To quit work and be SAHM

Haha thanks, I just click whatever comes up and read - tbf though, if others read these, they might get tips or see advice that helps them so not a total waste(!)

15 grand more a year to spend is a lot! And have you costed in loss of pension contributions?

Bloody zombies. 🧟‍♂️🧟🧟‍♂️

Do you ever get time to yourself? Is DH helping with cooking and cleaning?

I would hang on till August and have a good think. Can you keep working and pay a cleaner once a week? How many hours is part time OP?

Presumably she’s made the decision by now since the OP is from 2025!

If you stop working, get a contract in place with your husband to be 'paid' X amount per month, separate to any divorce proceedings, to support you back into work if you ever split.

I was thinking on the same line, OP could make a claim based on her insurance contributions as non means tested.
Not sure if it is an option in the UK.

Sorry, I typed this without thinking. Im am in ireland and PRSI is the same as national insurance I believe

As someone who has PTSD myself, this is advice I follow myself.

Eating better is the first step to looking after my own mental health. Op clearly is invested in looking after herself hence the time spent exercising. I was advising her that the healthy eating and healthy feeding of children has also got to be a priority. Op was the one who brought up that she had fed her children packet noodles this past week. I was responding to that.

No you are definitely not the one making out SAH mothers are better mothers, but there have been posters on here that have.

i need mental health support to aid with living, I also needed to step down career wise. I am working part time. I would invest in working on your mental health. If I was a stay at home parent responsible for everything and everyone in this house my mental health would suffer. Sometimes I quite like staring at my husband when we both get home and yea isn’t sorted, we have to work as a team to sort that. Yes it’s messy, a little disorganised and we have to sometimes eat rubbish food. But that is me.

I think the wheels can fall off as a mother regardless of being a SAH parent or a working outside the home one. Parenting is messy.

put your own mental health first and you know what would help the best.

you’re already doing an amazing job it’s being a mother and healing generational trauma

@Blueyrocks Heya, fellow mum with cptsd here. Would your own parents have even spent one moment worrying about the quality of their parenting? I highly doubt it! You are self aware, engaging with medical professionals, and considering the options that best suit you and your family. Doesn't sound like perpetuating generational trauma to me!

Telling a person who is suffering with flashbacks from PTSD as a result of childhood trauma, that eating better will improve their symptoms is a bit rich isn't it? We're not talking about mild anxiety or depression here.

Seems like you're giving a person an additional stick to beat themselves up with.

OP, I'm glad you're looking into the psychotherapy. I hope one day you can say "I had PTSD" or, if it does remain a part of you, at least that it no longer impacts your day to day life.

I think many of us spend out time chasing our tail, nothing gets 💯 just constantly covering the corners.
You would be mad to continue with this whilst your MH is suffering too.
My lockdown hit it opened my eyes to the issues with family. I was working evenings and weekends, DH working weekdays.
My mh was shattered, the children were all over the place.

This would be what you would explore with a trained therapist.

@Blueyrocks
I absolutely get that and it's part of healing but with the symptoms you describe , you need therapy.

I have seen many cases though where women with C-PTSD throw everything into their children as a way of dealing with their trauma but it doesn't work, particularly in the long term

I dont want to say too much but it can be a form of perpetuating generational trauma not healing it.

@Willitbetomorrow
Why is the answer always that women have to give up their jobs instead of men stepping up?

Can you apply for sickness benefit for one year or ask your job if you can take a year out.
You are burning the candle at both ends.

And I’m sick of this tripe people push, like in future years your kids will thank you for being a SAHM! Really, will they? My fabulous doctor worked full time when her kids were little and her kids thanked her for being a wonderful mother. Being a SAHM doesn’t necessarily mean you will be a better mother

I think you’ve already made your decision by the sounds of it? You sound like you want validation.

I am in my late 50s now so have some perspective, 3 kids uni and older.
I had 2 kids 18 mo apart and no local family so I continued with a from home role while the two were very baby/toddler (it was an on-call IT role which involved 2/3 phone calls a week to fix software problems, about £10k income to be available every day which was fine as I was grounded with 2 smalls!) I moved country and worked 1.5 days doing admin from home for a small company when kids were napping/evenings. Then had a third baby. Husband contracting abroad one week out of 4, one kid in primary, one pre school, one baby. Hard to hold things together.
At this point we took the decision for me to stop the PT role. It was too much juggling and one DC or other always seemed to be off sick. Dh had sufficient income to get us by.
When the baby was 12 months rather than go back to work I did a PT diploma which took me in a different week direction leading to a PT NHS role initially 1 day a week. 17 years later that NHS role was 2.5 days and I did 2 days a week self employed client work. Close to full time but still alot of flexibility in when I did my hours (some evenings/ weekends). It worked well as I was available when the kids arrived home from school. No paid childcare at all.
I would say, long way round... That being at home doing the school runs, cooking from scratch, going on picnics, not needing a cleaner, rooting around in charity shops for kids toys/puzzles, going to the library, looking for deals... Is such a good way of living. When you work too much, you need treating, takeaways as you are shattered, picking up expensive stuff from the shops as you are time poor, posh holidays as "we deserve it", nursery fees/extra clubs, two cars not one... Work and life evolves quickly. Do the maths. Good, capable people will always get work. People in the thick of it often can't see that things change. Your kids don't always need picking up at the school gate!
I would say you likely spend what you earn in your sort of situation because you need to as you are time poor. Stop the office job for now. Pick up something admin based from home if poss to give a bit of interest, be the treasurer of the local playgroup to build mum contacts and friendships and something else on your cv. Then as the baby grows... Grow the work to fit your family.
There is one important caveat. You must be married. That protects you and allows assets to be shared should the relationship flounder. You have much less/almost no protection if you aren't married.
Good luck. I hope you listen to those of us saying take a break and get back to work in a year or two ❤️ your kids will thank you for it.