My children have ruined my birthday.

It sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure and knackered. Try to get some more balance and space for yourself. I hope you have a better weekend. Don’t continue punishment of your children into tomorrow. They aren’t really old enough to understand they’ve “ruined mum’s birthday”. Yes, the behaviour was bad, but please don’t continue the drama - it’ll do more harm than good

How did it escalate from needing a jumper to all weekend plans cancelled?

It definitely sounds like the situation was inflamed rather than de escalated. It's not easy in the moment, and what's done is done, but 2 hours of screaming isn't necessary from anyone.

Did you or your partner give them a way out at any point? Piling on the consequences doesn't seem to have got anywhere. Remember it's the end of a busy week, they're tired, everyone's tired.

I hope you can pull it back and enjoy the weekend once everyone is rested.

Happy Birthday 💐
And sorry it’s been a shit day for you.

Are you more annoyed at the kids? Or your partner?

The kids are a bit young to really understand the importance of a parents birthday. And they’re too young to buy you a present or dinner.

However, it’s shit that your partner hadn’t organised you anything in advance, like a meal, or making the effort to do the trip for a takeaway.

Op you said you didn’t give a shit about it being your birthday so why are getting pissed of that your kids were being kids on your birthday
Eoyher you celebrate or you don’t. If there had been no cards or gifts you’d have been on here claiming no one cares!

Solidarity OP, I too have had this happen on multiple occasions, my kids are generally well behaved and decent but have an innate ability to kick off on the exact occasions I have meticulously planned and just want to go smoothly. I too am the breadwinner and family planner and it sucks when you’ve put in effort and just want to catch a break. Your kids sound totally normal though, as was your reaction. Hopefully they make it up to you with prodding from your husband if required.

Next year you need to expect fuss. If they see you making an effort for their birthdays and their dad’s but no one doing it for yours that’s a horrible message. You deserve to be cherished and appreciated which means that on your special occasions there is fuss!

Tell him to plan something, all of it, to involve the girls and make it clear that from now on everyone’s gets a lovely special birthday.

By playing the “don’t worry about me” card you risk them seeing you as less important than everyone else and, even worse, they’ll carry it into their adult lives and if they become mums and do the same thing where mums come last.

Happy birthday!

Nothing wrong with taking yourself off to bed if that's where you can unwind.

I find that behaviour I could usually brush off I take a lot more personally on a special day.

OP, there's nothing wrong with your expectations and I suspect not a lot wrong with your parenting. Most kids have occasional moments of sheer awfulness. I'd be having a stern word tomorrow and then moving on from it. I'd probably also secretly cancel the next treat I was planning for them and redirect the money into something for myself, but then I've been accused of being emotionally abusive on this thread so what do I know...😆🤷?

Happy Birthday! Take it easy. Take your partner up on having a day to yourself tomorrow. Let this blow over.

It’s poor behaviour, but I think it was partly down to timing, not because they’re spoilt brats. It’s Friday night after a week at school and they are excited. You’re doing something out of the ordinary. The 10 yr old is probably on the cusp of puberty. Kids find it hard to regulate emotions, especially when tired or hungry (any chance going out to eat meant food was a bit later than usual?).

So explosions, even for no real reason, are somewhat par for the course.

It’s worth thinking about how you do unusual things with them. Do they get primed before hand (e.g. your partner talking to them about what’s going to happen, how they are an important part of making it go well, ask if they are on board with things and talk about them sucking it up if they have a minor gripe to make it a nice celebration for you.)? Kids don’t pick up everything social just from watching. Sometimes they need a bit of explicit education about how it all works. Also, it can help them if you do things more regularly so they know what’s expected of them.

I'm so sorry you've had such an upsetting birthday... But it does sound like your response to their behaviour wound them up more instead of defusing things. Maybe the pressure of a special evening, combined with angry parents and the awareness that they've 'ruined' things, caused further distress that became impossible to regulate. Please don't continue the punishment into tomorrow. It sounds like everyone is feeling wounded enough in your house.

Happy birthday op. That sounds rough and I can understand the 'im done and going to bed ' feeling. Don't cancel your plans for tomorrow, have a do over and enjoy a nice day. Sounds like you could all use it. These 1st few weeks if back to school can send them loopy. And buy yourself a cake or something nice you deserve it.

Why haven't your spoilt, over indulged kids gone to bed instead Op. Why you? You need to look at your parenting fast or you are going to have a pair of horrific teenagers in a few years.

Stop their screen time for a week and they should write an apology. Also, If it happens again it will be double the time.

The OP has said she didn’t want any parenting advice. I don’t see the point in kicking someone when they’re feeling down. Sometimes things don’t go well. I also don’t buy that if you’d just done X everything would have been fine. Maybe they would have been bratty outside too. You don’t know how they would have been. She said they’re usually well behaved so it’s understandable people can be caught off guard.

Happy birthday! Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Agree entirely. And I'd expect my similar age child to make some small effort on my birthday, given everything I do to make his special. It's not excessive to have a few age-appropriate expectations of your children.

have a huge hug from me. I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm going through some soul shattering issues myself. It always feels worse at night. Things might feel a bit better in the morning. x

Sibling outburst?! Harsh punishment?! What kind of abusive nonsense do you tolerate from your kids? Her children apparently screamed, slammed doors, hit each other and one threw a glass jar, when they were supposed to be getting ready to go out. My kids argue sometimes but well before ages 8 and 10 any physical stuff or screaming would’ve landed them in big trouble and any meal out would definitely have been cancelled. I’d have sent them to their bedrooms for the evening too. And then I’d have expected a proper apology in the morning. Bloody ridiculous way for kids that age to be carrying on.

Oh, that sounds a fun day.

As others have said, so much going on here. First, why were your kids behaving so badly? Are they tired/hungry/ill? Has something happened to unsettled them? Or, do they just need some better boundaries and ways to express themselves that dont include throwing a glass on a rage? That level of anger isnt normal, so i would take 5 to work out what happened.
Next time, would it be better to celebrate on the Saturday? Do a pizza and film night on school night, then have a meal in the pub early doors on Saturday? Kids are exhausted by friday, as are adults.

Then, there's the "my kids are my world" issue. All kids are important, but they need to know parents are too. Centering everything around them really puts a massive amount of pressure in them to fulfil you. Show them mum and dad are important too. Ask them to consider how they would feel if you behaved like that on their birthday. They're old enough to know better.

And last, please dont ruin your entire weekend because they had a bad night. Do what you had planned tomorrow, make it clear that if they behave the same you will go home ans they will be sent to reflect on their behaviour again.

Gosh some peoples' parenting standards are low.
These are two KS2 children acting like tantruming 2 year olds. They are WAY too old to be slapping, throwing things and screaming. And they are old enough to understand that on someone else's birthday, it is NOT about them.

It's not your children's responsibility to make your birthday special, not at 8 and 10. It sounds like it escalated massively because they were shut in their rooms instead of being actually parented. And now you're planning to carry it on tomorrow as well. It does sound like you are burnt out, but that is on your partner and you, who need to work out a better balance between you. If he does have s disability or something as a pp suggested fair enough, but if not he sounds pretty lame with his only contribution being to shut the kids in their room when they start playing up.

Better than chucking them in together and letting them battle it out, I suppose 😂.

I sympathise OP, the same kind of thing happens here, no occasion is so fun or festive that the kids can't spoil it and I NEVER learn! To be fair they are better if it's just me and them, when DH is there they seem to be worse. Good for you for not going I might have ploughed on just to get fed myself.

Kids are kids. School is hard, friendships are hard, puberty is hard, new school year is hard, authoritarian parents are had...I could go on.
They've had their punishment. Cancelling tomorrow is a dick move.

Totally agree. Keep the faith. It sounds like you have understandably told them enough is enough, yghdy have had the consequences. It’s time to forgive the children and move forward-I would still do the pub celebration together / show them you believe in them to be back to their usual selves, and get back to enjoying family time together.