AIBU to think the NHS may not recognise my childs potential ASD profile?

Oh, another anecdote - DD3 was assessed by Teams. I worried that they wouldn't 'see' her. She's a very academic, very friendly child. They not only saw her ASD but at the end of their report they added 'We recommend that DD3 is referred for an ADHD assessment based on our observations'. So they had seen her fidgeting, distractibility and impulsivity, even over Teams.

I'd just be careful about thinking of ODD. It's a thing, of course it is, but you have a very scared little boy who is trying to control his environment. He's probably just learned that people listen more when he's being loud and scary and rude, and that they do what he wants. I'm not suggesting for one minute that you're pandering to him, but if someone tries to help and a child makes themselves as quiet and small as possible, that is a sign to the adult that they can carry on, and the child is just shy. If a child makes lots of noise and sounds very angry, the adult backs off. It's functional - it's achieving the space he needs.

When DD2 was younger, I'd actively shield her from well meaning conversation. We went to a wedding when she was just turning 11. We had to do a pre wedding afternoon tea. I literally said 'This is DD2, she doesn't like being talked to. Please just ignore her and she will warm to you as she's ready'. Then I scuttled her past their well-meaning smiles to a corner seat so that she didn't have to sit next to anyone new.

We have to advocate for our children so they don't have to use their own methods to feel safe.

The assessment is quite thorough and should pick up autism if it is there. Your difficulty may lie in getting the referral in the first place. It was like that with my eldest. I had to fight for the referral and it took years, but on assessment they were unequivocally autistic.

I would try the NHS route. If you can go that way it can make some things easier. But if you can afford private have it as a back up plan.

Stick with the waiting list if you're already on it. Does sound like possible ODD or PDA issues within a valid autism concern. I say this as an autistic adhd adult with AuDHD kids, one of which theres a query of PDA with.

Just because you think he doesn't present typically doesn't mean there isnt something obviously going on. And thankfully we are slowly learning there isnt a typical presentation, only a harmful stereotype. Its a spectrum :)

Good luck.

At this age, NHS may assess him more thoroughly than a private virtual assessment, where they usually rely on ADOS. You clearly need help and should get him assessed. Your initial post suggests typical ASD traits but your last post less so - although high anxiety goes hand in hand with ASD. I would call your local CAMHS and find out what the waiting lists are like. If long, ask your GP to refer through right to choose and trust the process. We have one child diagnosed through NHS, the other privately through right to choose. The R2C report was significantly more thorough and helpful, however both are just starting points to then go forward and determine what else is going on; the anxiety needs to be separately addressed and your GP is the starting point for this.

My school and GP told me I wouldn’t get a diagnosis.

Thankfully they aren’t qualified to diagnose and the panel of experts who did the assessment agreed unanimously.

NHS and Private assessments are the same thing, sometimes even with the same psychiatrist, the only difference is private won’t take years of waiting.

We have a diagnosis and it was very thorough and they picked up on things I hadn't even really considered. I think most people wouldn't think DC was autistic unless they knew a lot about it. However I don't think focusing on the diagnosis is so important (obviously still follow the process and see what they find) but thinking about the support you and he need. We have a diagnosis and nothing else really. Do you need anything put in place in school or is it parenting strategies for home? How old is your DC?

Also, it can be the little things that our children give away that make it clear. DD2 said the word 'ambushed' 3 times when describing the story book. It made sense, but you had to think about it - it wasn't a natural word to use with the story. She also said she would live with her husky dogs because they didn't have a big list of demands like humans.

DD1 barked 'You're late, I don't like waiting!' at her assessors as they ambled into the waiting area of the library with a Costa coffee.

The assessors see hundreds of people with all sorts of presentations. They have a radar for it.

The questionnaires are intended to pick up a range of conditions which may share similarities in presentation. For example, the odd/out of sync responses could arise from dyspraxia, ADHD, developmental delay, ASD, past trauma, and attachment disorder. That's why they have to be so thorough in the assessment process to unpick the symptoms and behaviours, then assess the root cause.

Trust the process. I was told that DD2 wasn't autistic for years. When I finally convinced CAMHS to assess, we went to the initial appointment and the man spoke to me for a while as DD2 ignored him. He said it was clear to him that she had ASD so although there were meant to be three appointments before a child was agreed for full assessment, he was just going to do the paperwork.

Private / NHS the assessments should be standardised / same

look up the past and present behaviour schedule

that is one of the key tools they use

Why do you think your child is ASD?

They will assess him thoroughly against a diagnostic criteria, which should be the same for both nhs and private. He may not meet the diagnostic criteria and they may diagnose something else or offer support.