DS hating UK uni and feeling guilty for encouraging him to go

We all know there are regional differences. And different areas have different reputations. Some positive and some negative. Doesn't mean every single person in that area represents the reputation. Mackems are known as being friendly, doesn't mean there are no assholes in Sunderland

I think the piss-taking about his pronunciation needs to stop. I think your son can point out that it's hard work speaking a second language especially when there are regional variants. He will be glad of any help they can give about how to say particular words.

If the piss-taking continues, the matter could be raised with the University in terms of its anti-racism policies. Just because it's white on white racism, doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It may be that a shared flat with other overseas students would work better because everyone would be dealing with adjusting to major changes.

Maybe it is not the right university for him? Some universities are very 'British" and some are a lot more international. Maybe he would feel more at home at a lower ranked university with significant international student population? Or just come back to university in Russia? Economics tends to be theoretical, if he wants more practical course then maybe something adjacent like business or accounting

If he is committed to give it a try, it takes a minute to adjust. Roomates don't have to he your friends. Keep going to the sports thing, find other societies, if the university is anywhere near a bigger city they should have a Russian population.

Also it is fine to ask to slow down and repeat. It feels awkward and if there is some comments.i feel like "im sorry, how mamy languages do you speak" usually stops that "banter".

Really? 5 and a half million people in Yorkshire and they're all narrow-minded?

It is very early days and quite normal for some students not to find their stride straight away.
One of mine was miserable from day one but it was mainly due to the course not being what was expected. He did stick it out til Christmas as advised by his tutor, but left at that point and went to a different uni the following September where he thrived.

Yes, I too was wondering about the real motivation.

My friend from Luxembourg went to uni in Dundee. It took her a good few weeks before she could understand most people given there were lots of Glaswegians and people from Fife. But once she got over that hurdle she was fine and really enjoyed her time there. I'm sure he will get the hang of it, and the same with lectures once he starts thinking in English after he's been properly immersed. Perhaps worth him asking the quiet person in the flat out to do something? His experience sounds like normal starting uni nerves with the added layer of the language barrier; I'm sure he will settle. I agree on giving it to Christmas.

If there are English people at the uni studying Russian I imagine they would be interested in meeting up with your son to talk in Russian for a bit then English for a bit. Could be mutually beneficial?

I hated my first uni but stuck it out for the first year. I was then able to transfer straight onto a 2nd year course at a uni closer to my parent's home. Completed degree there and then went further afield for post grad.

I would encourage him to give it a bit longer but let him know you will support his decision it he still does not feel it is working at that point. It was surprisingly easy for me to switch uni's, they were particularly keen to take me in year 2, perhaps to fill places where others had dropped out.

I grew up in Russia. I remember I hated school when I first came back to the UK but soon got used to it and started to enjoy it.

Likewise with uni. I didn’t enjoy it the first term (wasn't into clubbing) but soon enjoyed it and now looking back, it was one of the best times of my life.

What a shit comment. ‘Doesn’t fit in’ as if OP’s son is the problem. God.

If he has to translate lessons in his head, that’s not bilingual. Maybe he’s fluent, but technically it’s not called bilingual.

He should go back to Russia

When I went on student exchange eleven million years ag (pre internet days) the advice was that there were two peak times for homesickness: 3 weeks and 3 months. He's right in the first peak! International students do find settling in hard: culture shock, regional variations of accents, different systems to what they are used to.....I strongly recommend the recommendations to join international student groups, but also to watch back the recorded lectures and live in English as much as possible. Also, I bet the quiet flatmate is lonely and a bit sad too--maybe your son could talk to him and suggest a quiet drink, or a boardgame, or something of shared interest.

As a northerner who also went to a northern uni where loads of people from my hometown ended up, I’ve found that northerners tend to have more banter. For people who aren’t used to it, that can sometimes feel like it crosses the line. Joking about accents is really common at uni and everyone does it whether you’re a Scouser, Geordie, or anything else.

I also remember being thrown by how much regional slang there was, since every area seems to have its own. We actually turned it into a bit of a game, which made it fun.

It sounds like the people he’s in halls with might not be the best match. He might find more like-minded people on his course, or he could even ask halls if a room becomes free to move in with others who are a better fit.

It’s Freshers Week so people are naturally going out more than usual. It’s a great time to look at societies that are not sport related too, since a lot of the sport ones tend to revolve around drinking.

Has he checked if any of the reading is available in his native language? And one last tip, northerners do speak quickly, so it’s always fine just to ask us to slow down.

I bet a lot of students are feeling exactly the same at this stage. It’s not an easy transition. He needs to give it a bit longer, try and find his people (clubs and societies) and ask the university for help with translation (they are obliged to offer support for additional needs). He might even want to transfer to a different course. How will he feel if he quits this early after working so hard? It might not be right for him but it’s too soon to say. See how things are at Christmas.

He is studying economics and really liked the subject at school, but there it is much more maths heavy than he expected. He can manage the maths but the lectures are quite fast and he says sometimes by the time he has understood one thing the lecturer is already three slides ahead.

Does his university have lecture capture so he can rewatch recordings of lectures he’s struggled to keep up with in his own time? You can usually synch the recording to specific slides so he only needs to watch the bits he missed.

The first couple of weeks are hard for lots of kids starting uni. He has to remember he’s comparing his inner feelings to what everyone else is projecting outwardly. He’s told you he laughs along when people tease him about his accent. They probably read him as doing fine. Some of them may also be putting a brave face on things and having similar conversations with their mums.

It’s a big transition which is challenging at every similar juncture in life. Learning to sit with your discomfort, work through it and come out the other side is a really important life skill. I would support him and help him find resources locally to support him, but I wouldn’t be offering an immediate exit. Longer term it will affect his confidence when he faces other challenges.

No trouble with understanding posh southern accents there though.

I don't have any great advice, just wanted to say that I grew up outside the UK with one British parent, in an English-speaking country (USA) and I still struggle with accents. I know the Scottish accents I grew up with, but I struggle with some English ones - in particular, I was completely confused in Liverpool! I could not understand very much at all. I'm in awe of my Scottish-born-and-raised cousins who cleanly told me when I said "that guy sounds Scottish" that the accent was from Carlisle and not Dumfries - I can't even imagine being able to detect the difference, but they automatically do. Maybe your son feels too much pressure to be British or to have and demonstrate that cultural knowledge, and so doesn't want to say he doesn't understand, whereas if he did say so people might be happy to help/explain?

He needs to get our and about. He might not like clubbing and pubs but encourage him to give it a go. And he shouldn't mind his accent, I'm sure a lot of girls will find a foreign accent sexy.
No way will people know each other already, he needs to persevere with societies. The younger British male way of bonding is usually through banter, they take the piss out of others and expect to have it taken out of them, it maybe a cultural difference.Everything will feel strange, but it will get easier if he can stick it out.

I’d also be encouraging him to stick it out until Christmas as so many young people struggle at first. He needs to keep going to the societies as that’s where he will meet people with similar interests. He’s got to get out there and meet people and that can be tough at first, especially when you’re from over seas which can make it harder.

Christmas will feel like forever away to him - suggest he tries until reading week in November, and joins an international students' society.

The language can be a massive issue - I studied (a vocational subject to retrain) in my second language (which I spoke well but hadn't learnt formally). I have an MSc. which I studied for in English, but the qualification I took in my second language (equivalent to a Bachelors/ undergrad degree) was so much more challenging than the MSc. purely because of the language. Everything took so much longer, quite apart from the frustration of expressing everything clearly, fluently and persuasively in writing.

Some people fly in multiple languages but for others it doesn't come as naturally.

Also he's probably never socialised with age peers in English - this can be a really big part of feeling alien - a lit of bilingual young people have only spoken English to their parents and siblings, so although they speak excellent English, they speak the middle aged and slightly dated English of adults who left their native country 15+ years ago. Unfortunately or otherwise, crappy social media reels can help a little with this 🫣

I feel for you -

TLDR: Tell him to give it a go til reading week (or the beginning of November if they don't have reading week) rather than Christmas, and until then join an international students' society. Do make sure he knows he has coming home as a way out and nobody will blame him! You don't want him feeling too bleak, as it really is much harder for him than a British teen whose always lived in the UK.

Can he reach out to other Russians? I don't know what the support network is like at his uni, is is Leeds or York? But speaking to fellow Ruskies will help. Here we have polish and Russian shops, cafes and old men playing chess!

It's also not too late to consider transfer unis, say to a London one? it's a faff, but if you are gonna do it best to do it ASAP.

Could you suggest to him that he gets in touch with student support services as it does sound like he’s overwhelmed.

Oh you're poor son! Although the Russian aspect changes things and makes it even more tricky to constantly translate, that too is common for someone in another country. My young staff are from Singapore and Nepal and they say the same. But what you describe, the rest, many other people find when they go to uni. And yes, many southerners going up north to uni fund the accents and dialects tough to start with. I mean that in a nice way, in that many of the things he's struggling with are common factors that many struggle with.

However the nastiness makes my blood boil. So could you suggest he moves out of that accommodation. Not all uni students are twats taking the piss out of someone's accent. Moving in with some nice quiet students who aren't out on the lash all the time and even if they are, they don't take the piss out of your accent cause that's just nasty.

Encourage him to go to different activities he will find his people. It appears that everybody knows each other at uni but obviously they don't. He's only a few weeks into freshers and it hasn't calmed down yet. He really needs to give it a good go. I'm hoping that he will eventually be really happy. I'm sure he will be encourage him to change a few things going to speak to the lecture change his house go to a few more activities you know find some really nice people who are a bit quieter. It will all come good if he gives it a chance.

Ask him to stick it out till Christmas. And alternatively just let him know talk about the fact that if he ever does decide to quit there's no shame and you will sort everything out and welcome him back home so that he knows it is always an option. Children need to know it is always an option.