40

She sounds like a nightmare. I think if it were me, this would be the point at which I would make a very firm boundary with MIL. Feel free to use any small element of what she has bought that you like, by all means have her dress tucked away as a back up. But otherwise have the Christening 100% according to your vision and just brazen out the fall out: "oh sorry MIL, I had such a fixed idea in my mind of how baby's Christening would be, I knew you would understand. I'm sure you remember how much these milestones mean when you are the mother (tinkly laugh)".

And yes talk it though with DH beforehand and get him on board. It sounds like he will be understanding. The details of these events (food, tablecloths, dresses) won't matter to him, but he should understand and respect how important they are to you and that he needs to have your back.

Francestein · 02/10/2025 02:28

Yep. Claim your space. Bundle up any tat she’s given you and donate it. When she asks, say that it was a lovely thought but not to your taste/doesn’t go with your decor, etc, and you have given it away. Dress your kid the way you want. When she asks, just say that you told her that you had a christening dress already and hopefully you will have an event for her to wear the other one before she grows out of it. When she drops in, say that now is not a good time and ask that she calls you first in future.

Tourmalines · 02/10/2025 01:56

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 01:00

Why are MILs like this… that’s my honest unfiltered feeling summed up right there in your comment lol.

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You mean, why is your mother-in-law like that, I’m a mother-in-law and I’m nothing like that .

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/10/2025 01:52

I mean, really, if you're going to have a successful marriage with your fiance, he needs to tell his mother to back off. You both need to be on the same page, and he should always put you and your child first, over his overbearing mother.

Yes, you also need to stand up for yourself, but when it comes to his mother, really he should be the one asserting boundaries. He's a bit cheeky to leave it all to you. It's his mum, so better coming from him.

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 02/10/2025 01:44

In the future don't give her advanced notice about parties, birthdays etc.
Put her decor in a box, if and when she mentions it at the party say thanks so much, love it, keeping it up for another day as we already had ours picked out for the day.

Bignosenobum · 02/10/2025 01:43

You need to speak to her and be straight.

Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 01:35

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 02/10/2025 01:29

Your MIL bought all the decor¹
What did she buy? Is the party in your house?

And to add to my last comment, even said to get rid of some of my furniture not just for the party but permanently, turning her nose up saying it’s ‘old’ (its just a simple glass table in great condition)

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Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 01:31

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 02/10/2025 01:29

Your MIL bought all the decor¹
What did she buy? Is the party in your house?

Yep it’s in my house. Tablecloths, all cutlery and food related stuff, banners and balloons, and when she brought them around told me where they’re going to go lmao

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DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 02/10/2025 01:29

Your MIL bought all the decor¹
What did she buy? Is the party in your house?

Sugargliderwombat · 02/10/2025 01:28

I personally would say - can you let your mum know I've bought a different dress and decorations 😂.

Original poster

nebulacoccinella · 02/10/2025 01:26

Roselily123 · 02/10/2025 01:15

No is a complete sentence
Nip this in the bud , or you’re looking at another 30 years of this bats***tery

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What if my fiance thinks I’m being unfair? He didn’t like the decor she bought either to be fair. And I dont know if you saw my comment but in relation to all this he said I need to start asserting myself if I don’t want to be walked all over. Not just in relation to his mum but my parents and in life in general. I wonder how I put this to him… I’ve got the second dress I wanted now which he knew i really wanted long before his mum decided to get her own.

How do I approach this with him do you think? I’m thinking - really appreciate it, but we both talked about it with your mum and I’d even gone into everything I wanted and this is the opposite, and I don’t want to be someone who just has life happen to them and makes no decisions for myself, especially in relation to our first ever special family occasion for our daughter. What do you think?!

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ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/10/2025 01:22

You both need to make it clear that she's not to come at X time (nap time). If she turns up. Don't answer the door. She's bloody rude.

Just stop pandering to her, do not adjust your own routines because she tramples over your boundaries.