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My children have ruined my birthday.

466 replies

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 20:53

It’s my birthday today. I’m 43 so they obviously don’t mean much to me anymore. I hadn’t really given it much thought, I hadn’t asked for anything (I never do) and didn’t expect anything special because we never really celebrate it.

My partner bought me a couple of nice gifts and the children (DD10 and Dd8) were excited. Nothing had been planned and we had nothing in for dinner but had floated ideas of having a drink in the pub after work and picking up something nice for dinner.

We were just about to go to the pub when cue my lovely children starting a huge screaming fight involving slapping each other, slamming doors and hurling abuse.

They’re both bright, happy kids and usually fairly well behaved with the odd hiccup but have recently started having these screaming matches when told to do something (like get ready to go out).

Now, like most parents I imagine, my whole life is focused on these kids. I’m constantly looking for experiences to enrich their lives, all my money goes in to them. I’m the bread winner so I book, plan and pay for all the holidays, birthday parties,clubs, gifts etc. Not that we spoil them but the long hours I work and worries I have are for these kids.

Is it too much to ask that they don’t behave like this on my birthday? I’m pretty sure that at 8 I was self aware enough to know this isn’t right.

We cancelled the trip to the pub, they were sent to their rooms except for a short break for a quick dinner and then sent to bed. The screaming and wailing and even shouts of “this is my worst day ever!” lasted over 2 hours. They feel so sorry for themselves and had to be told off multiple times by my partner.

I’ve had nothing for dinner and have taken myself to bed.

I don’t need advice about my parenting- they’re usually pretty well behaved and their behaviour tonight was exceptionally bad, but am I right to feel a bit sorry for myself and unappreciated?

For context they acted similarly on Mother’s Day 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
HonoriaBulstrode · 26/09/2025 22:15

And why have they been locked in their rooms all evening separately?

'Locked in' ?????

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 26/09/2025 22:13

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 22:03

@FiatLuxAdAstra my partner dealt with it- that’s already been explained.

@ithinkilikethislittlelife nice.

He didn't deal with it though did he? Because instead of them being calmed down, one of them threw a glass jar and both of them screamed and shouted for 2 hours

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 22:12

@BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind yes the eldest. Well behaved usually but when she does act up it’s excessive, dramatic and long - always has been.

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 26/09/2025 22:12

FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 22:07

Sure why not so the kids will have an incident of their mother doing emotionally abusive stuff to tell their therapists in twenty years.

FGS do not do this. The above is an intrusive thought being shared and not to be taken seriously.

Eating cake to celebrate your birthday is not emotionally abusive 😂.

It sounds like these kids need a sharp reminder that the earth revolves around the sun, not them, and that others have needs and wishes as well.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 26/09/2025 22:10

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:52

One child threw a glass jar across a room. We don’t class that as minor. Plus neither would calm down despite the time out and I refuse to take screaming kids out in to the street.

Was that the older one? I suspect early puberty

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 22:09

FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 22:07

Sure why not so the kids will have an incident of their mother doing emotionally abusive stuff to tell their therapists in twenty years.

FGS do not do this. The above is an intrusive thought being shared and not to be taken seriously.

Oh for christ safe what utter nonsense !🤷‍♀️

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 26/09/2025 22:07

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:24

A takeaway is an hour round drive and we just can’t be bothered after all this. My partner (their dad for the person who asked) is having toast in front of a crap film. I’ve had a long week and I’m exhausted.

We’re new to the area so don’t have a trusted babysitter yet so it’s with the kids, on my own or not at all unfortunately.

We did separate them to cool off but then the screaming and wailing started (with one little bugger throwing things in her room!) which is when plans were cancelled.

Ahh ok. Sorry it’s been a crap day. I hope you can do something nice tomorrow. Happy birthday 🥳

FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 22:07

CrispieCake · 26/09/2025 22:05

I'd be tempted to get a little one person cake with a candle on it and sit at the table singing "Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me" tomorrow.

And then eat it in front of them.

Sure why not so the kids will have an incident of their mother doing emotionally abusive stuff to tell their therapists in twenty years.

FGS do not do this. The above is an intrusive thought being shared and not to be taken seriously.

TheSkyLooksBeautifulTonight · 26/09/2025 22:06

ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyour · 26/09/2025 21:51

Tbh sounds like the issue is your partner. Your kids are being typical kids. Why hasn't he planned or done anything for you all day? Then you wouldn't feel so cross when the kids kicked off? And why have they been locked in their rooms all evening separately? Surely you just calm them down and get them out the house. Or get them into bed and order a takeaway. Sounds like your partner needs to make a lot more effort and you need to be a bit less submissive in it all.

I think some information about the OP's partner has probably been withheld for privacy reasons or because it's not directly relevant - I read it as not the children's dad and possibly not living in the house initially, but he is the kids' dad.

There must be a back story because the OP emphasises that she is the breadwinner and does all the emotional labour and tries not to put pressure on him. Depression, acquired disability (as in recently) or serious physical illness perhaps.

AskAggie · 26/09/2025 22:06

There’s a lot going on here. You sound tired and exhausted and understandably fed up at missing out on your birthday. I’m sorry your day wasn’t more special. There’s also the issue of your children’s behaviour which sounds challenging but was hilighted this evening by the fact it resulted in you not celebrating your birthday. And finally there’s the lack of space you take up within the home. The lack of awareness that you matter, that your needs are important too.

Children needed to be trained sometimes to think about others, to put the needs of others first. We can start by making it clear what we expect on special days, helping them learn that making a fuss of someone on their birthday is part and parcel of healthy relationships. Then we might define what ‘making a fuss ‘ looks like eg hand made card, being ready to leave the house by 530pm for mum’s dinner out. You matter.

CrispieCake · 26/09/2025 22:05

I'd be tempted to get a little one person cake with a candle on it and sit at the table singing "Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me" tomorrow.

And then eat it in front of them.

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 22:03

@FiatLuxAdAstra my partner dealt with it- that’s already been explained.

@ithinkilikethislittlelife nice.

OP posts:
ithinkilikethislittlelife · 26/09/2025 22:01

You are a drama. Ffs. Kids are gonna kids. Get over yourself.

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:58

@Thethingswedoforlove Happy birthday!🎂🎉

OP posts:
FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 21:58

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:52

One child threw a glass jar across a room. We don’t class that as minor. Plus neither would calm down despite the time out and I refuse to take screaming kids out in to the street.

Time out?! That’s for preschoolers if you’re going to use it.

Where is your partner in this? Does he just do nothing? Why isn’t he mediating between the DC so it doesn’t get to the throwing glass jars stage?

The kids would have stopped screaming if it had been presented as stow it, you’re both hangry, let’s go and eat some dinner.

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 21:58

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:52

One child threw a glass jar across a room. We don’t class that as minor. Plus neither would calm down despite the time out and I refuse to take screaming kids out in to the street.

If you couldn’t get them to calm down you don’t have control over them, I have seen kids behave very badly but once their parents tell them to stop, they stop, it does not continue

These kids are old enough to know better

You and your husband sound like ye need a night away from them together

Thethingswedoforlove · 26/09/2025 21:57

@Fluffalumpper we share a birthday. I’m older than you. Just wanted to send a big happy birthday and an un mny hug. I hope there can be some making up for it this weekend from them.

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:57

cestlavielife · 26/09/2025 21:56

Why didn't you order yourself a takeaway.
Why did you martyr yourself?

my whole life is focused on these kids

Well stop . Carve a life for you as well
Strike a balance !

The issue of a takeaway has already been explained.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 26/09/2025 21:56

Why didn't you order yourself a takeaway.
Why did you martyr yourself?

my whole life is focused on these kids

Well stop . Carve a life for you as well
Strike a balance !

FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 21:56

user1476613140 · 26/09/2025 21:51

Offer some constructive advice then? Rather than berating someone's parenting?

If you haven't got anything nice to say....

Strangely enough when emotions are running high it's not always easy to think straight. Hindsight is a wonderful thing...

I seconded a later post as well as saying “ instead of defusing” and other bits that are constructive advice in my post. It’s not my fault you can’t see them.

I am not going to cheer on what is so obviously terrible parenting that is only going to push kids off the rails by the time they are 13,

Sunflower459 · 26/09/2025 21:55

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:32

@RavenPie a big part of it is because I am the breadwinner and don’t want to out financial pressure on my partner. Not to invite attacks on him, he does a lot and does try for my birthday, but I’m the default organiser as well and tend to not plan anything because it would be another thing for me to plan and pay for.

Sounds like this has compounded feelings of exhaustion you already had as a result of being overstretched, OP. Always being the one to make plans is actually a lot of emotional labour.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 26/09/2025 21:53

Catsbreakfast · 26/09/2025 21:21

Being upset by hurtful behaviour and having your appetite spoiled by it isn’t drama queen behaviour, it’s a normal reaction.

Wallowing around, not eating because your kids had a bit of a barny is dramatic

Fluffalumpper · 26/09/2025 21:52

FiatLuxAdAstra · 26/09/2025 21:48

That is what I would have done.

One child threw a glass jar across a room. We don’t class that as minor. Plus neither would calm down despite the time out and I refuse to take screaming kids out in to the street.

OP posts:
Bluecat7 · 26/09/2025 21:51

You all sound very dramatic. If it’s your birthday and you want certain things to happen then make sure things are better organised next time round. Especially on a Friday mid-term. Your children’s behaviour was pretty awful, but they possibly realise that. Do something nice altogether tomorrow instead.

ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyour · 26/09/2025 21:51

Tbh sounds like the issue is your partner. Your kids are being typical kids. Why hasn't he planned or done anything for you all day? Then you wouldn't feel so cross when the kids kicked off? And why have they been locked in their rooms all evening separately? Surely you just calm them down and get them out the house. Or get them into bed and order a takeaway. Sounds like your partner needs to make a lot more effort and you need to be a bit less submissive in it all.

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