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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel angrey after Holland Park School open morning?

289 replies

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:07

I’m viewing a few secondary schools at the moment. We’ve seen some private ones (sadly not an option unless DD gets a huge bursary). Yesterday I went to see Holland Park School — which has always felt like our safest option since we live very close — but came out devastated and rather angry.

Yes, the grounds are gorgeous, with a shiny, modern building, a new sports pitch, and spacious classrooms with lovely views over Holland Park. But the atmosphere? Absolutely grim. The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Alright, I guess that’s fine in maths or English, but even in drama, music, and art… in art, the children were like in a traditional exam setting, sitting at their desks, copying a dull sketch from the screen in complete silence, while the teacher walked around peering over their shoulders. I couldn’t sense a shred of creativity, joy, or curiosity in that room. It felt almost like a military camp. Even the bell sounded like a fire alarm — the sort you see in American prisons in films.

When I asked students what they loved about the school, they couldn’t answer. I rephrased and asked what was one thing they were excited about coming to school, but they seemed unsure. What they were actually excited to talk about was “refocus rooms,” detention room, and punishments. They really wanted us to see the detention room which was on the ground floor, a dark space with heavy black curtains where you’re sent for forgetting your planner, doodling in a workbook, wearing the wrong colour socks, missing a part of your uniform, or being two minutes late. This lovely, polite girl said she had already been there twice this year - once for doodling because she got carried away 'in a boring lesson' and another for forgetting her planner, which they have to carry with them at all times.

I went in Soviet school and honestly, even they didn’t have detention rooms. If anyone misbehaved, they would do extra fitness classes or some do some gardening and cleaning for school grounds, and parents were called in. I’m not saying that was better by any means, but honestly — how the hell have we normalised this? What are we thinking as a society, treating children like inmates inside schools, and then acting shocked when they go wild on the streets after being in this prison-like environment all day long?

All I want is a normal, happy school for my child. Is that too much to ask? And do I have to pay £30k a year to avoid this 'military silence + constant detentions'? Is that what we call a good education in the 21st century? I couldn’t stop thinking: what kind of young people will come out of this school environment — happy, curious, caring, loving, creative, enthusiastic and empathetic?

OP posts:
GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:49

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:44

Education seems to be veering into a very dark place indeed. This new 'strict not taking no shit' ethos in schools combined with escalating SEN needs it going to end in absolute disaster. On a titanic level!!! No wonder so many parents are home schooling!😩

Thank you. We need more people with common sense, and I promise that if my DD ends up at that school, I will absolutely bring down those black curtains and fight to make her experience as good as I possibly can.

OP posts:
Owly11 · 20/09/2025 18:48

You are angry because the school nearest you is not the right school for you. No point wasting your energy. Move on and look round some other schools.

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:45

Westfacing · 20/09/2025 18:42

The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Maybe the pupils were just quietly getting on with their lessons - the usual complaint is noisy and chaotic classes!

Or just quietly wanting to top themselves!

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:45

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/09/2025 18:33

Oh, there's more than one Russian educated poster who believes that all behaviour is resolved by a cosy chat, then. Do you also believe that a consequence is a heinous breach of children's human rights?

No, I don’t, and I’m not Russian-educated for your own educational enlightenment.
But I do believe that detentions, punishments, and a grim educational environment provoke more of that sort of difficult behaviour.

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:44

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:39

I'm fine with calm and quiet and discipline too, but not to this extent. I also feel teachers and I'm aware of lack of funding and schools struggling, but I firmly believe that school needs to be a happy place and it shouldn't make little humans even smaller.

Education seems to be veering into a very dark place indeed. This new 'strict not taking no shit' ethos in schools combined with escalating SEN needs it going to end in absolute disaster. On a titanic level!!! No wonder so many parents are home schooling!😩

Westfacing · 20/09/2025 18:42

The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Maybe the pupils were just quietly getting on with their lessons - the usual complaint is noisy and chaotic classes!

themerchentofvenus · 20/09/2025 18:42

dontdoitkatiekins · 20/09/2025 18:16

IME all academies are like this. It is really sad

So how many academies have you spent time in/worked in to draw this conclusion? (as that's quite a sweeping statement...)

@GentleMintCat clearly this school isn't the right one for your child. Look elsewhere.

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:39

Ohmygodnotnow · 20/09/2025 18:31

You should have a look at the current thread about why teachers are leaving the profession. Behaviour is the no 1 concern before parents and lack of funding for SEND. My dc has just started school in a place where discipline and high expectations are foremost and I'm fine with that. I'd much rather see calm, quiet focus that a class of kids running riot and swearing at the teacher.

I'm fine with calm and quiet and discipline too, but not to this extent. I also feel teachers and I'm aware of lack of funding and schools struggling, but I firmly believe that school needs to be a happy place and it shouldn't make little humans even smaller.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 20/09/2025 18:38

Nearly all schools have isolation or detention rooms. The school I most recently taught in actually extended theirs because a couple of the autistic kids loved it so much they requested time in there and so the school made a special one for the autistic students that they could use at break and lunch and if they used their get out of lesson pass.

it goes by various names in various schools but they all have one.

VikaOlson · 20/09/2025 18:38

RoosterPotato · 20/09/2025 18:32

I think a ‘refocus room’ is deliberately designed to have nothing that could be stimulating and allow children to refocus, especially if they have sensory overload/ may be neurodivergent.

No it's a punishment/isolation room for children who break the rules - in my son's school for example if they are late to class they get sent to refocus to sit in silence writing out lines for the duration of that lesson.

VikaOlson · 20/09/2025 18:37

Bluevelvetsofa · 20/09/2025 18:10

It’s just not the school you want for your child. They won’t all be the same.

My son's school is the same, I think a lot of academies are now with the heavy focus on discipline, acronyms like SLANT, detentions and refocus rooms.

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:35

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/09/2025 18:18

Devastated and angry? By a school not being what you want it to be? What a strange reaction.

Maybe she had her heart set on this school? Kids friends going there etc? Its a big deal IMO

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:34

Sounds horrendous please don't send your kid there! Its nice to hear from a mum that wants creativity and enjoyment from a school also! I feel like most mumsnet mums would be happy with this strict setting for their children 😩

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/09/2025 18:33

Oh, there's more than one Russian educated poster who believes that all behaviour is resolved by a cosy chat, then. Do you also believe that a consequence is a heinous breach of children's human rights?

Butterflybum · 20/09/2025 18:33

I’ve not been there but agree that it sounds grim.
It also sounds very much like the academy schools that we visited.

RoosterPotato · 20/09/2025 18:32

I think a ‘refocus room’ is deliberately designed to have nothing that could be stimulating and allow children to refocus, especially if they have sensory overload/ may be neurodivergent.

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:32

Jeschara · 20/09/2025 18:18

I would like a calm place for children to learn. Mine are older and not school age anymore. I chose a grammar for one, who was very academic, and a strict full uniform school for the other, both loved their schools.
Different strokes, different folks. Why are you angry? Choose the school that suits your child and put your energy there.

I’m angry because I don’t have many options. I don’t know where you are, but we don’t have grammar schools here, and out of six secondary schools in the borough, I realistically have a chance at only two, as I don’t belong to the Catholic Church or Church of England.

OP posts:
FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:31

If anyone misbehaved, they would do extra fitness classes or some do some gardening and cleaning for school grounds

that would be called abuse by so many parents in this country 😂

Ohmygodnotnow · 20/09/2025 18:31

You should have a look at the current thread about why teachers are leaving the profession. Behaviour is the no 1 concern before parents and lack of funding for SEND. My dc has just started school in a place where discipline and high expectations are foremost and I'm fine with that. I'd much rather see calm, quiet focus that a class of kids running riot and swearing at the teacher.

Fearfulsaints · 20/09/2025 18:30

I dont know the area, but it is sad when your closest school isn't one you like the vision or ethos for. I sounds like you live on area with a choice, but lots of us realistically one have one option. Home school isn't a realistic alternative.

I dont mind quiet classrooms - even art a lot of people will be in the zone and want quiet. But it can be taken to the extreme.

I dont mind a detention room either, but not if its made to feel horrible. The time is supposed to be the punishment, not the environment

Laserwho · 20/09/2025 18:30

I don't magine the kids aren't acting normally due to people crowding the classrooms while they are trying to work. It carnt be much fun for teachers either having their classrooms invaded. I recommend evening open the events. Take your child, the teachers will be able to talk to you instead of teaching and some pupils will show you round and answer questions. There will also be activities in the subject areas your child can involved in.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 20/09/2025 18:29

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:23

That's my point: how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms? I don’t know how they are designed in other schools, and I realised I had never actually asked to see one. It was just that yesterday thesw kids really wanted us to go there, while we were quite reluctant, and I can’t be thankful enough for that. I always thought it was just another normal room, or even a library where they could read a book. I could never have imagined it was such a dark, black room.

how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms?

They became normalised around the same time parents stopped backing the teachers, and started to complain about every little punishment Jeremy and Jemima got, no matter how bad their behaviour was.

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:28

I just looked at their website, looks like a normal school. There are so many windows, I bet they do need black curtains, it's like a fish bowl 😂

I haven't seen many school mentioning sports bra for PE, which is not unreasonable at all, just didn't appear in the schools I have seen, apart from that?

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:26

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/09/2025 18:18

Devastated and angry? By a school not being what you want it to be? What a strange reaction.

And do you really think having this dark detention room is normal? - this is exactly where I see the problem.

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 20/09/2025 18:25

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:21

You don't like it, don't send your child there.

Although sometimes you don't get much choice. Very grateful that mine have been at schools which, while strict have had some humanity too.

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